Divorcing and then laid off

[Double Orange]

Double O -- there is a reason divorces are so expensive -- cause they are worth it

Amen Brother.

 

[Bird]

I know divorces are quite common now-a-days, and I think it's very unfortunate. When there are children, it's that much worse, but sometimes it may be better for the kids than having parents who hate each other stay together. It does always seem odd to me when people get a divorce after 20 years or more. The little house next door to us has been occupied by a young couple who have been good neighbors, but last year they had their second kid, so this year they bought a bigger house a few miles from here. The new neighbor is an 80 year old man who just got a divorce! I asked him how long they were married and he said, "Thirty-seven years, off and on." I didn't ask how old his wife (well, ex-wife) is.

 

[MossRoad]

You know there are plenty of good reasons to get divorced. Like your spouse beating you, cheating on you, not supporting you, mental illness, etc.... people can and do change. All people change over time. Sometimes they change slowly and a couple can grow together, get used to the slow changes and even enjoy the person their spouse has become over the years. Some times the spouses do not like the changes and become repulsed by them over time. That kind of slow building hatred... YIKES!!! scary stuff. And sometimes alcohol, drugs or other influences can change a person rapidly. So can mental illness.

You meet your spouse, you decide to get married, you give it your best shot and hopefully you grow together and live happily ever after.

 

[Taylortractornut]

My dads Uncle Pat got divorced after there 60th aniversary. Dad said it was 55 year over due. I thought for a time or two my wife and and I were about to. we ve been married ust over a year. An old fella that a friend of a friend has been married 4 times and never had an aniversary.
I ll put a prayer out for him. My mother and dad divorced when I was 24 and it almost killed me. Mom wanted to have friends over all the time and dad was getting older and not into entertaining then it got to where they grew apart. The only good thing was I got the place at a deal.
I have a friend thats a super hard worker. He wife left him and there child for a fella with a little money she wanted to live the high life With the man she wanted to be with. After the new was worn off she got thrown to the curb and wants to come crawling back He let her know where the road was

 

[JohnDeere4300]

I'll sure keep them in my Prayers!

 

[deere755]

I have been through a divorce about 15 years ago and now I maybe off work for 2 to 3 months, but I have learned in the last few weeks if you don't have your health all the rest is unimportant. I am not trying to say that what he is going through is not hard because it is but he still has his health. I will pray for him.

 

[Dano5509]

Sounds like he does everything she wants no matter what. That is likely the problem and why she told him he is not the man she wants. She is being honest and he needs to hear what she is saying. Being good-hearted is all fine and dandy unless you become a doormat in the process.

If he has been passive with her for 20 years, it is too late. Just seek 50/50 custody of his daughter, 2 yrs of child support max then start working on himself. I read a good book about being a chronic nice guy that really opened my eyes. Have him check it out here: No More Mr. Nice Guy

 

[riptides]

He's doing everything she asks, but she tells him, "It doesn't matter, you can never be the man I want you to be."

First thing that came to my mind was "That's right, I can be better than the man you want me to be."

BOTH parties have to WORK at it.

I hope it goes well, I hope he finds strength, no one person should take anyone down.

 

[QRTRHRS]

Brother-in-law's been married 20 yrs., has a daughter age 16. Wife tells him she wants a divorce. Goes to counseling, makes no difference. She is being influenced by a circle of friends also divorcing or already divorced. He's doing everything she asks, but she tells him, "It doesn't matter, you can never be the man I want you to be." Goes back and forth, still living together, sometimes she's cold to him, sometimes she's all hugs and kisses. He's already going to AA because she insisted. The rest of us didn't think he really had a drinking problem.
So last Friday he's told he's laid off for at least 2 months, maybe longer. The final divorce hearing is Nov. 1, so it all comes at once. We're praying like crazy for him, helping where we can. This is a good-hearted man, but he's wondering what else can happen next. Divorce is always selfish, you know? It always hurts everyone around.

IMHO, your friend needs to keep going to AA or Al-Anon which ever suits and work on getting himself on track. Sounds like the wife has made her choice, the daughter will soon be on her own and/or off to college. He needs to reach common ground with both and move on with his own life. Therapy costs money. Your friend will learn more by showing up early to make the coffee.

I went through it after twenty years myself. Came out of that with only my pension and my 401k, lost my 401k to Lucent Technologies before it became "fasionable", then got laid off after twenty years when my job went to Taiwon. All of that then I married a women with horses, lol!

 

[Kyle_in_Tex]

Been there done that. She prolly has eyes for someone else. Hurts a man's ego really bad. Fight for custody unless problems with alcohol that have reached the courts in the past. Daughter can choose which parent she wants to live with. Spend time looking for work and hanging with daughter. Go to church with daughter.

Economy is tough, too many jobs gone overseas. 1 is too many. Can't buy American hardly at all anymore.

Meet with your brother frequently for motivational/good stuff. Fishing, shooting, or whatever he likes to do. Don't let him sit inside and mope. Tell him to focus on daughter and doing the best he can to find another job to be able to support her.
Good luck and prayers....Kyle
Oh yea, almost forgot, GET HIM ON A TRACTOR WITH SOME GOOD OLD TRACTOR CHORES.