m1garand762
Gold Member
I am the same way. I say it like I see it and my mother in law don’t get it. I make her cry every time I see her she doesn’t understand that her being a low like scumbag is like a waist high fast ball for me.
Upcoming Wedding - advice needed
- Thread starter Torvy
- Start date
I am the same way. I say it like I see it and my mother in law don’t get it. I make her cry every time I see her she doesn’t understand that her being a low like scumbag is like a waist high fast ball for me.
OP
Torvy
Super Member
The wedding was back on Memorial Day weekend. I will always love my daughter. I will tolerate her husband and avoid his parents. I'm sure some people would see them as nice people. They sent us a Thanksgiving card! In 33 years together my wife and I have never received a Thanksgiving card from anyone, friend or family. Heck, I didn't know that was even a thing.
dirttoys
Platinum Member
Sigarms
Super Member
I went to my cousins daughters wedding the other month as the girl lives in NC as well and I could actually attend.
Girl had already been married by a justice of the peace the previous year because they were expecting. Both husband and wife have decent jobs (guy just got out of the Marines) and when they got married "officially", they already had a son and a house they were living in for some time.
My cousin is one of the saner ones IMO from my moms side (we've always gotten along and she's smart with her money), and I asked her about everything per the wedding, because I was curious and for better or worse against the advice of my wife, I'll ask questions.
Let's just say I have no clue what people in their 20's are thinking about when they decide to get married, and leave it at that.
I got married late in life in my late 30's. Met the girl, met her parents (who met my dad) and from our first date to our wedding day was about 6 months, total cost for everything (and I mean everything) was under 6k.
I was smart enough to know my dad loved the girl I was seeing, and my in laws are more like my parents (though my mom had passed at the time) and the first time my dad and her parents got together, they actually liked each other and my dad thought of my inlaws like family.
This last wedding I went to in NC I was informed that the wedding planner alone cost about $3,500 . I fell over dead when I found how much the "venue" cost, and that wasn't including food or anything else.
Older I get, the more I get like my father LMAO.
Girl had already been married by a justice of the peace the previous year because they were expecting. Both husband and wife have decent jobs (guy just got out of the Marines) and when they got married "officially", they already had a son and a house they were living in for some time.
My cousin is one of the saner ones IMO from my moms side (we've always gotten along and she's smart with her money), and I asked her about everything per the wedding, because I was curious and for better or worse against the advice of my wife, I'll ask questions.
Let's just say I have no clue what people in their 20's are thinking about when they decide to get married, and leave it at that.
I got married late in life in my late 30's. Met the girl, met her parents (who met my dad) and from our first date to our wedding day was about 6 months, total cost for everything (and I mean everything) was under 6k.
I was smart enough to know my dad loved the girl I was seeing, and my in laws are more like my parents (though my mom had passed at the time) and the first time my dad and her parents got together, they actually liked each other and my dad thought of my inlaws like family.
This last wedding I went to in NC I was informed that the wedding planner alone cost about $3,500 . I fell over dead when I found how much the "venue" cost, and that wasn't including food or anything else.
Older I get, the more I get like my father LMAO.
MossRoad
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A lot has changed since we were young.
My wife and I were just talking about this the other day.
We got married in 1985. We invited 500 people. We sat dinner for 365.
For each additional 100 people, the price per plate went down.
We paid $5.75 per plate, so about $2100.
We had to have 4 bartenders at $100 per pop.
4 police officers at $100 per pop.
We rented my parents' church's gymnasium for $50
The bar tab was $1700
The photographer was near $500 (that hasn't changed much over the years, but you get a heck of a lot more pictures today due to digital).
Flowers were around $500 total.
Polka band was $500 (got a deal. They went to high school with my wife and I).
Gave the priest $50 and the alter boys $20.
Tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, can't remember the price.
Wife's wedding dress was around $500.
All that adds up to about the same total cost as we paid for one of our kid's weddings a year and a half ago... except we had 12 people!
For our daughter, we did all of the wedding. We ordered flowers from Ecuador. But that was 15 years ago. The flowers were shipped overnight to us. The flowers were in a dehydrated state. We followed the instructions (set overnight (12hrs I think) in 3 gal of water. All the roses were long stem. They were fantastic. We gave many of the arrangements to people who asked. We kept some of them. They last 3 weeks after the wedding. I found out about this because it is how HyVee and Sams got their retail flowers. At that time, HyVee had an excellent flower arrangement dept. and they cost $5 a rose. I think we paid around $1 a rose. I made the flower arrangement for our daughter. She wanted a "Cascading bouquet arrangement" which had 3 dozen roses. Caution - Really it was too heavy. During the service, she turned to the maid of honor so she could hold the arrangement. I was on the front row - the Maid of Honor was standing in front of me. Her hands began to shake - I whispered, I will hold those for now. It was heavier than I anticipated. The minister we chose was very nice. It was a lady minister from a wedding service. I think she cost $250. She met with them two times about the wedding and also did the rehearsal. It was a small wedding - 110 people in a historic church. It was packed.
It is always better to have a smaller venue that has great attendance than a large church to make it look like only a few people showed up. The church was on the property of Strouds Resturant in Kansas City. They also have an outdoor cover deck the use to serve parties. We had the wedding then served lunch at 2 pm. It was buffet style southern fried chicken. Strouds is a premier place to eat here and I am sure that attracted more people than the actual wedding. And the actual cost of serving 110 was around $1600.
The photographer. I looked at many examples of work. People with poles sticking out of their head, people try to talk with their mouth full of food, a picture of the bride and maids - with the head of the bride cut off at the top. They were all snapshots - here and there. Some offered to present a set number of pictures (1000). I have always believed that a photographers best tool is a trash can. NEVER present quantity, only quality. Take 500, present 20-100 outstanding images.
The groom mentioned he knew a guy at work that was having a tough time and said he used to take wedding pictures.
I talked with him, and was convinced he was dependable and could handle it. I had all Nikon equipment because I had taken several weddings. (later, the groom asked me if his friend could borrow my camera). WHAT, he didn't even have a camera? I met with him again - he knew how to operate the lighting and camera I used. That told me a lot.
I told him I would pay him $500 - deliver all pictures to me on a disc or jump drive. He did. I paid him $500 and he gave me the pictures. They were the best wedding pictures I have ever seen. After looking at them, I gave him another $300. He needed it and deserved it.
Well, sorry so long. Hope some of this helps you. Best Wishes
It is always better to have a smaller venue that has great attendance than a large church to make it look like only a few people showed up. The church was on the property of Strouds Resturant in Kansas City. They also have an outdoor cover deck the use to serve parties. We had the wedding then served lunch at 2 pm. It was buffet style southern fried chicken. Strouds is a premier place to eat here and I am sure that attracted more people than the actual wedding. And the actual cost of serving 110 was around $1600.
The photographer. I looked at many examples of work. People with poles sticking out of their head, people try to talk with their mouth full of food, a picture of the bride and maids - with the head of the bride cut off at the top. They were all snapshots - here and there. Some offered to present a set number of pictures (1000). I have always believed that a photographers best tool is a trash can. NEVER present quantity, only quality. Take 500, present 20-100 outstanding images.
The groom mentioned he knew a guy at work that was having a tough time and said he used to take wedding pictures.
I talked with him, and was convinced he was dependable and could handle it. I had all Nikon equipment because I had taken several weddings. (later, the groom asked me if his friend could borrow my camera). WHAT, he didn't even have a camera? I met with him again - he knew how to operate the lighting and camera I used. That told me a lot.
I told him I would pay him $500 - deliver all pictures to me on a disc or jump drive. He did. I paid him $500 and he gave me the pictures. They were the best wedding pictures I have ever seen. After looking at them, I gave him another $300. He needed it and deserved it.
Well, sorry so long. Hope some of this helps you. Best Wishes
Last edited:
Sigarms
Super Member
I will have to admit, hiring police officers for my wedding day never crossed either of our minds when planning our wedding LOL That said, we only had about 100 people, most older relatives and children, and any friends that came were our age and didn't have to worry about anyone becoming stupid.
If I remember correctly, we were married in 2003. The highest part of the bill was the photographer at about 1k (less the church hall which included food and alcohol, but for 100, great value IMO). DJ about $500.
I'm lucky that my wife wasn't a "big wedding kind of girl" who wanted to spend money. She did the flowers herself to help save on money and a lot of places she laughed at per the wedding dress price and wait time. Found one for $300 and no wait time. I didn't rent a tux, but bought a suit. Might as well wear it LOL
I think one of the many reasons we got and get along is we felt no need to waste money on one single day, because no matter how much money you spend, the day should be perfect anyways being with the person you're wanting to spend the rest of your life with. We basically covered everything ourselves, but I won't like, both of our parents gave us like 2k each for a wedding present which covered most everything.
Hate to admit it, kind of laugh at my one other cousin. Had to have spent at least 40k on her wedding a couple of years after us (and my aunt and uncle footed most of the bill), and they still ended up getting a divorce. It's not like the more you spend the greater the odds you're still going to spend with that person the rest of your life.
The biggest question I have, which I have no experience, is if you're the brides parents and your expected to "foot the bill" exactly where do you draw the line at per costs?
Moss, at your number for 12 people, that would have run us $35,000 back in 2003!
Last edited:
MossRoad
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Yeah, the thing is, no matter the size of the wedding, some things will cost the same be it 10 people or 500 people.
- The dress costs the same.
- Clothing rentals.
- Hotels for the wedding party.
- The Church and Priest.
- Organist/accompanist.
- Soloist.
- Alter boys.
- Photographer.
- Bridal party flowers.
- Music/DJ of you don't do your own.
Things like that.
About the only thing that varies in cost really is the size of the hall to accommodate the number of people and the number of meals and beverages you need.
As for our 4 cops, it was required by the Church hall to have a minimum of 1 bartender and 1 cop per 100 people. We fed them, too.
When we were growing up, big Polish and Hungarian weddings were the thing. Each church hall had their own locally famous very old lady that cooked chicken, sausage, mashed potatoes, green beans, gravy, sweet sour cabbage, noodles, etc. They had their own crew and hired school kids to serve. If you wanted to splurge, you bought a pie for each 8 people. We had about 50 pies!
After the meal was over, the servers cleared the tables and got fed before they went home. That was all figured into the price of the food.
We had an entire basketball court but still had to move about a dozen tables after dinner to make room to dance. The polka band started up and then you had to dance for 3 hours with strangers. Take a break. Have a drink. Eat some pie. Dance some more.
We went through a few gallons of wine at the head table, many dozen bottles of hard liquor, a couple kegs of beer, and a ton of cylinders of pop. I recall reading the itemized bar bill and specifically made note of the 1100 plastic shot glasses.
They boxed up all the leftovers for us and we got to take any opened liquor bottles with us. Load the presents in the cars, clean up the hall, make sure everyone is good, and off you go to an undisclosed location with your new spouse for the evening.
The next day we had around 100 people over to my in-laws' house for Poprawiny. If you don't know what that is, it's the 2nd day of wedding. You invite everyone that was still in town over to eat leftovers, finish the liquor, open wedding presents, and generally have a more relaxed family gathering. That lasts into the early evening. You don't get to leave for your honeymoon until that's over. It would be insulting.
And there you go. Big Polish/Hungarian wedding. Something to experience. Not as common as they used to be around here. I miss them.
- The dress costs the same.
- Clothing rentals.
- Hotels for the wedding party.
- The Church and Priest.
- Organist/accompanist.
- Soloist.
- Alter boys.
- Photographer.
- Bridal party flowers.
- Music/DJ of you don't do your own.
Things like that.
About the only thing that varies in cost really is the size of the hall to accommodate the number of people and the number of meals and beverages you need.
As for our 4 cops, it was required by the Church hall to have a minimum of 1 bartender and 1 cop per 100 people. We fed them, too.
When we were growing up, big Polish and Hungarian weddings were the thing. Each church hall had their own locally famous very old lady that cooked chicken, sausage, mashed potatoes, green beans, gravy, sweet sour cabbage, noodles, etc. They had their own crew and hired school kids to serve. If you wanted to splurge, you bought a pie for each 8 people. We had about 50 pies!
After the meal was over, the servers cleared the tables and got fed before they went home. That was all figured into the price of the food.
We had an entire basketball court but still had to move about a dozen tables after dinner to make room to dance. The polka band started up and then you had to dance for 3 hours with strangers. Take a break. Have a drink. Eat some pie. Dance some more.
We went through a few gallons of wine at the head table, many dozen bottles of hard liquor, a couple kegs of beer, and a ton of cylinders of pop. I recall reading the itemized bar bill and specifically made note of the 1100 plastic shot glasses.
They boxed up all the leftovers for us and we got to take any opened liquor bottles with us. Load the presents in the cars, clean up the hall, make sure everyone is good, and off you go to an undisclosed location with your new spouse for the evening.
The next day we had around 100 people over to my in-laws' house for Poprawiny. If you don't know what that is, it's the 2nd day of wedding. You invite everyone that was still in town over to eat leftovers, finish the liquor, open wedding presents, and generally have a more relaxed family gathering. That lasts into the early evening. You don't get to leave for your honeymoon until that's over. It would be insulting.
And there you go. Big Polish/Hungarian wedding. Something to experience. Not as common as they used to be around here. I miss them.
Sigarms
Super Member
Moss
When my dad was in SE Asia, I was raised Russian Orthodox and was both an alter boy and learned to tend bar at the church LMAO.
As for Polka's, believe me, knew them well and for my dad's celebration of life event after he passed, we had more than a couple of polkas in the video playing for his favorite songs.
I guess I was lucky. The priest who married us I actually served with as an altar boy. He was kind of confused when I told him my wife was a better Christian than myself. He was a good man, and knew my statement was true after talking with her, so he had no problem marrying us. I was lucky (or perhaps blessed I guess) because at the time, the Church wasn't in business to make money when they rented out the church, priest and singers along with hall, dinner service and bar LOL
I believe in Wilmington on the last wedding I attended, the "venue" ran at least $3,500, not including anything, and that was for one day, on a Friday, which is cheaper than a weekend.
Because I use to tend bar in college, when I was at the event, I asked one of the servers if they get tips built into the cost before we sat down for dinner. He told me they were subcontracted out, and no, no tips we're included. When I worked weddings, open bar as included in the price and a 20% gratuity was built into the price, and this was almost 40 years ago. Go figure.
My parents did it right back in the early 60's. They eloped. Little cost, though my grandmother made them get married in the church later...
Got to ask, no stealing of the bride in Polish/Hungarian weddings? THAT was the only problem at my dad's house when everyone was there after the reception LMAO
When my dad was in SE Asia, I was raised Russian Orthodox and was both an alter boy and learned to tend bar at the church LMAO.
As for Polka's, believe me, knew them well and for my dad's celebration of life event after he passed, we had more than a couple of polkas in the video playing for his favorite songs.
I guess I was lucky. The priest who married us I actually served with as an altar boy. He was kind of confused when I told him my wife was a better Christian than myself. He was a good man, and knew my statement was true after talking with her, so he had no problem marrying us. I was lucky (or perhaps blessed I guess) because at the time, the Church wasn't in business to make money when they rented out the church, priest and singers along with hall, dinner service and bar LOL
I believe in Wilmington on the last wedding I attended, the "venue" ran at least $3,500, not including anything, and that was for one day, on a Friday, which is cheaper than a weekend.
Because I use to tend bar in college, when I was at the event, I asked one of the servers if they get tips built into the cost before we sat down for dinner. He told me they were subcontracted out, and no, no tips we're included. When I worked weddings, open bar as included in the price and a 20% gratuity was built into the price, and this was almost 40 years ago. Go figure.
My parents did it right back in the early 60's. They eloped. Little cost, though my grandmother made them get married in the church later...
Got to ask, no stealing of the bride in Polish/Hungarian weddings? THAT was the only problem at my dad's house when everyone was there after the reception LMAO