Sigarms said:
Up north, people will tell you what they think. Don't like it? Tough crap, who cares?
Down south, people tell you what they think you want to hear, to keep you happy.
Not to be argumentative, but that's always what Yankees say when they think they have the manners thing figured out. They think northerners are frank and maybe brutally honest. They think southerners are duplicitous...thinking one thing and saying another.
Now, I'm not saying a southerner won't do that, they will. And so will a Yankee. Out of respect, or ambivalence or exasperation a southerner is probably more likely to do this.
But the root of southern manners and mannerisms is in respect for differences and differences in status. A respect for elders, authorities, leaders, the educated, the noble, the honest, the rich, the higher classes, women, etc. Clearly this can be taken to extremes and may have been in antebellum society.
This idea is unheard of up north where they are bred on egalitarianism that suggests that no one is any better than I am and showing respect is equated with diminishing your own status. I had a professor that I worked with before med school. He was from Brooklyn. I really liked the guy and he was my boss. I always said 'yes sir' and 'no sir' to him. He once told me that he thought that was demeaning
for me. I did not argue with him. But he did not understand that showing him respect did nothing to demean me. My status was secure and in fact, showing respect for those above you confirms that you are secure with your position.
I explained to my son recently that as a teenage boy he is the lowest form of life. He should defer to women, girls, his elders, his superiors and if he is secure in who he is, to other young men as well.
