Divorcing and then laid off

[zzvyb6]

If you REALLY care about him, find him a Good Woman ASAP who appreciates what a man can do when motivated by acceptance. Lots of widows around my parts. He needs someone who's also been trashed once or twice and they will be magnets and steel. The future may bring the old lady back beggin' for forgiveness, but he needs to learn that this is a false healing. Scar tissue isn't strong. Keep the daughter, tell the court you need child support, a car for the kid, and $500 a month clothing allowance for her, too. The new boyfriend will be temporary, also. Get a restraining order on her, too just to stir up the adrenaline. You being the BIL doesn't seem to be healthy either. The ex wife will badger you on "how's he doin'?" For Heaven's sake, don't let her live in you house. Take her things and park them at the roadside. Call the sheriff if she shows up. Better deal if you can find the boyfriend. Take all her stuff over to his place and let HIS wife pick through it.

 

[Bird]

I can't say whether any of the posts in this thread are right or wrong, but I'd sure be careful about giving legal advice on a discussion board, especially when you haven't heard both sides of a case.

 

[tugboat-2]

BIRD : Once again, very sound advice. You have obviously seen both sides of many a "domestic"! Not often many "right OR wrong" on those sticky issues, so I back you up on "being very careful giving legal advice!"

I will add that my Lady and I have just (July) celebrated our fifty-first (51st) and I will say, we experienced most of the rough issues that marriage often does bring to bear,...and we came out the other side with the scars, marks, candies and flowers that help to smooth things over.

However, when the candy is gone and the flowers have withered,..."often" the issues remain and if you fail to adequately deal with them "once and for all", you will continue to deal with them,...not fun!

We found, (at least my Lady "taught" me) that you must sit down "calmly" and share the candy while smelling the flowers,... and "discuss" the issue, even if you must agree to disagree,...but you must deal with it so that you can take the next step to wit: putting that issue "behind" you both,..NEVER to be brought up or mentioned again,...EVER! ......PERIOD!!!

As difficult as it can be sometimes, she taught me to end the day on a smile and wake up next morning with a new smile on a new day with "yesterdays" problems forgotten. (Do you know how wondrous that can be?!!)

Yes we had problems but the years and the kids (and grandkids) helped sort 'em out so that we enjoy each other more than ever now. I can honestly say that that "one" rule about leaving yesterdays issues there, starting the new day fresh and just smile and keep walking,....has brought us to a pretty happy place!! Amen and Amen

CHEERS!.....and good luck to all who try, (Jesus sure helped us!!)
. . tug

 

[2manyrocks]

We knew a couple back in July that were about to divorce. The husband came under conviction, was baptized a week or so ago and the marriage is on. It was a dramatic turn around. Prayer made a difference.

 

[CurlyDave]

Encourage him to keep going to AA.

21 years ago my boss told me that my job depended on me going to AA, which I did not want to do.

Within a year I had gained an enormous amount of strength and wisdom and I will be grateful to him until my dying day.

He can start going for a lot of reasons, and a wife's or ex-wife's insistence is a common one. If at some point he keeps going because he wants to, he will come through his problems.

Ask him to PM me if he wants some encouragement in this area.

 

[ScottOkla]

For what it's worth, my opinion is that if you make a promise, you keep that promise. You can't make the other person keep his/her promise, but you can live up to your end. If both people do this, things will work out. Unfortunatley, most people these days are not people of their word, and we see the results all around us. It is pretty frightening where we are as a society today.

I hope things work out for him.

 

[dirt ditch]

Unhappy divorced women, for which there is a better term, and, being unable to use several better terms on a family forum, "boyfriends" are tough hurdles for a married man to over come. All a guy can do is give it his best. If that is not enough, cut bait and let the sharks feed, then go find someone better.

 

[Lacal]

I hate to bring it up, but could the wife be entering the change? The wanting a divorce one day and affectionate the next sounds like something I went through when my wife reached that point in her life. I try not to give advice, but unless the wife has another person in her life then there has to be other issues going on and would be a shame to see 20 years thrown away expecially with a 16 year old involved.

My prayers are with them.

 

[wjoerob]

Thanks for all the input, guys. A wide mix of experience and opinions, that's what we usually find on these forums. A couple more tidbits of info: he is my BIL, my wife is his twin sister. I'm an only child, parents married 51 yrs., and both sets of grandparents married over 50 yrs. So I have kind of a built-in outlook on this thing, too. We've been married 32 yrs.
Also, BIL's wife is diabetic, injects insulin, but hasn't been checking her levels for over a year. I'm pretty sure that accounts for a good part of the mood swings. Even the daughter says, "Mom's been acting weird for 2 years." She's in a good job, over 30 yrs. and could retire any time. His lawyer has told him they should ask for half of her retirement. (He doesn't have any) Even if they don't get it, it may help out on other things.
AA does help him out. He belongs to our church, but doesn't get much out of it, he says. (Where are all the "guy" churches?) He's been doing some odd jobs, we encouraged him to do what it takes to keep busy.

 

[2manyrocks]

In the situation I mentioned, the husband and wife had been attending a church whose pastor had a good reputation. Then the family got upset over some issue and changed churches. Something in the the new church got the attention of the husband because he changed his behavior.

The wife was ready to throw in the towel and then her Father advised her not to give up yet. That was three months ago and now things are vastly improved.