?????? GROAN 2

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   / ?????? GROAN 2 #163  

A man was going ice fishing.​

He goes out onto the ice, cuts open a hold, and lowers his bait into the hole. 45 minutes pass, and the man has not gotten a nibble. A younger man walks out onto the ice, drills a hole right next to him, lowers his bait, and within a few minutes has hooked a largemouth bass.

The first man is astounded, as he watches the younger man catch fish after fish after fish. He decides to ask him about it.

“Son, I’ve been here for a while now, and I still haven’t gotten a nibble, yet you’ve only been here for 20 minutes, and you’ve already caught a dozen fish. What’s your secret?”

The younger man mumbles something unintelligible, prompting the first man to ask him to say it again.

The younger man talks louder, but his words still can not be made out.

The older man once again says that he can not understand, so the younger man spits out the worms he had in his mouth, and says, now clear as day, “You have to keep the bait warm.”
 
   / ?????? GROAN 2
  • Thread Starter
#164  
Groan m.jpg
 
   / ?????? GROAN 2 #167  
The love story of Ralph and Edna...
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
 
   / ?????? GROAN 2 #168  
Pixguy said:
A day in a computer help desk worker.





Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?


Customer: A white one...

******

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ."

Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's still on my desk... Sorry...

******

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

******

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill

Gates!

******

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...

******

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah.................. Thank you.

******

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

******

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: Okay.

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another

keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah.. that one does work!

******

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

******

A customer couldn't get on the Internet:

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

*****

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

******

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

*******

And the winner is...

Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get

the circle around it?
Click to expand...
joke

a pilot is lost in the fog and sees a sky scrapper sticking out so he flys around and around until someone opens a window.

the pilot shouts.....where am i?

the person from the window shouts...you are in an airplane.

at that point he knew he was in seattle circling the offices of the microsoft help desk
 
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