There are so many subjects that stir the conflicts and joy associated with Sandy.* I let those emotions run wild with her, and I rode them wherever they took me.* So much joy and so much sadness wrapped up together. It's all worth exploring and experiencing, as far as I'm concerned, for this is a once in a lifetime experience, and yet, it's all right there in so many of our back yards.* Sadness that the full potential of that relationship will never be realized.* But acceptance that she is where she must be and that she is happy, secure and healthy.* She is MUCH better off where she is than with us.* Whatever she has cannot be compared, by her, to what it could have been.* She has what she has and she responds to her situation in her way.* She is stable, has a loving mate and her needs are met.* So she is fine, and in some ways, much better off than in the wild.*Her very nature is to be adaptable and durable. I know that her joy at seeing us again should not bring sadness as she was very happy and excited, but*I wish we could continue the play and the learning and the whole experience.* That's where the story is.* The story of who she is and who coyotes are in general.* The story of wild vs tame and the intelligence to cross boundaries, scheme, have fun and experience vulnerability and joy.* She is remarkably similar to us. Since coyotes are social animals with a family structure that includes caring for young and long term relationships, they have some inherent need for habit, stability and love, I guess.* She is a tricky game player, a schemer, an evaluator of emotion from others.* She works with others to achieve goals.* Sounds like human behaviors, doesn't it?* Her mystery in coming in from the wild and offering us a window to that world, her ability to live with us as we got acquainted and her displayed vulnerability, comedy and intelligence all gave an opportunity that I was ready to explore.* My curiosity not only drove me to learn more, but matched hers in her tricky ways to study us and fit into our world. * She adjusted based on her bonding and need to fit a family structure.* Bei Bei was right there to dominate and guide her as needed.* Sandy fit in and at the same time played and schemed.* It shows a secure nature free to express herself and confidence while she adjusted to our world. * Pretty complex for an animal so misunderstood and generally feared and hated.
The unexpected wild behavior that might surface if triggered over food, mating or survival is something we all wonder about and, I think, makes us hold back a bit on unconditional trust.* Not that we've seen the signs of that dangerous switch, but we just know she has the ability to be a serious hunter.* And some wariness comes from the surprise of seeing so much gentle and thoughtful behavior.* So much displayed vulnerability and trust.* Can this be real?* When will the other shoe drop?* She's a wild mindless killer!* The conflict in us is the problem, not in her.* Maybe she will revert to a true nature at some point, whatever that means, and if so, it will be another interesting chapter in her story.* And of course, we already have excellent relationships with her close cousins, the domestic dog, so we can easily understand so much about her.* I don't want to predict too much about her behavior, but so far it's all been much better than I expected.* So much so that I consider her a lifelong friend that I will always help and I'm extremely grateful for what she has given me.* Meanwhile, she is simply being herself.
As time goes by, I know she will never live with me again, but she is still alive and doing fine. Still joyous at getting together. Still a thriving fun friend. Still holding great promise and stirring my imagination. At some point though, the potential for more interaction will come to a close. She'll be a memory of someone that held unrealized potential. In the end, what she ended up with, was a poor substitute for what it should have been.
I often see myself, years down the road, visiting her and handing her treats through the fence.* Two old pals passing the time.* Ill be wishing we could simply go for a walk or sit on the porch where I could scratch her tummy as she looks up through those yellow eyes and schemes about running off with something in a game of keep away. A playful wariness from her, judging my response. Me feigning disinterest to even the game. We both know better and love the interaction.
I think again of my neighbors father who had a coyote as a kid. Now, some 80 years later, he still won't talk about it. I guess that dog got to him too.
Here's a few pix. More to come.
Tom and Cathy
