greasy hands and a few minutes on a creeper don't scare me -that- much.
Ya I bet greasy hands in 120 plus degree temperatures, with tools so hot you can't pick em up when you set them down and a drive way that is so hot you can't touch the concrete and a creeper that you lay on felt like it came out of a pizza oven would though, while the whole time swet is pouring in you eyes so you can't even see the oil filter, while you are drinking bottle after bottle of water.

Welcome to my world.
Besides three guys working on the vehicle for 30 minutes comes out to an hour and a half of my time added to that would be the clean up and the drive to the dump station, then theirs the laundry to clean whatever I was wearing, which costs electricity, soap, more of my time or my wife's time, nah, my time's worth more than $9.99 an hour. Less than that when I figure the clean up and laundry.
To solve the problem of them cranking on the drain plug is solved my simply asking the guy doing the work - not to do that.
For me it's the best alternative I have and like I said I've been to several dealers with several cars and they are all bad.
Lastly and the most valuable part of having someone do your oil changes is the documentation when it comes to lemon laws or vehicle warranty issues while under warranty.
Yes I know you can save receipts, etc. but who does that any way. Besides a good lawyer will just convince a jury that the receipt just proves you bought oil it doesn't prove you put it in.
I went through two Lemon law buy backs and I won both cases and got new replacement vehicles largely bases on the fact that I never ever touched the vehicle mechanically.
During the deposition they had their whole case built around me not taking care of my vehicle. When I showed them proof that the vehicle was serviced every 3K miles per the manual recommendations along with all fluids checked etc. they caved in.
Like my lawyer said very few people in buy back cases do as the manual says and that's how they win their case by showing you as mistreating the vehicle and they get off the hook for replacing the Lemon.