COMPLETELY LOST!! 2010 doesn't look good

[Oleozz]

Once you get some of your personal issues resolved than get out of the house and get involved. Church, boy scouts, Lions Club, just to name a few, will help you get your mind off yourself and you will be doing something useful.
Hang in there.

 

[EddieWalker]

A person who does this has been planing for MONTHS to make the break up. They might be a good half of a year or a year ahead of the other person emotionally. They have almost certainly put the relationship behind them and moved on.

Later,
Dan

This is very insightful, and something that I hadn't considered. She's been in the mindset that it's over from the day she decided to end the relationship. There's no telling how long ago that was, but it's allowed her to come to terms with it and justify it in my mind. She's not hurting anymore because for her, she's had the time to heal and move on.

What's really sad is that she's only thinking of herself and probably never considered, or comprehends the pain that her actions have caused.

Read what Dan wrote several times. It's very good information and something that I'm going to remember.

Eddie

 

[catfishdaddyengineering]

Rutwad,
Sorry to hear about your ill fortunes at the start of the year. I live just North of the Gump, so not too far apart. I am at a loss for words as to what the deal is with women nowadays. Most just seem to be crazy. On one hand they complain that they can't find a good man to treat them right, but on the other hand they pull this kind of crap, or are always dating losers and say they just want to be friends with the guy that will treat them like a Queen!

I am the same way with my wife that you were as far as friends. We started out as friends before we dated and have now been married for 13yrs with 3 kids. We are far apart from our families, so we have to rely on each other, and I would be the same way as you if I lost her.

One piece of advice for anyone else out there without many friends besides family or your spouse is that absence (but not too much!!) makes the heart grow fonder. I have to travel a few times a year on business and getting home makes it so much sweeter.

I am praying for the Lord's will in your life and hers. We TBN'ers don't know both sides of the story, but you both need the prayer for whatever has happened.

 

[kyspartan]

Rutwad,
Sorry to hear about your ill fortunes at the start of the year. I live just North of the Gump, so not too far apart. I am at a loss for words as to what the deal is with women nowadays. Most just seem to be crazy. On one hand they complain that they can't find a good man to treat them right, but on the other hand they pull this kind of crap, or are always dating losers and say they just want to be friends with the guy that will treat them like a Queen!

i learned that lesson a long time ago, a woman will stay longer with a man that treats her badly, than she will with a guy that treats her like a queen. its darnedest thing i have ever seen
as the saying goes, nice guys finnish last. and i have a feeling that saying is about women

 

[ray66v]

Oh yeah, avoid country, and or sappy music stations, for the foreseeable future.

 

[mnbowhunter1960]

Rutwald, you have received some really great advise here, and you will go through alot of different feeling in the next few weeks/months, love,hate confusion etc. at least I did, but time really does heal and you will be a better person in the end for what you are going through.You will love and be happy again someday soon even though it seems impossible right now, hang in there!

MH

 

[Ridgewalker]

This is very insightful, and something that I hadn't considered. She's been in the mindset that it's over from the day she decided to end the relationship. There's no telling how long ago that was, but it's allowed her to come to terms with it and justify it in my mind. She's not hurting anymore because for her, she's had the time to heal and move on.

What's really sad is that she's only thinking of herself and probably never considered, or comprehends the pain that her actions have caused.

Read what Dan wrote several times. It's very good information and something that I'm going to remember.

Eddie

I agree with DMCARTY on this one too. I just saw it happen, my 21 yr. old daughter had been dating a guy for 2.5 years, had been uphappy for the last year or so an one day decided to call it quits. It caught her BF totally off guard and really put a hurting on the boy.

My wife was very upset with my daughter over the way she did things, my daughter was mad at us 'cause she felt we took her BF's side.

Women, can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em!

 

[GPintheMitten]

Hi Rutwad,

I hope your feeling better some. I haven't read everything everybody posted but I want to say, I feel for you. When my wife and I were busting up after 33 years of marriage, I was really devastated and taken by surprise. I wanted to 'win' her back. I was a real mess.

But a wise social worker told me, that was not going to happen and that I should get myself stronger so I could move on eventually. He was right but I thought he was wrong and blunt and stupid and uncaring. Yep he was right.

It took a while but being with my two brothers who had been through divorce helped me. They didn't tell me what to do or give me much real direct advice but they kinda talked about the situations they went through and how a man can recover and have a good life but it takes time. I'm sure it took me a lot longer than some to get feeling better about myself and life in general.

But back to being with my brothers... after I was with them on the boat for a weekend, and was still living with my wife but 'astranged' I guess you might say, I decided that if she was acting in this way, and I was engaged, I wouldn't marry her and if were dating, I would not get engaged. So why would I want to stay married to her. I decided that I had my whole life ahead of me and it was going to hurt for a while, but I had to get away from her and get on my own to eventually feel better later.

So I forgot about trying to 'win' her back and decided to end our marriage and move on. It took a few years for me to feel better and I had a lot of support from my grown kids (and she got support from them too).

I tried to date too soon and stopped seeking that out for awhile. About 3 years later I decided to do something to try and find a good caring woman. Eventually I did and we fell in love and are quite happy. Life is good again for me. It will be for you eventually too.

Now I look back and think based on our relationship and her behaviour, and think why did I ever want to win her back.

Chin up. Seek out time with the guys. And you will be much better down the road. You'll learn from this relationship and probably contribute better to the next one. I have.

 

[tugboat-2]

Hi Rutwad,....I too hope you are beginning to feel a little better,...at least you should be getting somewhat used to the whole idea and have been able to kick various thoughts and ideas around in that confused head of yours.

I think "GPintheMitten" makes good sense and should supply you with more good thoughts to consider.

If you had a cat you loved and it decided to run off one day,... and through your grief you were able to eventually track it down and grab the little bugger,... while it was snarling, biting your hand and scratching you bloody,.. you managed to get it back home and securely inside the house.

Great,...good for you,...feel better? ...But, "WHAT" have you got? Can you leave the house? Can you leave a door adjar? ..or a window open? You now have a prisoner ! (who is likely planning another escape)? You want it back but it does NOT want to be back!!!

Best let the cat go, . . . ... one day you'll find one who "WANTS" to be with you,..appreciates the things you do,..and will love you! ..Just thought this might help focus the picture that's a little blurry at the moment?

This will be one of THEE most difficult tasks you will likely ever face,... but you must do it. Take your time, but get it done! Life "will" be good again!!

We are all just trying hard to "assist" you through this very rough part of your life. ...again, I wish you the very best!!

CHEERS!
. . tug

 

[rox]

rutwad- after re-reading everything you wrote I'll go out on a limb here. It wasn't your fault. You are a really nice guy and it comes through. My sister's ex did the same thing to her, jsut wanted out and there was no overriding reason. She met and remarried an engineer and his wife had up and left him also. She was not happy because he worked to much and she wanted to party more. For valentines day he bought a trip to London to spend time together and she walked away instead. In our family we value hard work and would never think of leaving someone because they work to much. My husband being a chef worked all week-ends when he was younger and all holidays. I would have never thought to leave him because he had to work. His hard work kept us living in style. Oher women, shallow women would have resented not having a ready partner to "go out" with.

I would say that there is something missing inside of her, and again you seem like a heck of a good catch to me! Keeping busy is excellent advice, your best days are ahead of you, try not to look back, look forward.