?????? GROAN 2

[i7win7]

Must be a Texan

 

[i7win7]

 

[Pixguy]

Office sign:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

 

[Pixguy]

Newspaper headline

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant



See if that works better than a fair trial!

 

[Peace]

 

[Xfaxman]

 

[Frankenkubota]

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'
The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'
Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 6 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'
The blonde replied, 'I saw it too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'
Bob took the money......

I once lost a drunken bet on a packer game that was being rebroadcast.

 

[jerrybob]

A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge, only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic smirk and asked: "What's your hurry?"​

She Replied; "I'm Late For Work!"

"Oh Yeah?", Said The Cop, "What Do You Do?"

"I'm A Rectum Stretcher," She Responded
The Cop Stammered, "A-What...?"

"A Rectum Stretcher!"

"And Just What Does A Rectum Stretcher Do?"

"Well," She Said, "I Start By Inserting One Finger In The Rectum, Then Work My Way Up To Two Fingers, Then Three, Then Four. Then With My Whole Hand In I Work From Side To Side Until I Can Get Both Hands In, Then I Slowly But Surely Stretch It, Until It's About 6 Feet Wide."

"And Just What The heck Do You Do With A 6 Foot butthole?" The Cop Asked

"You Give Him A Radar Gun And Park Him Behind A Bridge"

 

[Dftodd]

 

[Pixguy]

A frail old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club, and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.

She proclaimed proudly, “I want to join your biker club!”

The man was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, “You have a bike?”

The little old lady said, “Yeah, that's my Harley over there.” Sure enough there it was, a Harley parked in the driveway.

The biker then asked her, “Do you smoke?”

The little old lady replied, “Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool.”

Impressed, the biker then asked, “Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

The little old lady said, “No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my ni**les a few times.”