Cub, this thread gives you the most honest, realistic and informative advice I can imagine. Having read only one page, I am impressed by your attitude, ambitions and honest responses.
You remind me greatly of a friend that my sons had in high school. His dad was never home, scads of sisters and a brother, no money for advanced education, not sure what to do. What he did have was a good head on his shoulders, ability to see his situation realistically, he wanted to make something of himself. He was willing to work, came out to the ranch extremely often and helped me work cattle, build fence, do mechanic work, etc. He had lots of energy and always did his share of work and far more, without complaining when he got blisters or about the heat or dirt. Honest as the day is long. He did very well in high school. He graduated and that summer had a job roofing houses.
You are very like him.
One hot day on a house top, he said to himself: "I don't want to live this way the rest of my life. No real future and no way out. I've got to do something to find a way to a better life and that means going to college." He made a conscious decision to jump into the unknown. He joined the navy, served 6 years, excelled in all education provided, asked for responsible assignments, served in the power plant of a nuclear aircraft carrier, saved his money for college.
After he got out, he was uncertain about where and how to apply for college (never having done it). I helped him, encouraged him to apply at Rice University (very well respected). He was accepted on a scholarship and worked his way thru, getting a BS and MS degree in Electrical Engineering. Now married, 3 kids, works for NASA as a EE. Very successful.
Point is, Cub, you are like him. I can sense it from your writing. Excellent grammar, no misspelled words, clear thoughts well phrased, tenacity and a willingness/ability to reach out to others for information and advice, initiative, self awareness, intelligent, forthright. I have seen hundreds of resumes from college grads applying for jobs. Trust me, these qualities stand out from the printed word....and you have them...as good as the best 10% of what I have seen. Perhaps hard for you to believe, but true. And, this is the reason you have gotten soooo many honest and extensive responses to your posts...lots of other people see these qualities as well.
You mentioned being depressed. You are not alone, 25% of adults have mental health issues annually. So, we all deal with this personally or in our families...more information at
NAMI | What is Mental Illness? . If you feel you are becoming immobilized and things are hopeless, please know that there are places you can go for help, find one and go there (PM me if you wish)...from what you have said, your family is not going to be helpful here.
You are a unique YOU....and nobody can tell you what is the best path...but you can DECIDE that for yourself. And I trust you will. That said, my comments/advice would be:
DECIDE for yourself what realistic and positive path you WILL take, prepare as best you can including timeline/steps required to get started, then discuss with your parents. Let them know you love them and are grateful for all they have done and hope they will assist and support your decision, but even if they don't then you will continue to love them while proceeding with your chosen path. To facilitate this discussion, I suggest you write it all down in a letter and rework it until it says what you want to say. Then, call a family meeting, ask them to listen without comment while you read the entire letter, then discussion can follow.
You are 18 now, but I think still in high school? I suggest you wait until after graduation to assure you get the diploma, very important.
You don't want to leave a girl...but this may have to be the way it is. If you become serious, without further education/college and a job, then you become further mired down and many future options close down. It is time for you to open options and possibilities as you go forward, not begin shutting them down. Emotionally painful, yes, but it's part of loving yourself (a good thing and not a selfish thing) and being the best YOU that can be!
You have mentioned two paths: full college scholarship or the military. Either way is a good way to go. Both are moving positively to new experiences, greater independence, more education/knowledge. Many have worked their way thru college with various types of scholarships, government loans (including our current president and his wife), etc. Sometimes when trying to make a decision for a particular path it helps to write as many answers as possible to these questions:
I am excited about path X because...
I am afraid of path X because...
To follow path X I will have to...
I wish you all the best....we've all wrestled with similar anxieties, worries and concerns...part of growing up...hopefully they can be used as a positive force to encourage decisions, change and a positive future rather than becoming immobilizing and all consuming.
