Dealing with an elderly parent or relative.

[Stimw]

I have a friend and neighbor who is 87 years old, her husband died suddenly in January, they were married for 67 years!!! Her daughter lives next to her.
A few weeks ago the lady came over knocking on my door crying. I could tell she was confused and she kept saying "Can you help me, I can't find anybody". I walked her back home, got her settled and called her daughter who had gone shopping with a friend.
Long story short, the Dr had changed her medication and she had a reaction to it. So be sure to look at all sides, in her case the med change was minor.

 

[milkman]

Been there, still doing that. I had to make arrangements to put mom in a nursing home in '06, thankfully I was mostly supported in doing that by my eight siblings. Mom has Alzheimers and is reasonably healthy at 88 yrs. old. She still knows me and my sister who are there most often, but she don't know my younger brothers, thinks they should still be in grade school and the youngest is 49. It's really hard to deal with sometimes, but I'm glad she's still here to see and touch and talk to because I sure miss dad.

 

[CinderSchnauzer]

Depends on the care home, but in many cases they are better off than at home. They get healthy nutritious meals, assistance as needed 24/7, chance to visit with people their own age, often planned on site activities and if able to travel off site activities, assistance with meds.

 

[QRTRHRS]

Thanks to all who reposnded. Having no reason to keep her, the hospital had to discharged my mother this evening. My wife spent like the last five hours waiting through that. We meet with a nursing home rep on the 4th to see if they have a bed that matches my mothers needs. For now it will be back to visiting nurses which is kind of like grand central. But then my hat is off to these people to be able to deal with these issues.

 

[2manyrocks]

Was she tested for a uinary tract infection? This simple infection can cause some bizzare behavior, but is easily treated with antibiotics.

Dementia due to strokes or other causes--now that's a problem.

 

[dmccarty]

Having to deal with the older family members who can no longer take care of themselves is a real problem. My mother and her sisters have been taking care of my grandmother. Eventually grandma had to go to a home. When the time came she was willing to go and likes the place. Before my grandfather died he was in a home on and off because of health issues. The thugs working/living in that place where stealing the man's clothes. Unreal.

A neighbor of ours took care of his wife who had dementia for a good decade or more. You could see how the constant care he provided was wearing him down. Eventually she died and he was able to recover physically and mentally. He even remarried. His new wife had taken care of her husband through a long illness. Things went well for them for a few years and the neighbor had back surgery. Long story short he has been very, very sick with many long hospital and recovery stays. Eventually his new wife said bring him home and I will take care of him which she is doing. She bought a hospital bed, moved some things around in the house, and put him next to a big window so he can see out.

We are not sure what we will do with our parents. There are so many variables. My wife's grandmother is being cared for by my mother in law and her sisters. The sisters are all retired so they can spend the time taking care of their mother and since they all help with the care, they can go on vacations but it is still time consuming. Elder care is a problem and it is going to get worse as the nation ages over the next few decades. There are no easy solutions either.

Later,
Dan

 

[forgeblast]

I saw where there is a new program out there for people who are taking care of their parents. Its like a day care, so that when the children are working their parents are watched by a nursing staff. It was on NPR about a month ago and the people using it were speaking highly about the program.

 

[California]

Here's a series on Alzheimer's etc in the New York Times. I can't find the source now but I saw a different NYT article that said a caregiver of a parent on average gives up $300,000 in lifetime wages and lesser SS earned for themself, when they choose to become the 24/7 caregiver.

 

[J35]

I took care of my father for the last seven years of his life.

Sometimes I think back and wonder how I managed and stayed sane.

At the same time I have no regrets and am glad and proud that I was able to do it.

And yes, I would gladly do it all again.

stay safe--- j

 

[yelbike]

Here's a series on Alzheimer's etc in the New York Times. I can't find the source now but I saw a different NYT article that said a caregiver of a parent on average gives up $300,000 in lifetime wages and lesser SS earned for themself, when they choose to become the 24/7 caregiver.

Your decision can not and will not be purely financial.