Advice on helping neighbor

[MossRoad]

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in (across the road at the end of my cul de sac). It was late in the year and I hadn't met them. Twice that winter I plowed out their drive. The second time I did see him watching at the window. The next spring we actually met and he apologized to me. He had hired someone to plow his drive. When he called them to settle the bill they told they never plowed because it was cleared before they got there. He thought I was the guy he hired. We both got a good laugh over it. He now has his own stuff to plow with and we are friends.

Doug in SW IA

Now that's funny! :thumbsup:

 

[shooterdon]

Interesting thread.

Nice to see most people are still good neighbors.

I know I should not be judgmental, and it is one of my biggest faults, but difficult to break. I have trouble helping people who, IMHO, should not need help. Like the example of the guy with a new snowmobile and needs plowing out. That is just BS and laziness.

My plow froze up during the recent cold snap and was inoperable. Too cold to be outdoors to try to fix it. I have over 300 yards to clear to get to the road, and another 1/3 acre or so between the house and detached garage. My buddy would plow me out for $50...which is really cheap and I give him $70...but he does not do a very good job.

Anyway, I got out the Ariens snowblower, that I use to clear the cement pad in front of the garage and the walkway to the house, and blew myself out....done it twice so far. It took about three hours each time. I am in my late sixties. And after doing that the first snow fall, I went out to shovel a path to the outhouse for my neighbor 1/2 mile away who has no septic system or water. He is three years older than I am, but in very poor shape, in part because he sits on his ***, chain smokes, drinks and watches TV 12 hours or more a day. I did not go back after the second snow fall. Yesterday, after taking him into town 25 miles away to do his laundry and shop, I shoveled his front landing and steps so he does not fall and hurt himself...but it frustrates me that he sits there all day and will not do the simplest chores to help himself. There I go being judgmental again!!!

Earlier this year, I offered to let him use my plow truck so he would have a vehicle and be more self sufficient. (He does not have a vehicle; and we live in the middle of nowhere. He is totally dependent on friends to take him into town to get water, food, and laundry done) I would pay for the insurance and repairs and all he had to do was pay for fuel. He turned the offer down!!! Will I continue to help him? Yes! I am stupid that way.

 

[4570Man]

I don’t feel like you’re being judgmental. What should you continue helping someone who won’t help themselves? You’re already being far more generous than I would be. Anyone that has money for alcohol, cigarettes and cable tv doesn’t need my money. Now add lazy into the mix and I’m definitely not helping. If I wanted the responsibility of someone like that I’d consider having kids.

 

[Diggin It]

I'll help an able bodied person do things. I'll do things for an able bodied person who may be in over their head IF they're willing to learn and show some ambition. I'm far less willing to help anyone who won't help themselves by choice.

 

[TheMan419]

So by the time I got home and got over there, someone was plowing. Turns out it was their grandson. They went to FL to escape the vortex. In any event they are sorted. He said they are very private ppl and likely would not have answered the door if I knocked. He now has my number in case he needs eye balls on the place in the future.

He has a nice plow truck so I have his number too in the event I cannot plow myself out.

 

[MossRoad]

Good to hear. And way to be a good neighbor. :thumbsup:

 

[sdquick]

Two thoughts
1) I have decided that I will do what is right for me. I feel like I should help people so I do what I can. I have decided that I do it because I think it is right to do for many reasons (makes me feel good, Karma, honoring my religion, honoring what my parents taught me, etc). This helps avoid my feelings being hurt when someone isn't appreciative or should do more on their own, I just remember that is not why I did it.
2) Sometimes people are just Grumps! But helping never hurts. When my kids were little and we moved into a new house, the police would show up every time someone parked in front of our house facing the wrong direction and for other silly things. The police knew it was silly and were always apologetic responding to the complaints. We were pretty sure it was the old couple across the street who were always home and I guess watching for anything wrong. That winter when we were out shoveling I got my kids and said lets go across the street. They did not want to go help the "mean old people". That winter we went and helped him shovel and said hi or would just do it if they weren't out yet. After that winter we never had another issue. I think it was a good lesson for my kids.

 

[ovrszd]

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in (across the road at the end of my cul de sac). It was late in the year and I hadn't met them. Twice that winter I plowed out their drive. The second time I did see him watching at the window. The next spring we actually met and he apologized to me. He had hired someone to plow his drive. When he called them to settle the bill they told they never plowed because it was cleared before they got there. He thought I was the guy he hired. We both got a good laugh over it. He now has his own stuff to plow with and we are friends.

Doug in SW IA

That's funny. Also logical that it happened.

 

[ovrszd]

So by the time I got home and got over there, someone was plowing. Turns out it was their grandson. They went to FL to escape the vortex. In any event they are sorted. He said they are very private ppl and likely would not have answered the door if I knocked. He now has my number in case he needs eye balls on the place in the future.

He has a nice plow truck so I have his number too in the event I cannot plow myself out.

Good outcome. Thanks for following up on this.

 

[tjkubota93]

I tend to be the helpful type as well.
Most winters I end up towing a half dozen out of the ditch and always have a tow cable in my car.
I always however deny any responsibility and never ask for compensation but if they insist I simply say that I enjoy wine.
\Always interesting to see how much my help is appreciated which I judge by the quality of the wine.

However I recall one who moaned that he was but a poor student (had a new car and was renting a cottage) and how he had no money.
This was one who knocked on my door requesting service one cold night.
Gave him the bottle of wine pitch which he forgot all about, naturally.

Well a year later he again put his car in a ditch and somehow found my phone number and called on his cell phone.
Was in my PJ's and truck was not plugged in so I said it would be 20-30 mins.

Not only was he in the ditch but was practically in a ravine on a private drive.
(being nosy, I suspect)
Well I hauled him out, dropped my plow blade and demanded he pay for disturbing me late at night.

I'll add he was always 'taking', like once at a neighborhood 'open house' he and his GF 'borrowed' the hosts fresh bottle of liguer and between them consumed it entirely while sitting at their dock without even mingling with other guests.
They were a young couple both on maxed out student loans (that's how the new car and cottage rental). Learned they did not plan to repay the loans either.

LOL, I generally that go to helpful guy but don't abuse.

Like I'll always lend a tool, but bring it back ASAP.
T only give one chance then onto the black list.