?????? GROAN 2

[i7win7]

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys.

There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.

Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, "So, how was I?"

She says, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

 

[Pixguy]

Female Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! ?Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

Amen
***********************************************************************************
Male Prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shoot.

Amen

 

[Xfaxman]

 

[i7win7]

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

 

[Xfaxman]

 

[sea2summit]

 

[Pixguy]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a

good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater

seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills

first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me

a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the

church, I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel

choir. We are packed to the balcony!!"

Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you

are open to the new ideas of youth."

"However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far

with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the

donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, "Toot 'n Tell or Go To

Hell,"

just can't stay on the church roof!"

 

[Xfaxman]

 

[Pixguy]

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and
sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his
wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"

 

[Pixguy]

A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real
money." "How much money?" inquires the man.
4 cents," the bartender replied."Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender! replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."