Dealing with an elderly parent or relative.

[nwngunner]

The amount of money that is required to have some one put in a home is staggering. Around here, its like 60,000 a year. That is a home for a normal person with just average age and health issues. Most wont take a mental patient. I am glad to see that you took the money and got the funeral services paid for before the state gets involved. The state will take everything that they own. We were worried about loosing my 4th generation farm. Thankfully my grandfather didnt want the property and he signed it over to my mother as soon as my grandmother died. It was my grandmothers parents farm to begin with. My grandfathers children from another marriage tried to take the farm, that was another nightmare as well.

Their property has to be out of their name for 5 years, then the goverment cant come back and take it.

 

[California]

It is a difficult situation when someone outlives their money and the taxpayers are asked to pay rest home costs etc in their final years. It is customary for the county to file a lien against the decedent's home to recover costs the county paid for that person's care. Also if the estate is large enough to invoke Estate Tax, the feds and maybe the state can create liens to be first in line for estate assets. Heirs have to settle all the liens if they want the property instead of residual cash. This can get really unfair when an in-state descendant, someone most likely to want the farm or house, was billed by the county to pay a share of elder care cost when the elder was in a rest home, while out of state descendants were never billed but still have equal inheritance rights.

A personal story - I have been named to become Successor Trustee for an estate consisting of a house, that has to be cashed out and distributed to heirs upon the death of the last of four daughters. One of those daughters is now 102 and still going strong. I expect the county will end up with the house that these four sisters 'inherited' and then rented out for the past 50 years, after I settle the original 1963 lien and five decades of interest on it. I wish they had put the title in their name and closed the estate at some point years ago, but they never got around to it - it was easier to just let a rental agent send them checks for years and years. I think when the time comes, I will re-delegate the role of Trustee to one of their descendants who has benefited from that rental income.

Please folks don't leave a mess like this to your own loved ones.

 

[nwngunner]

A buddy of mine has 3,000 acres of land that him and his dad farm. His sister says she wants nothing to do with it. How ever, i told him what ever you do make sure you take care of it now before your parents dont have the mental abilities to decide what is going to happen. You would think family would stick togeather, how ever when a parent or some one dies, it all becomes about the money. Its all any one can see.

 

[California]

... His sister says she wants nothing to do with it.

Then she is going to expect cash for half the highest appraisal she can find.

He better start saving right now.

 

[brin]

A buddy of mine has 3,000 acres of land that him and his dad farm. His sister says she wants nothing to do with it. How ever, i told him what ever you do make sure you take care of it now before your parents dont have the mental abilities to decide what is going to happen. You would think family would stick togeather, how ever when a parent or some one dies, it all becomes about the money. Its all any one can see.

So very true....I know form experience and I was stunned and shocked....just so sad...but in my case it worked out....It is just so heart breaking so see how family turns on one another...it is all about money...no regard to who has taken care of the parents or sacrificed....

 

[nwngunner]

His parents have already set a bunch of money off to the side. The wills are all cut and dried. They took my advice and i am glad they did.

 

[greasemonkeyok]

One does not know a person until he has shared an inheritance with him. Chinese proverb.

 

[QRTRHRS]

I got a call this afternoon to get to the nursing home. My mother had been back in the hospital for about a week then two days ago she was taken back to the nursing home. I was an hour away so I had my wife head to the home rather than pick her up at the midway point where we live. I did not make it in time but my wife did. Seems though my mothers vital's were okay this morning, her lungs filled up with fluid and she passed peacefully.

Tests to see if she had had a mini stroke or so have been inconclusive. We think the shock of the home triggered her dementia to the point where she just plain gave up a few weeks ago. She would have been 90 on Sept 3rd. It would have been a nice legacy for her to have reached that milestone but it is what it is. Her pain is over.

I did not have power of attorney. My wife and I had pre-arranged a cremation barely a week ago as was my mothers wish. I had to send out release forms for my siblings to sign off on. My brother who had a falling out with my mother years ago refused to sign so I lost a brother today as well. The papers will go to the judge to sign a court order. The is no money to fight over so it will only be the bill collectors to deal with.

 

[California]

Oh man. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

And I'm sorry to hear the situation got more complicated just when you don't need that.

 

[nwngunner]

I am sorry that you lost your mother, and your brother in the process. Now if there was some with power of attorney, that ends the moment that she passed. It is who ever was on the will as the execuator of the estate that now has the power. That is if there was a will. Also i am sorry that you ended up loosing a brother in process. Keep us updated on whats going on.