Grandson update ...

[TripleR]

Jay ... he's doing well. Turning into a real hand around here. He turns 15 in April ... My problen now is he is starting to getting picked on in school. Got his ribs broke a few months back and last week got his glasses broke.

He's not big for his age ... he's a bean pole and very timid ... wears glasses and braces ....just won't stand his ground. I asked him when his ribs got broke and we where coming back from the Dr.... why did you take it? You should have fought back. All he said was ... I don't know.

He is strong. Lifts feed and throws hay bales. Carries buckets full and has some arms. I bought him a punching bag and a speed bag ... he tears them up and I know he can defend himself ... he just won't. I keep thinking one day he's just gonna have enough and I'll get the call to come to school cause he broke a boy's nose ... I will not punish him!!!

I worked with kids quite a bit in my job and your grand son is really not all that unusual. There is a significant difference in physical ability and mental ability.

A real concern is how is he handling this emotionally? Some can handle it quite well while others let it build up to the point to where the reaction is disproportionate.

I really like jayste's approach and it is certainly worth considering.

One option you might consider is enrolling him in some sort of self defense class and I am not talking about martial arts, just your basics. My son use to teach some of that stuff and had an instructor from out of state come down and give him some more training/techniques. He has been working with my other son's boy and he is fairly good at it and working with another person has given him hands on experience and confidence he didn't have before. Thankfully no one picks on him, but we believe he could handle it if that should occur.

 

[blueriver]

I worked with kids quite a bit in my job and your grand son is really not all that unusual. There is a significant difference in physical ability and mental ability.

A real concern is how is he handling this emotionally? Some can handle it quite well while others let it build up to the point to where the reaction is disproportionate.

I really like jayste's approach and it is certainly worth considering.

One option you might consider is enrolling him in some sort of self defense class and I am not talking about martial arts, just your basics. My son use to teach some of that stuff and had an instructor from out of state come down and give him some more training/techniques. He has been working with my other son's boy and he is fairly good at it and working with another person has given him hands on experience and confidence he didn't have before. Thankfully no one picks on him, but we believe he could handle it if that should occur.

Emotionally it does not seem to bother him... he is extremely happy with his life ... I think he thinks it just a way of life ... in the meantime we talk alot I try to encourage the good in people as well as there are some people who just insist on being mean. I work with him alot ... as I said I know he can defend himself and I can't push that, I just want him to be ready in the event he decides it's time.

 

[TripleR]

Emotionally it does not seem to bother him... he is extremely happy with his life ... I think he thinks it just a way of life ... in the meantime we talk alot I try to encourage the good in people as well as there are some people who just insist on being mean. I work with him alot ... as I said I know he can defend himself and I can't push that, I just want him to be ready in the event he decides it's time.

It sounds as though you are doing a very good job in raising him.

My only concern and it may very well be unfounded is that I have seen problems manifest themselves later in life from early life trauma/stress.

My degree is in social interactions, psychology, personality development and we have four children with seven grand children and one grand child and I still can't figure it out.

 

[blueriver]

It sounds as though you are doing a very good job in raising him.

My only concern and it may very well be unfounded is that I have seen problems manifest themselves later in life from early life trauma/stress.

My degree is in social interactions, psychology, personality development and we have four children with seven grand children and one grand child and I still can't figure it out.

Thanks for the advice. He came out of a world with alot of that. Up until I met him his life was pretty screwed up ... not that it may be screwed up now !! Everyday I ask myself if he's doing okay.

I don't claim that step daughter but I do have alot of love for this boy. When I got him you could ask him a question and all he would do is shrug his shoulders with no answer ... I'd say boy ya got to learn to talk. Now sometimes I wonder how to get him to shut up!!! I never tell him that .. he has no friends and seems not to want any. I'll ask him about friends and he'll just say ... naw I'm allright. When I do see him interact with kids at church he always goes to the younger 7-10 year olds and does not hang out with his age group ... he likes baseball and joined that the last two years and at the games and practice he's the one outside the group ... hangs back of the rest of the boys.... small school and when I ask him did you see so and so today ... he says yes he walked by but I didn't talk to him. Says he sits at the lunch table by himself.

 

[TripleR]

Thanks for the advice. He came out of a world with alot of that. Up until I met him his life was pretty screwed up ... not that it may be screwed up now !! Everyday I ask myself if he's doing okay.

I don't claim that step daughter but I do have alot of love for this boy. When I got him you could ask him a question and all he would do is shrug his shoulders with no answer ... I'd say boy ya got to learn to talk. Now sometimes I wonder how to get him to shut up!!! I never tell him that .. he has no friends and seems not to want any. I'll ask him about friends and he'll just say ... naw I'm allright. When I do see him interact with kids at church he always goes to the younger 7-10 year olds and does not hang out with his age group ... he likes baseball and joined that the last two years and at the games and practice he's the one outside the group ... hangs back of the rest of the boys.... small school and when I ask him did you see so and so today ... he says yes he walked by but I didn't talk to him. Says he sits at the lunch table by himself.

You have started down a very long and difficult road as I am sure you already know. It sounds as though you are making good progress. I see the same red flags as you, but know of no better way to address them than what you are doing.

Several of the Officers working under my direct supervision had advanced degrees in psychological counseling and related fields even they were mystified by the complexities of personality development, behavioral modification and social interaction.

At some point you might want to bounce some of this off of a professional, but you will know that better than anyone.

I have seen some exceptional people come out of very dysfunctional situations and really messed up people come out of very stable ones.

The most important thing is he now has someone whom he knows loves him and on whom he can depend and the value of that cannot be over emphasized.

 

[blueriver]

The most important thing is he now has someone whom he knows loves him and on whom he can depend and the value of that cannot be over emphasized.

Yes your right ... but I'm worried that we are the only ones in his life. I can understand how he feels about his lifestyle. For the first time he has love and respect ... he is in our hip pocket. In his world there is nothing more than Grandpa and Grandma.

He has duty, responsiblity and obligation and like any kid on a scale of 1-10 he's in there at a 6-7 ... yes he forgets some chores. His grades go up and down ... he loves to accomplish things and has more than once told me ... Grandpa there isn't anything that we can't do... we are firm and we do discipline, reward acomplishments.

He just does not interact ... he has a four wheeler, kids in the neighbor hood that he could get together with ... he just doesn't.

Last baseball season he came home and told me "the other boys think I weird" I asked him why ... he said because I change into my uniform in the bathroom ... I said that may be a little weird ... boys are boys and its okay to change in the locker room with all the rest of the boys. I don't know if he changed that or if he still does it his way. I haven't asked.

 

[treman]

I am not a professional but I know that I was similar to your grandson in that I was on the outside. Not very social with people my own age, heck I got along better with my grandfather(lived next door to me from the day i was born til the day he died god rest his soul) and other adults very easily as it was known what was expected of me and that made it easy to converse with and be around. the smoke bomb thing makes me think that his attempts to acclimate and blend with the younger group have not gone well. I know I had more than my fair share of failed attempts to gain friendships. I'm still in my late 20s and remember a lot of these rather vividly.

I think as you already know that he will be ok. it sounds like you are doing a marvelous job of raising him and helping him become a well balanced young man. the next couple of years will most likely be rough on him as im sure you know but I am willing to bet that He will turn out better than most, having a loving home and family will go a long way. I know I owe a great debt to my parents and grandparents.

keep up the good work, keep him busy and I think he will be just fine. your doing fantastic. Your an amazing grandfather and he knows it and appreciates every minute of it. God bless.

 

[rsewill]

Jay ... he's doing well. Turning into a real hand around here. He turns 15 in April ... My problen now is he is starting to getting picked on in school. Got his ribs broke a few months back and last week got his glasses broke.

He's not big for his age ... he's a bean pole and very timid ... wears glasses and braces ....just won't stand his ground. I asked him when his ribs got broke and we where coming back from the Dr.... why did you take it? You should have fought back. All he said was ... I don't know.

He is strong. Lifts feed and throws hay bales. Carries buckets full and has some arms. I bought him a punching bag and a speed bag ... he tears them up and I know he can defend himself ... he just won't. I keep thinking one day he's just gonna have enough and I'll get the call to come to school cause he broke a boy's nose ... I will not punish him!!!

Broken ribs and broken glasses would have me visiting the school counselor. Bullying can turn deadly.

 

[blueriver]

Broken ribs and broken glasses would have me visiting the school counselor. Bullying can turn deadly.

I did visit with them ... expressed my concerns that perhaps things may also get worse for him if the kids new he was a "rat" ... I expressed a little more supervision by the teachers and to keep an eye on things going on at the school ... this is a very small school he's a freshman and there are only 14 in his class. I would think supervision wouldn't be that hard.

 

[txdon]

Broken ribs and glasses! I would make it a point to have the Bully expelled, and possibly have charges of assault filed on the kid. What kind of school administrators tolerates this type of behavior. And we pay School Taxes to support this bulling. By doing nothing the other kids are seeing that you can get away with it and it is promoting this type of behavior. The school is doing an injustice to both kids.

I'm sure there were witnesses to this incident. As a school administrator it is his job to interview/interrogate each child to get to the bottom of this. Your grandson does not have to be the snitch if it is investigated right. I hope the school is teaching the children when it is right to be a snitch.