When someone asks you if you are keeping busy:
"I am busier than a 1 arm paper hanger."
Can't remember which show the following quote came from; After a nasty, raving old lady left the room, some one commented:
"I am surprised she is not poisoned by her own spit."
When talking to one of my retired friends and asking how his retirement is:
"If you have anything you need to get done, you better do it before you retire, because you wont' have time after you retire."
Wow, there are some great quotes in this thread!