COMPLETELY LOST!! 2010 doesn't look good

[arrow]

No matter how mad, sad, or upset I get, she is a good woman and wife.

'Til Tomorrow.....[/QUOTE]

You sir are on a correct track. This is a matter of choice. What starts out so obvious relationship wise, can get skewed in so many ways later on down the road. In other words, there are no guarantees. What makes your assertion so healthy is the fact that you do not have to take this so personally. This is something she did for her and not necessarily to you. You will not get toxic with your present attitude. She may be thinking the grass is greener if indeed there was not something overt that ended this relationship. This same thing also happened to a buddy of mine. His biggest problems began when she came back as she was still restless. People are funny. We are not hard to figure out as a species, its just that we hide ourselves from each other. Take each day at a time because each day can take an unexpected twist. What you had Rutwag, even though it was shorter in duration than you liked, was better than a lot of marriages that last 40 years of which the last 32 were miserable. One day you'll hold your head high, mainly because you'll be more attractive that way. Of course their might be the twist down the line of your wife finding out it takes a **** of alot more water to keep the grass greener if indeed that is why she scooted.. As I said, life is funny.

 

[Matt_Jr]

it takes a **** of alot more water to keep the grass greener

I've never heard that side of it. Good point.

 

[RickO]

What's the saying, what doesn't break us will make us stronger? Hopefully I will come through better than ever. Whether she left because of something missing here or because of something she may have found elsewhere, I can still look to myself and see where I could have been better. I've decided not to blame myself, just realize how I can better myself.


'Til Tomorrow.....

This is right thinking and applies to all of life. It is pointless to beat yourself up over the past regardless of what it was. As you think of things, regrets, etc. if you feel the need to share them or appologize to get them off your chest, send a letter to her and let her know. But don't expect anything from that letter - do it for you and your recovery if it helps to do it.

Then move on after you send it. Don't even worry if she received it or how she reacted to it because you are not responsible for her reactons/actions - nor can you control them. Remember this is for your recovery and if you are a kind hearted dude this will help ease any guilt that may tend to creep into your mind to make you even more miserable. A letter is also non-threatening to her "Freedom". She can read it, burn it, save it for later. But your conscious will be clear so that you can move on.

I find myself doing this with my kids - one is out of the house. I've made some mistakes with raising kids, as everyone does. When some of my parenting mistakes keep nagging at me, I appologize when I get a chance, send a letter etc. Then I move on and don't beat myself up for it. I believe it is up to the other person to forgive and I can't do their forgiving for them.

 

[jpm]

rutwad; i had a old girlfriend dump me a long time ago and felt the same way
now many years latter i retired from real work,have a great wife & family working as a ski instructor loving life,over christmas vacation at work we see this family
arguing & fighting i suggest a lesson for his wife and he decided it was a good way to get some peace and said yes ,handed over a credit card ,see you latter. this woman was the old gf i tried teaching years ago,i knew all the fears & worries she had so it was a easy lesson for me plus she didn't know it was me at first. of course she said life was great till the c.c. came back no good partway though the lesson and how are you going to pay? i finnaly told the boss i'll pay, and the truth came out ,no money ect. the real pay off came at the end of the lesson handing her back to the husband and leaving as the fight started again. revenge served verryy cold priceless

 

[rockinmywaypa]

I've often heard that rejection is God's protection, jpm may have just proved it, many others have proved it, I've seen it and it put a smile on my face knowing that I've dodged the bullit so to speak.

 

[dmccarty]

Oh yeah, avoid country, and or sappy music stations, for the foreseeable future.

Do not EVER EVER EVER put into the CD player, remember those, , a CD you just got in the mail from the CD club.....

While you are packing up the stuff she left behind....

And the CD is Don Henley's "The End of the Innocence." which has the song, "The Last Worthless Evening"

Don Henley | The Last Worthless Evening lyrics

If I ONLY knew then what I know now.

Later,
Dan

 

[EddieWalker]

You guys are killing me with the music references. I never liked country music before my divorce, but for some unknown reason, started listening to it right after the divorce. For the first time in my life, it made sense to me!!!!

Eddie

 

[rutwad]

I am cautious of country music, along with anything that may have been her favorite song, or music for other reasons. Sounds and smells have a strong memory association with them.

Part of me says give up and move on. Part of me says wait to see that she moves on instead of coming back. Marriage is forever, but she has to be willing to come back. I hate to move on without her having a little time to rationalize things and make up her mind.

 

[carpenter383]

Originally Posted by arrow
it takes a **** of alot more water to keep the grass greener


The grass is only greener 'cause it's got cow s**t in it

 

[arrow]

Rutwad, there is nothing you have to do. Do what YOU wish. Just do not allow your actions and feelings to be dictated by the moves or talk of others. If you want a shot of getting her back, its not up to you, but I will opine not to chase this. Appear manly and strong in any incidental contacts you may have with her and not all glum about the break up even if it is while she's picking up her things. You have plenty of time to be depressed privately. and the funny thing, you'll actually be more attractive to her as you exude a strength which seems to make us more desirable. (just like in nature) Give this whole thing time with no expectations either way. If there is nothing egregiously wrong in your marriage, as quick as she left, she could come back and I do not care what she said about it being over. Take it a day at a time and remember how odd life can be at any point. What is here today may be gone tomorrow but the vice versa is also true.