Intelligence

Scott_in_WVA · Aug 14, 2002

TODAY’S JOKE – Intelligence
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Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.

One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a
ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss.

"Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the
shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree
and

I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can."

The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss'
hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree.

The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked,
"What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of
intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said,
Take your shovel and hit my hand."

Mrwurm · Aug 14, 2002

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Golfgar4 · Aug 14, 2002

I guess this one would fall under the category of "Intelligence" also.

Bob and Joe were sitting in Bob's pick-up truck.

BOB: You know, Joe. We should go back to school and get our GED's. We can't just keep sitting around all day and doing nothing.

JOE: O.K. How do we do that?

BOB: We'll go down to the High School and ask the Principal what we need to do.

So Bob and Joe drove over to the High School. Bob went in to talk with the Principal while Joe waited in the pick-up truck.

PRINCIPAL: Well Bob. I'm glad to hear that you and Joe want to get your GED's. I checked your records, and both of you need 9 more credits. 3 credits in English, 3 credits in Math, and 3 credits in Logic.

BOB: Logic? I've never heard of that.

PRINCIPAL: Well, let me explain it to you in terms that you'd understand. You own a lawn mower, right?

BOB: Yup.

PRINCIPAL: Well, if you own a lawn mower, then logically, you have a lawn, right?

BOB: Yup.

PRINCIPAL: Well, if you have a lawn, then logically, you have a house, right?

BOB: Well, yeah.

PRINCIPAL: Well, if you have a house, then logically you probably have a wife, right?

BOB: Yeah, that's right.

PRINCIPAL: Well, if you have a wife, then logically, you're heterosexual, right?

BOB: Yeah! Oh, I see! I get it now! Thanks.

So Bob goes back out to the truck to tell Joe what he learned.

BOB: So the Principal said we each need 9 credits to get our GED's. 3 credits of English, 3 credits of Math, and 3 credits of Logic.

JOE: What's Logic?

BOB: Well, let me explain it to you in terms that you'd understand. You own a lawn mower, right?

JOE: Uh, no.

BOB: Oh. Well then, you're a homosexual!

Mrwurm · Aug 14, 2002

Ahh, partial conversion of a logical fallacy.

I get it !

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Bird · Aug 14, 2002

As long as we're telling jokes:

Attorney's

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you're a cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"