The trouble may be excessive pressure developing from the rear lift. When the rear lift valve is activated, the loader valve isn't in use, so is open. But I think that when the rear lift leaks down excessively, it is, in effect, in near-constant activation to maintain the position. I think this pressurizes the outlet of the loader valve, and hinders its operation, since the "out" of the loader valve is having to push against the pressure required to maintain the rear lift. I also suspect this is what is blowing seals, because most of the loader valves aren't designed for pressure in that manner.
I don't have a developed theory about why using the rear lift doesn't rupture seals in the loader valve the loader is not being operated. A quick test to see if my suspicions are true would be to lower the rear implement down the ground, and experiment with the loader and bucket. I predict it will work much more quickly and with more strength, than with the rear implement lifted.