<font color=blue>Did you loose your composure when they asked if they could call you mom and dad? </font color=blue>
It's funny.. in the context of what was happening, like decorating their rooms, and so on, it was something we half expected. The social services people had told us we would get questions like this, and it was best, since we don't really know for sure yet what the outcome will be, to just keep such things in a low-key mode. For example, the mother is living with the daughters biological father, who, as it turns out, is a pedophile. She says she'll leave him if she gets her kids back. Social services says no way babe.. the kids don't go near that guy. Make your choice. She seems unable to do so. But who knows what might happen in the future? We told the kids that we would love it if they could live with us, and that, yes, they could call us mommy and daddy if that felt comfortable to them. We also fell back on our social services training and told them it was all up to the case manager. I'm almost certain we'll get the kids, but "almost" doesn't cut it when you're making a promise to a child.
<font color=blue>Can you provide more specifics on the Foster program? I know it will differ by state but I'm sure the programs are similar.</font color=blue>
We went through 10 weeks (once a week, 4-5 hours) of training for this.. with another group of prospective foster parents. They do criminal background checks, ask for references, have you fill out a zillion forms, have fingerprints taken, and on and on. It was tedious, to say the least. But they have to do it.. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Then, they come and do a house inspection, and let you know what needs to be changed. For example, we needed to add fire emergency exit instruction signs, and over the bathroom door, where the child could conceivable become locked in, there has to be a tool hanging which unlocks the door. Each child needs X amount of space, plus room for storing clothing, etc. Of course separate bedrooms, unless they are the same sex.
Once all of this is done, then when Child Protective Services is forced to yank a kid from his/her home, you are on the list of possible placements. It could be for a week, or forever. In our case, they knew that Viviane's children were grown and living on their own, and that she works at home, so they thought these kids would be ideal for us. We could give them lots of nurturing because there aren't any other kids.. and Viviane would be home when they left for school and when they returned. I think they also realized these are special kids, without a lot of developmental disablilties, without a lot of obvious emotional trauma, and that they would be "easy" first kids for us, relatively speaking. They may become our only kids if we adopt, or we may continue to take in kids on an emergency basis (although we would need to build an addition to the house if we did this while keeping the first kids.)
They have a basic rule of thumb.. the biological parents are given a year to clean up their act, while the kids are in foster homes. If they show any signs of getting it together, then the year is extended. If not, then the kids are up for adoption. Our case manager told us in confidence that this particular mother was unlikely to clean up her act.. they had been working with her for years. So probably we will have adoption rights if the initial foster placement works out well. They asked if we would allow the mother visitation rights, and we said of course. The case manager said the mother is likeable and a nice person, just weak.. needy.. keeps this pedophile guy in her life because she feels she can't cope without someone to lean on. She said we would like the woman, and probably feel sorry for her. Who knows how this will turn out. Maybe the mother will get her act together, and we'll just stay good friends with the kids. When you get into the foster care thing, you have to be open to whatever outcome occurs. It can be very hard, once you become attached and bond with the kids. All I can say is, we'll see what happens and pray that whatever happens is for the best of all concerned.
There is a complicated process to get through, but the social services people really work hard to help us get through it.. and they seem like good, if overworked, people.
I'll keep you posted, if you wish. If people would prefer, we could go off-list with this.. since it goes way beyond "off-topic". /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif
