Why do you know nothing about your neighbors?

[rox]

I read topic after topic on this website about people having issues with their neighbors and they will take considerable time and go to great efforts to go around and around talkng with different neighbors, government officals etc., but never talk man to man directly with their neighbors.

I would like to suggest that everyone invite their neighbors over for a neighborhood pot luck. Get to know your neighbors socially at least once a year or even every other year, get together and have a little party. This social networking will go very very far in reducing future issues. And it is a good thing to do, simply get to know your neighbors a little bit more than just waving at them. This first step does not have to lead to becoming "best freinds" or even friends but will greatly improve your understanding and evaluations of who you have living in proximity to you. The real only way to do this is in a social setting. Perhaps this is a good winter project, throw a party, and i like pot luck everybody brings a dish and it is something to talk about to break the ice. We can, and occasionally do, go to any of our direct neighbors when we need help or advice. Why? Becasue when we moved here we invited them over for cocktails a couple times and for lunch (lunches her are like full course dinners). Just a very small social effort has pays huge dividends. if I lived on a road with 5 or 6 houses i would invite them all over.

Just an idea for the TBNers to consider for 2007.

 

[n8wrl]

This is a great idea. But I don't know what it is - wherever we live we never get much traction with this. In apartments, town-houses, or the rural neighborhood we now live in - we have open houses, Christmas parties, try to organize 'block BBQ's and rarely get many takers. Some people don't even respond to invitatinos we put in mailboxes. We've stopped by knocking on doors to invite people who either say they can't make it (ok) or say they can and don't (not ok).

It's weird. Maybe it's us. Dunno. Hard to keep it up.

-Brian

 

[rox]

Well good for you for trying! I bet you got to know a little bit at least some of your neighors though, didn't you?

 

[MrJimi]

Things sure are different in France than they are in the United States, That won't work in our neighborhood.
Jim

 

[BobRip]

Things sure are different in France than they are in the United States, That won't work in our neighborhood.
Jim

It works in my neighborhood. I think it's a great idea. You can also just go over and talk to neighbors occasionally.

 

[Robert_in_NY]

We know are neighbors and help each other out from time to time but for the most part we all keep to ourselves and don't bother each other. We all do our own thing and get along great. We do have one neighbor none of us care for and no amount of talking will change a person's life style. They constantly let garbage blow on to all their neighbors property and never even try to pick any of it up. They drive across one neighbors land like they own it and tear things up. There are a bunch of other things they do that annoy us and the other neighbors but there is nothing any of us can do as we have already talked to them with no results so we just ignore them and everyone gets along fine.

Neighbors help each other out when they are in need and we are lucky in the fact that all but one of our neighbors are good people.

As for a picnic or something, a lot of people feel out of place in a setting where they won't know anyone or only know one or two people. I have found it is best to just introduce yourself to your neighbors one at a time and be casual. Usually you do this when you run into each other along property borders.

 

[Bird]

Rox, I'm not sure why that's seldom done in this area, except that usually when you get invited to a neighbor's house for a group get together, it's because they're trying to sell you something, whether tupperware, Avon, Home Interiors, or some other stuff. I think there also is a tendency to be reluctant to invite strangers into your home to see what you do or don't have. Some people drink and/or smoke; others are adamantly opposed to such things. I guess maybe people here just value their privacy unless or until they get to know someone else in some way besides inviting them into their homes.

However, it's sometimes just a matter of someone breaking the ice and getting started, and in fact, I think you have the right idea. When we bought a new house in 1977; new development in town on small lots, everyone was new to the neighborhood, or at least had been there no more than 6 months. But when a new couple moved in next door to us, they went around inviting everyone to their house one Saturday afternoon. I guess there were probably 10 to 15 couples. It so happened that 5 of us became very close friends; still are, although unfortunately two of the men have died since then. The others were pretty seldom seen or associated with, but at least we knew each other's names when we waved, and as far as I know there was never any neighbor squabbling about anything.

 

[HappyCPE]

One of my neighbors doesn't talk to anybody except to threaten them, hasn't mown the lawn in the last 2 years, hasn't painted the house in 20, has a leaky roof and broken window glass, and waits until the township lists the property on the tax auction list before paying just enough to get by another quarter.

When I first moved in I had a liberal moment and assumed this was all some sort of "cry for help," except that their gate to the property is padlocked 24/7 and rattling the gate gets the front door opened and the giant Rottweiler released as a snarling welcoming committee.

Some folks just don't want to be a part of society. Obviously they don't want to know me, so, whatever.

 

[MossRoad]

We know all of our neighbors by name and talk with them over the fence every chance we get. Two houses on the left, three across the street and one on the right. We all watch out for each other when someone is on vacation and pitch in for cleanup in neighborhood disasters like tornados and snowstorms. I've always talked to my neighbors since I was a little kid. Heck, out at our property there is a woman that lives across the street. The first thing I did was introduce myself to her and her husband and told them a bit about our plans. We see here every so often in the market and we always stop to have a chat.

On the other hand, we do have one neighbor that we had to call the cops on several times a year for a couple years. She finally figured out that if you don't do illegal things in broad daylight, the neighbors tend to get along with you much better.

 

[drssg]

My wife and I used to live in a subdivision, and I never took the time to get to know any of our neighbors. One day, I was in the front yard, and a large moving van was backing down our road.

I decided this would be a good opportunity to start off on a good note with a new neighbor. So I walked over, stuck out my hand, and introduced myself. He looked at me kind of funny, shook my hand, and said, "We're moving out."

We never were close.

 

[DieselPower]

I consider myself lucky. I know all the farmers that border my property and get along great with all of them. Might have something to do with me being a mechanic and working on their tractors though.

 

[Nissan197]

You are lucky if you have neighbors you talk with on a regular basis. I remember in the neighborhood I grew up in everyone knew each other on the whole block and usually further. Most of those old neighbors are still around even though my parents moved after raising my brother and I. If you seen each other outside it was not uncommon to talk to each other across the chain link fence for at least 15 minutes. Now, with a family of my own and neighbors it just does not happen. It seems like in my neighborhood you get to know people and they will move within two years. No one stays in the same place for very long. I am the exception, so far been in the same house for ten years. It is very different compared to 15 - 20 years ago.

 

[thingy]

Well my nearest neighbors are 150 and 250 yards and we own the land between us,so they can't get any closer,,we get along fine,[believe it or not] ain't shot either of thems dogs,[yet],,and am keeping an eye,[kinda],on the one place cause they are in fl. for the winter,wifes watering their plants and all that,,,,BUT,I grew up so far back in a hollow,that if you went out on the front porch and was real quite and if you listened real good,you could hear the car coming up your road to see you,10 min before it came in site,,,,the only neighbor that I would really like to have is one thats at least a 1/2 mile or more away,,,but lack of money and modern times have pretty much done that in for me,,,thats the only thing good I can see about living out west somewheres in a desert,where they ain't no trees/grass,and no reason to live there,other than,,,solitude,,,,,thingy

 

[California]

... Get to know your neighbors...

That's my natural instinct and it's worked with some of them.

I invited everybody in the neighborhood to Dad's memorial service which was just a simple snack potluck/neighborhood gathering at the ranch. About 2/3 of the neighbors came, and I think we shared with them a common interest to look out for one another even if we didn't see one another often.

Then as I encountered the remaining ones on the shared easement, I flagged them down and offered to pay my share of road maintenance when needed. But these people didn't much want to socialize.

"Are you queer?"

Me: No ... in fact make that a clear **** No. Happily married and two daughters. Why did you ask?

"Cause everybody who has ever bought property around here is same-*** couples coming up weekends from San Francisco. All female so far but you never know."

Me: Look - See those redwood trees? (75?? ft tall). Grandma and I planted one of those, about 1953. I didn't just now buy here, I inherited half and bought the second half out of Dad's estate. I've been around here, first visiting grandparents then later looking after Dad, for over 50 years. I remember the farmer who operated the orchard here. (That farmer subdivided, and this present neighbor bought a suburban-size piece of it).

The neighbor looked unconvinced. I was still the newcomer in his eyes even though I continued operation of a 100 year old orchard next to him that provides his place, which is all lawns and fences now, with that country ambience he came here to find. I think we agreed that road maintenance was a common interest but I don't think we found much else in common.

Then the following year, the orchard over on the other side of me was sold. The buyer immediately surveyed then started marking for a fence. I met her on the easement, introduced myself, and asked her to please reconsider fencing our common boundary. There is an aisle there for hauling the harvest and we would each have to take out a row of ancient apple trees to build separate haul roads. There's no need for security, I'm a quarter mile down the narrow easement and she is beyond me. (I convinced her. She fenced her frontage facing the easement but not our common line.) Next time I saw her we had a nice conversation which she ended by saying 'look, I bought here for solitude so I hope you won't ever come over to try to become friends or anything'. Uh, sure, lady.

Then she wrote a note emphasizing her quest for solitude and slipped it in everyone's mailbox on the easement.

Then she called me and asked the address for the vinyard owner over beyond her. She had found his drainage crossed her back corner and wanted to send an attorney letter to him - and expected me to help her because she had an impression of me as friendly and helpful.

Me: Why don't you just walk over there and discuss it with him?

She replied it was her practice to always use an attorney to make that kind of request in her behalf. (She owns commercial property in SF, where an attorney probably is a good idea.)

I haven't heard from her since. The vinyard owner told me he shifted the drainage, and then tore out all his vinyard deer-fence and moved it out to the precise property line she had surveyed. This gave him a wider haul road and also knocked down a line of brush that had partly screened her place.

Sometimes dealing with neighbors just turns into soap opera. Rox, I agree one should make the attempt, but that doesn't always turn out as you hoped.

 

[BTDT]

My wife teaches school at the school she attended as a girl growing up. We know people all around us and in the community. And it's a good thing to try to do that, but some folks are just wired different. Then again, you think you know someone and they turn out to be a mass murderer (BTK killer). As far as everyone knew, he was an upstanding citizen, deacon in church, etc. All we can do is all we can do.

 

[DocHeb]

I introduced myself to the neighbor after we built a house and moved in. A couple weeks later he was out sighting in his rifle on an improvised firing range. I talked with him about maybe moving his range so our house wasn't so downline from his target practice. His response: A marked increase in shooting, culminating with a WWII machine gun at 45 rounds a minute this summer!

"I've always shot my guns here - you shouldn't have built your house there."

Ignorance is curable, but stupidness is genetic.

 

[jinman]

Just an idea for the TBNers to consider for 2007.

Hey Rox, I met my neighbor and now I'm married to her. Does that count?

Of course, there's also PowPow Larry, Chainsaw Bob, and Junkyard Paul. I've met them all and dealt with their idiosyncracies until I just could not stand it anymore. Sometimes the people you find in the country are angry non-conformists who can't get along anywhere else. No matter how much you try they will find a "wedge" to drive into any possibility of a civil friendship. When that happens, it's live and let live. I can honestly say I have tried and also don't bear them any malice. I just don't care to socialize.

 

[ronjhall]

Our neighborhood has at least one get together each year. Usually hosted by our closest neighbor. We have lived here for 35 years. We have more neighbors. But know about the same number of people that we did when we first moved in. The circle has grown smaller in distance. But like Jinman stated there are the people that moved out here to be away from other people. Those are the ones we wave at and they just keeping on going without a wave back.

 

[MossRoad]

I just don't care to socialize.

With you having 6000+ posts, you seem pretty sociable to us.

 

[MossRoad]

I have found that my Power Trac tractor has been a big ice breaker for some of the folks in our neighborhood... they come over and ask, "What the heck is that thing?" So, if you want to make new friends and meet your neighbors, go out and purchase a Power Trac today. If you want to remain lonely, buy a John Deere. Everyone's seen one already and you probably won't even meet a repairman for a few years.