COMPLETELY LOST!! 2010 doesn't look good

rutwad · Jan 2, 2010

Well, here I am on the internet which may have been part of the problem to start with.

Everyone, THANK YOU!! This board has been great. The issues, problems, fixes, thoughts, etc.

It's only the 2nd day of a new year and my wife has just left me. I am so lost. She took every part of me with her, she was EVERYTHING.

My parents live nearby. They and my wife are just about the only ones I am ever around. As of now I am not ready to tell my parents for my sake and theirs. They loved my wife too.

Mama is battleing Multiple Myeloms. Daddy has Parkinson's and is really emotional about mama. Everything is setting pretty heavy on me right now and I really don't know where to turn. I do ask for a kind thought, word, or Prayer though. Doesn't even have to be posted, just ......

dave1949 · Jan 2, 2010

Sorry to hear you are at a tough place right now. Spend time with people you like, and don't dwell on the past. Tomorrow is another day, give yourself time to deal with things.
Dave.

brin · Jan 2, 2010

Well you have prayers coming from here and take it a day at a time and stay busy. This too shall pass...Goid Bless

EddieWalker · Jan 2, 2010

Having been there myself, I can tell you that it will get better. Unfortunatly, there is a timeline that you have to go through. Time will make it better, but there's now shortcut for it and for now, there really isn't anything that you can do. Drinking will make it worse and lead to doing stupid things that you'll regret. I found that I couldn't eat or sleep. I spent a few weeks in a sort of a daze, then I decided to keep busy. I found that working kept my mind off of my failed marriage and the longer I worked, the more tired I became, the better I slept. In my case, it was about 8 months until I started feeling good about myself again, and a few months after that until I started dating again.

The good thing is that you are not the same person you were when you met your wife, and she's not the same person either. For whatever reason the marriage ended, it's over and your life is about to start all over again. You can make it the greatest thing that's ever happened to you, or you can let it bother you. Sitting around and hurting is a good time to look into yourself and try to see what you did wrong and what it is that you want out of your life and the next person that you marry. I married Barbi and ignored allot of the things about her that led to our divorce. She was very pretty, had a perfect body and could be allot of fun. Unfortunately, she was very shallow and insecure. She couldn't see tomorrow and was only interested in today. I'm always thinking about tomorrow and making plans towards my goals. After my divorce, I realized that what was more important then looks and having fun is finding a woman who has the same outlook on life as I do and is in it for the long haul. It sounds sillly now, but that was a big revelation for me.

Just be reaching out, you're on the right track to getting past this. Don't be afraid about talking about it, and don't spend your time pointing fingers or passing blame. What is done is done, and you can either move foreward, or live in the past. I know it's not possible to move foreward right now, or even anytime soon, but that is your goal,and when it starts to happen, you will quickly realize that the next phase of your life is going to be so much more exciting and interesting then you even thought possible.

Eddie

rockinmywaypa · Jan 2, 2010

It's been 5 years and a month since mine walked out to be with another man. This was the first Christmas I've enjoyed that I wasn't scrambling with lawyers to address something she was demanding for court. Like Eddie said time is your ally, any lies or untruths will come out in time. Get your financial papers together and get a decent lawyer, Be ready for unpaid bills to roll in if it's like I was. You're parents will find out sooner or later so you may as well tell them sooner, you'll need their support morally anyway, and it will be less upsetting for them if they find out from you instead of a nosy neighbor. There has been a lot of people went through it before you and you'll survive and be stronger for it. You just have to get back up each time you feel like you've been knocked down.

sellercreek · Jan 2, 2010

Ditto to what the other guys have posted. Time makes a difference and, while it looks bleak now, the best part of your life may be in front of you. Good luck!!

carpenter383 · Jan 2, 2010

rutwad I've never been married, but I've been through a few relationships. To me the worst thing is wondering what she is doing, who she is spending time with, etc. In my experiences the more miserable she thinks you are the less miserable she will be.
It's hard to do, but not speaking to her will most likley help ease the pain. And don't try to pry details out of her about why she left, details make things worse.

YouTube - Patty Loveless - How Can I Help You Say Goodbye

Oleozz · Jan 2, 2010

There are a lot of folks on this site who have gone through what you are experiencing. Know for a fact that it won't be easy for awhile but you will make it. Everything happens for a reason, this entire affair will make you a better and stronger person.
You will be in my prayers.

dex3361 · Jan 2, 2010

I am sorry for what you are going through and it always is sad to see a family fracture. You cant control what someone else does only what you do. I will pray for you.
Philippians 4:13 I CAN DO ALL THINGS through Christ which strengtheneth me.

sbr · Jan 2, 2010

Sorry to hear about it.. your not alone, it happend 5 years ago to me. keeping busy was the only thing i could do to keep the pain away.. i found love and happiness again and so can you... good luck