exchange students

[GaryS]

My wife works in the ER of a local hospital and has a crazy schedule. For many years we had au pairs from all over Europe, Africa, Central, and South America. People are the same everywhere. Some were simply fantastic and we were lucky to have met them. Others were clueless and immature.

One of my favorite lines came from a brazilian au pair who wasn't working out. She was 26yo and explained that she "didn't realize how far away Pittsburgh was from Brazil". I know Americans are allways being knocked for our lack of geography knowledge - but I can certainly tell the northern hemisphere from the southern and that Brazil *is* far from PA.

We've given up on au pairs. Our last three were supreme losers and we have now swapped schedules to eliminate the need (and the headaches).

 

[Sackett2]

We hosted a Swiss student in 1980-1981. Martin continues to be a member of our family to this day. I spent 2.5 years in Germany, and a few Christmases with his family, my parents went to Switzerland and his came over here. He married an American girl and exported her over to Europe; my brother Rick spent a lot of time with them during his 14 years in Germany.
Of the other 4 students that were here during that year, none of them have contact with the exchange families (that I am aware of).
Several years later American Field Service (AFS) called my mother asking if they would host a kid that was having difficulties. He lasted 2 weeks. Also from a rich family, expected maid service- rude etc.
I think AFS and Youth For Understanding (YFU) and others that have limits on money allowed (Martin was allowed 20 dollars a month for spending by AFS rules) helps. Its about learning other cultures, not supporting the host countrys economy.

 

[GaryS]

We had some fantastic experiences with folks too. We've kept in touch with the gals that spent a year with us. We were invited to a wedding in Durban S. Africa last year but couldn't swing it due to the cost.

Our first three au pairs where fantastic. They came from England, Sweden, and Finland. After that, we seemed to hit a rough stretch. One gal decided on the plane to NY that she was going home. She flew in from Australia and the return flight was on her dime.

For us, it was really hard when things didn't work. Te au pair program is in place to help with child care. They do become part of the family and the kids were upset when the gal would bolt after 24hours in the house.

Folks went into the program for one of two reasons: 1) to learn about another culture, learn English, and expand experience with child care, or 2) to see the world/party before they settle into University years. We did all we could to avoid folks in the second category - "will I have access to a car of my own?"

Some got homesick which is really understandable. I could not imagine going to a distant country and live with a family. Language was often a real problem.

Others were just clueless. I have stories that you would not believe. One gal got really pissed when I made her turn off the cd player - she was playing her "The Bloodhound Gang" cds which are full of **** references and other rauchy stuff. She did not last very long.

 

[skipro3]

We hosted for 2 years; a girl from Japan and another from the island of Reunion, off Madagascar. They were both great, but the Japanese girl was a crack up!

First day, we sit down to dinner, my wife just a talkin' away and the girl just a noddin' in agreement. Then, after dinner my wife explained that we usually go for a walk to watch the sunset. (We have dinner every night timed to view the sunset after.) The girl just sat there. It became obvious that she hadn't understood a word my wife had said!! Ha!! I about fell on the floor. Perfect combo of my wife and this girl. By the end of her visit, she was refusing to leave to go back to Japan. Girls aren't treated well over there compared to girls here in the USA it seems.

Second girl was super model beautiful and spoke French since Reunion was a French settlement. I figured her to be a premadonna. Far from it; on hog slaughter day, she quickly grabbed a bucket and caught the blood after slitting pig #1's throat when she saw we would just let it drain on the ground. She made some blood sausage from it. Also we learned there are many parts to a hog that make for tasty treats if you know what to do with them and she did. She saw snow for the first time in her life at our house and really enjoyed that.

Both girls were extremely open to new experiances and that is paramount to a successful relationship with a student visitor.

 

[WTA]

Well, the one that is causing most of the problems here is leaving today. I just had to tell the organization rep how it was going to be. I think the other one will fall into line once this one is gone.

I've been trying to explain to this kid that my wife and I have both been in his shoes before and that we'll do all we can to help but there are limits. This is the kid on the US government scholarship. Uncle Sam is paying his way. He's been doing way too much to get under my skin and everyone else in the house lately.
He got off the plane acting homesick and we later found out that his father had just died about a month before he left. I think he should have stayed home given the situation but he made the choice to come here and didn't even try to fit in or deal with things. We can only do so much to help him.

Anyway, my wife and I both left home for college when we were 15. She went to College and I worked for a year then went in the Navy. she has a lot of nice degrees on the wall including a PHD so it was worth it. I turned 17 in Bootcamp. That's why I say to these kids that we can relate about homesickness and all. It was no fun at all being the youngest guy at great lakes NTC for 6 months or being the youngest guy on the carrier I went to after that.

Anyway, we still keep in touch with our German kid from last year too. We're planning a trip to the Med and around to the North Sea and Baltic sea in a few years. Hopefully by the time he graduates college. I just have to find a good boat to get us there first. There are people all over the world I want to look up again. We might even have an excuse to go to Vietnam. I've been there once but not under ideal conditions. My ship got tore up in a storm and we pulled into some port there for repairs for a day. I think the people are more friendly now.

 

[63DH8]

My younger daughter is in Japan doing overseas studies. She left last Aug. She called last month to complain that, on top of being homesick and starting her time of month, her host family won't let her cook, clean, wash clothes, or pull weeds. Earlier this month, she called to tell me her host mom got hit by a bus, so she got up earlier than usual to make breakfast for her host family. Fortunately, my daughter knows how to make traditional Japanese meals. She had everything ready for her host family when they came down for breakfast. They raved about how good the meal was and told my daughter that she should open a restaurant near the school. The kid is happier now that she is helping, but isn't looking forward to when her host mother is well enough to take care of the house again. The kid enjoys helping others. I wish she would help around here more often!

 

[rox]

WTA- Well you know the old saying, you actually learn more from your failures than your successes. The one who left was the kids from Viet Namen or the Soviet one? That kid well actually both of them will learn form thier mistakes, might not be today but one day they will look back and realize what a *** they were. One problem might have been that you got 2 of them instead of one. The most likely banded together and spent hours between the two of them feeding off each other how rotten it you folks were. If you just had one or the other the outcome might have been different. I bet your son was glad when he left. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps let the kids make their own choices, such as in -which chore would you like? You can either feed the chickens or the goats. Other than farmers around the world I have not found another culture that gets up as early as Americans and starts working early like we do. That is a cultural shift and a behaviour such as sleeping later is something that people are accustomed to for thier whole life so that is not as easy to change quickly you might try to be a bit more understanding of the difficulty it takes for that transformation to take place. Not saying the kids are right by any means just saying to understand that is a hard thing for them to do, it's not easy. I give props to you, your wife and son for opening your home adn being so generous, my hats off to you.

 

[mjarrels]

We use to get Fresh Air students from New York City when I was a kid (45 years ago). She was alway Black (can I say that) Nice as can be but no clue about farm life... She came year after year and would set on the farmall tractor tire and say lets go! But, I have no idea how to live in NYC in a high rise apartment! She would probably say "hit the deck" when shopping at the local store when gunfire was heard! Here, a nother groundhog bit the dust! 21 years of Naval Service, cultures ARE different and I enjoyed them all!

mark

 

[AlanB]

Yeah, we have been to that rodeo on several fronts, and as others have said, you get a wide range, and the ones we had problems with were much like the ones you are experiencing now.

Their families were rich, and had paid a bunch to send their kids over, and thought they were coming too the spa to be catered too. At one point the spanish kid we had looks at me and said with all the money I was being paid, he should not have to do anything to help around the house (I think it was clearing the dinner table I had asked for help with)

I don't think it is all thier fault, but somehow the word does not always communicate that the host family is not getting the $ that the students family provides.

My wife was an au-pair, and it worked out well for the host family and for her, but I think everyone had open eyes.

My daughter was the exchange student (but with our family in Germany) and that led to several funny (and some not so funny) things coming up. My American daughter, being taught English, in Germany, by a Russian who spoke German and English poorly comes to mind.

Just depends on who you get and how it works.

Our house has hosted a lot of freinds, and family over the years wanting to learn about the US for a month or two, and all in all it has worked out well.

I would not evaluate a country though by one or two folks from there. As someone else said, through those services, I don't think you are getting a true representation of the folks there.

Hope it works out better now with your other student.

 

[63DH8]

I got an email last night from the student exchange outfit that daughter went over to Japan with. They're asking if I mind if my daughter did a few speeches for them in Japan to inform their students about the exchange program. They also want to know if I mind if she works for them over here in the US getting student ready to go to school in Japan. They said my girl adapted herself well and is getting outstanding reports from her host families. I'm not sure how a 5 foot 8 inch blond girl who has 52 inch shoulders adapts to a Japanese society. The girl looks more at home throwing bales of hay and sitting on the back of a horse than eating sushi!