What is wrong with middle aged people?

[Dftodd]

Yep, like trying to be your child's friend when you should be your child's parent.

My grandsons momma is that way. Thankfully when he's with my son and daughter in law, he gets the structure and discipline he needs. His younger brother (different dad) is horrible. We've been around them before at a birthday party or similar event where he starts acting up. His momma tries to reason with him. This kid will flip out, call her some pretty serious names. The boys 5.

He tried that with my wife once Boy had no idea what to think when my wife snatched him up so she could talk to him nose to nose. Then made him sit next to her for the rest of the birthday party. The momma got miffed and started with my wife. My wife told her that she could have the same punishment since she wanted to talk to her kid like a friend instead of being a parent

 

[dragoneggs]

Yep, like trying to be your child's friend when you should be your child's parent.

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

 

[ultrarunner]

Words meanings vary... and it comes down to perception and that is without getting into the generational age gap...

 

[tjkubota93]

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

My 5 year old told me I was his best friend. It felt awesome. I just said thanks you are mine too.

A month later I spanked him and he said I wasn't his best friend anymore. I said I'm your dad, I have to be better than your best friend. I have to make sure you turn out good and are safe. Haha I dont think he cared or got it, but he looked like he was thinking.

 

[MossRoad]

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

I can't give you any good advice, as I'm not a professional counselor, but I did sleep on an air mattress at my kid's apartment for the past 4 days (man, my back is tight! :laughing

I think of that song several times a year when I wonder if I spent enough time with my kids, should I have done this, or should I have said that.... I could drive myself nuts with guilt if I let me do it.

As a parent, you do the best you can with the tools you have at the time and that's all you can do. I have talked to my kids about things that maybe I could have done better, or wish I could do over. For the most part, now that they are adults, they are pretty forgiving and also very appreciative for the things we did for them, and the sacrifices we made in our lives to give them a good upbringing. That right there is very satisfying.

 

[MossRoad]

Who's gotten the "You're not the boss of me!" from your little kid? :laughing:

 

[dragoneggs]

Who's gotten the "You're not the boss of me!" from your little kid? :laughing:

Or threatening to emancipate? :laughing:

 

[MossRoad]

My oldest told us she wanted to go away to military boarding school around 7th grade because we were too strict.... we laughed hard. She even got pricing for it. $40K per year. Oh, look... SCUBA diving costs extra and you have to bring your own horse. :laughing:

She grew out of that phase.

 

[MossRoad]

Or threatening to emancipate? :laughing:

On a serious note, one of my sisters did just that. Then she moved in with my grandmother across the driveway and changed her address. Once she was emancipated, she was legally poor, so she qualified for education benefits that our parents couldn't afford, and she went away to school in another state. After a year, she moved back to Indiana and went to a state college for lower tuition costs. Worked out well for her, but I could tell it bothered my folks a bit. While it was only on paper, it was still hard on them.

It's kinda like when you hear horror stories about married couple's finances and they have to get a divorce to avoid losing everything. We have friends that had to do that. Husband made a bunch of bad business decisions and ruined them financially. They tried keeping separate finances after that, but somehow he did it again. So they got divorced so the wife could keep the house and have a place to raise their child. He'd still stay there even though he had a different address as a sham apartment somewhere. It was pretty strange. I think they got remarried and re-divorced again, but continue to see each other on the side between other relationships. It's just weird, but that's their deal, not ours, so what the heck. None of my business..... but YIKES! :laughing:

 

[2LaneCruzer]

I can't give you any good advice, as I'm not a professional counselor, but I did sleep on an air mattress at my kid's apartment for the past 4 days (man, my back is tight! :laughing

I think of that song several times a year when I wonder if I spent enough time with my kids, should I have done this, or should I have said that.... I could drive myself nuts with guilt if I let me do it.

As a parent, you do the best you can with the tools you have at the time and that's all you can do. I have talked to my kids about things that maybe I could have done better, or wish I could do over. For the most part, now that they are adults, they are pretty forgiving and also very appreciative for the things we did for them, and the sacrifices we made in our lives to give them a good upbringing. That right there is very satisfying.

That's it in a nutshell. We did the best for our kids that we knew how; tried to give them a stable home life, in a place where they could be safe, with good schools; in a rural area with plenty of space to play and grow. We made a few mistakes, but there's very few things I would do differently. I tried hard to avoid the mistakes I think my folks made.

 

[ultrarunner]

On a serious note, one of my sisters did just that. Then she moved in with my grandmother across the driveway and changed her address. Once she was emancipated, she was legally poor, so she qualified for education benefits that our parents couldn't afford, and she went away to school in another state. After a year, she moved back to Indiana and went to a state college for lower tuition costs. Worked out well for her, but I could tell it bothered my folks a bit. While it was only on paper, it was still hard on them.

It's kinda like when you hear horror stories about married couple's finances and they have to get a divorce to avoid losing everything. We have friends that had to do that. Husband made a bunch of bad business decisions and ruined them financially. They tried keeping separate finances after that, but somehow he did it again. So they got divorced so the wife could keep the house and have a place to raise their child. He'd still stay there even though he had a different address as a sham apartment somewhere. It was pretty strange. I think they got remarried and re-divorced again, but continue to see each other on the side between other relationships. It's just weird, but that's their deal, not ours, so what the heck. None of my business..... but YIKES! :laughing:

Follow the money is often the clue...

California has Prop 13... a friend was buying a house from the couple that built it 50 years ago... their property tax at the time was $1200... the new buy would be paying $8800...

When my friend mention the 4 fold increase to the sellers... they offered their daughter as part of the package as parent child transfer are often exempt from reassessment...

They had 4 kids and she was the youngest and the problem kid... rehab, drugs, etc... I think they were serious!

 

[MossRoad]

Follow the money is often the clue...

California has Prop 13... a friend was buying a house from the couple that built it 50 years ago... their property tax at the time was $1200... the new buy would be paying $8800...

When my friend mention the 4 fold increase to the sellers... they offered their daughter as part of the package as parent child transfer are often exempt from reassessment...

They had 4 kids and she was the youngest and the problem kid... rehab, drugs, etc... I think they were serious!

YIKES!!!

 

[Howling]

Follow the money is often the clue...

California has Prop 13... a friend was buying a house from the couple that built it 50 years ago... their property tax at the time was $1200... the new buy would be paying $8800...

When my friend mention the 4 fold increase to the sellers... they offered their daughter as part of the package as parent child transfer are often exempt from reassessment...

They had 4 kids and she was the youngest and the problem kid... rehab, drugs, etc... I think they were serious!

Back in college was walking back from seeing my girlfriend (now wife) in snow storm. Stopped and helped older couple struggling with a flat tire. Got a nice thank you letter with invite to their home and implied offer between a pair of eligible daughters.

 

[atsah]

implied offer between a pair of eligible daughters.

LOL..

 

[Industrial Toys]

Totally off topic, but I saw it mentioned, and it bugs me. Doesn't fold mean number of times doubled? Probably not, but it would make more sense.

 

[zzvyb6]

To get back on the OP's message, there is a new realization that the country's skill set base is depleted of many skills and that the few remaining skilled workers know their value. Texting 140 characters (Twitter max) and saying "OMG" with a flair is not a necessary skillset for a life. It used to be getting 50,000+ points in PacMan that was the high demand job thought. Being able to paint handmade tables, chairs and cabinets with grey and turquoise shabby chic chalk paint while 'distressing' with some old tire chains isn't working out for the get rich quick furniture journey by many folks around here. If you can analyse data, produce CAD drawings, run a 3D printer, weld, operate a sawmill, wire up a generator and transfer switch, unplug a sewer and get an electronically controlled furnace working, you have some pull in the job market. It also looks like if you can run a company into the ground, eliminate healthcare benefits, and move operations to India or China, and then run away with a million dollar separation bonus, you are in high demand.

Same of School System Superintendents, politicians, and sports team owners.

 

[atsah]

To get back on the OP's message, there is a new realization that the country's skill set base is depleted of many skills and that the few remaining skilled workers know their value. Texting 140 characters (Twitter max) and saying "OMG" with a flair is not a necessary skillset for a life. It used to be getting 50,000+ points in PacMan that was the high demand job thought. Being able to paint handmade tables, chairs and cabinets with grey and turquoise shabby chic chalk paint while 'distressing' with some old tire chains isn't working out for the get rich quick furniture journey by many folks around here. If you can analyse data, produce CAD drawings, run a 3D printer, weld, operate a sawmill, wire up a generator and transfer switch, unplug a sewer and get an electronically controlled furnace working, you have some pull in the job market. It also looks like if you can run a company into the ground, eliminate healthcare benefits, and move operations to India or China, and then run away with a million dollar separation bonus, you are in high demand.

Same of School System Superintendents, politicians, and sports team owners.

You about nailed it in my opinion.. Every high school should have several trade courses for anyone that wants to learn something other than a history lesson.. At the very least, the students will be ready for "something" other than college when they graduate which in not in the cards for some financially or otherwise..

 

[Industrial Toys]

I hired a guy that was proficient at CAD to build be a "Flip Screen Bucket". He could run the program, but was apparently was quite incapable of designing something mechanical. It takes more than training, I guess.

I would say it takes experience, intuition, interest and mechanical aptitude. The CAD ability is just the final ingredient. Maybe, the easy part.

 

[MossRoad]

Back in college was walking back from seeing my girlfriend (now wife) in snow storm. Stopped and helped older couple struggling with a flat tire. Got a nice thank you letter with invite to their home and implied offer between a pair of eligible daughters.

Did either one have a boat?

 

[BrokeFarmerJohn]

I can't give you any good advice, as I'm not a professional counselor, but I did sleep on an air mattress at my kid's apartment for the past 4 days (man, my back is tight! :laughing

I think of that song several times a year when I wonder if I spent enough time with my kids, should I have done this, or should I have said that.... I could drive myself nuts with guilt if I let me do it.

As a parent, you do the best you can with the tools you have at the time and that's all you can do. I have talked to my kids about things that maybe I could have done better, or wish I could do over. For the most part, now that they are adults, they are pretty forgiving and also very appreciative for the things we did for them, and the sacrifices we made in our lives to give them a good upbringing. That right there is very satisfying.

That’s cool that you visited your kids. I’m 28 and offer all the time for my grandparents to stay a week in my house, I have spare bedrooms they would stay in. They are getting older and live about an hour one way, they are all retired.

I visit for all the holidays with them and they always complain they don’t see me or my siblings enough and I need to come visit them more lol. They also want darn near a 7-14 days in advance notice, I simply can’t give that. I wish they would just come visit and stay a week or something in my house. My dad lives 2 miles down the road, one sister lives 30 mins away and the other sister rents a room out in my lower level, so they can see all the family if they spent a week up here. Heck I don’t care, they can spend a few weeks and explore the near by city.

Why they won’t, idk. Maybe someone on here can shine some light on the subject.

My house is clean, I’m kinda a more of a minimalist than a hoarder so I don’t have junk everywhere. The house is neat, clean and organized.

My grandpa has cancer, he has maybe a year. I even thought about selling my house and quitting my job of 6 years to take a year off or something to spend time with the grandparents. I feel like I’m gonna regret not doing it. My grandma on the other side is 93 and still lives at her home, she has only a few good years left also. But they all live so far away.