I have debated about a 4n1 bucket. However, from what I understand, it is easy to twist them out of shape picking up irregular loads, like a log that's 6" on one side and 2" on the other.
Grapples: there are VERY different styles and how well they operate will vary greatly depending on your needs.
I have a "root grapple" (I think). The front of the tines is upturned and it has two independent clamps. It works well for grabbing lots of brush. It is not very good for grabbing logs. It has to be "stood on end" to get under the logs and it is difficult to grab more than one or two logs. If they are small logs, the clamps will not close far enough to hold onto the logs.
There are clamshell grapples which I would think do a better job of holding smaller logs. There are also grapples with tines low to the ground which would be better at slipping under logs (and maybe brush).
Generally true skid steer attachments are bigger and heavier than some of the attachments made for smaller tractors. Some of the really heavy duty 4n1 buckets can weigh close to 1000# which is taking up a lot of the capacity of the smaller tractor loaders.
Hydraulic lines: if you get something like a grapple, you will, of course, need hydraulic lines to the front. Size and capacity isn't really much of an issue. Yes, it might close a bit slower, but ultimately it will still work with the same pressure. Where hydraulic flow really counts is where you are using something with a hydraulic motor, such as a rotary cutter, auger, saw, etc.
As for adding a backhoe, most tractors need a "subframe" for a backhoe. It is just not wise to attach them only via the 3 pt hitch. They aren't strong enough for that. In most tractors, the engine alone is connecting the front of the tractor to the rear of the tractor! All the stress is on the engine. OTOH, my
B21 TLB doesn't even have the 3pt arms installed, they are stored away. The BH is attached to the subframe.
Ken