it's official

[wroughtn_harv]

Re: it\'s official

I'm a big fan of marriage.

Very few things can give you the security and sense of being that you can get knowing that the person who knows you better than you know yourself, loves you.

I see two problems with marriage as we know it.

1. We go into it backwards most of the time. We go in looking for someone who will love us instead of going in wanting someone we can love. There's a big difference in the perspectives there.

2. It's too easy to get out of it. I'm not talking about the legal part so much as the attitude, "if it doesn't work with this one I'll change, no big deal."

In some of the world's older societies they understand that we go into marriage usually for all the wrong reasons. So the parents or elders make the decision on who marries whom.

And that makes some sense. Look at the guy who marries the gal because she's sexy and then complains when everytime he looks up there's some dude hanging out like a dog in heat nearby. Or the woman who marries the fella that's dependable. Then she complains to high heaven when he's not spontaneous. Or she marries the spontaneous one and screams to no end about his not being predictable or dependable.

How about the guy who marries the beautiful gal and then complains that all she does is think about how she looks? Or the woman who marries the take charge guy and then regrets not having a say in what happens in the marriage?

Sometimes I see it like fishing of sorts. You see the guy who flaunts his wealth to get attention and then complaining to high heck about not finding anything but gold diggers interested in him. Or the woman who accentuates her body and then cries about not being appreciated for her mind. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

There is a direct correlation between the bait and the catch.

 

[riptides]

Re: it\'s official

Interesting points and post.

</font><font color="blue" class="small">( If we aren't going to take the institution of marriage seriously and give up every time something doesn't go the right way, we might as well abolish marriage completely from human society. It takes work, each and every day from husband AND wife. If BOTH sides aren't going to make a commitment for that kind of daily maintenance of their marriage, then they probably shouldn't stand in front of family and friends and make that promise in the first place. )</font>

Time changes everything. Given enough time, water will wear through rock. Your philosophical thought for this moment.

What I am getting at, is people and circumstances change. For better and worse. Whoops. Better not go there...

I think people need to spend a little more time in the selection process, days, months, even years, before commitment.

nuff said.
-Mike Z. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Freds]

Re: it\'s official

Just speaking for myself, as I was one who offered congratulations, I didn't offer it due to a failed marriage but rather the positive outlook ("I'm free...") that Junk portrayed.
I've seen a few of my friends turn into miserable human beings after going through a divorce and wallowing around wondering what went wrong. A positive outlook makes any bad situation better and any good situation.... well, it makes that better, too. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

BTW, did anyone ever tell you you look like Grampa Walton? /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

 

[daedong]

Re: it\'s official

Harv,

Some people probably spend more time researching what is the best tractor to buy than deciding on their partner for life.

 

[Indydirtfarmer]

Re: it\'s official

</font><font color="blue" class="small">( Harv,

Some people probably spend more time researching what is the best tractor to buy than deciding on their partner for life. )</font>

Some people have more intent to KEEP their tractor than their mate for life....... /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Bill, Happily married for 28 years, 6 months, 3 days, 2 hours and 30 minutes.... (but who's counting.....) /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[GerardC]

Re: it\'s official

...." 'til death do you part". We live by these words.

 

[AndyM]

Re: it\'s official

<font color="blue"> What I am getting at, is people and circumstances change. For better and worse. Whoops. Better not go there... </font>

Exactly! People and circumstances change. That's why BOTH sides work together to make it through and adapt to these changes. One person can't make the marriage work-- it's a joint effort to get through the "better or worse" parts. Lately, there's been more worse than better, but we're in it for the long haul!

<font color="blue"> I think people need to spend a little more time in the selection process, days, months, even years, before commitment. </font>

See above-- I knew I was going to marry my wife the night I met her. We were engaged three months after we met. Has it always been easy? Absolutely not! Are we commited to try our hardest to make it work? Most certainly! If I just wanted a way out every time she didn't put the cap on the toothpaste, I wouldn't have married her in the first place!

 

[AndyM]

Re: it\'s official

<font color="blue"> BTW, did anyone ever tell you you look like Grampa Walton? </font>

That was yesterday... today I look like Commissioner Gordon. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[DannyD]

Re: it\'s official

I'll bite. First marriage was to a gal I went to high school with, way AFTER high school was the marriage, We were both 29. We lasted a year in the same house, 3 years married. Amicable divorce though, friends now. Her oriental adopted kids have sat in my lap at family stuff. (my bro married her best friend). I have met her new hubby #4, nice guy, he likes the dog leash around his neck.

Second time around. Set back, or buckle in, you are going to laugh at me..........singles add dating, worked for us. Back before the internet had yahoo, papers had 'singles adds", met her thru hers, stopped mine the next day, knew it was for real. We dated a month, got engaged, married 5 months later. No kids between us, but she had 2, 7 and 10, and no "father" to be a pain in the butt. No child support, and no contact.

Talk about what has went wrong, everything, but we stuck together thru it all. We endured the worse ever for parents, death of a child. Our youngest died Jan 13, 1999 in her bed. While this either brings couples closer or breaks them up, we stuck together, and we still are 12 years total. We have had feast and famine, good and bad, laughter and crying, but we always knew we had each other. We both believe the Good Lord brought us together, and we trust in Him totally.

The only means for us to not be together till death would be infidelity. We have one thing alot of people dont have, total trust, without doubt, without waivering. I work in an industry that puts me in touch with lots of ladies, I never have to answer any questions, that is trust.

 

[HomeBrew2]

Re: it\'s official

Mike, geez, you make losing your sanity sound like a BAD thing ... losing my sanity after divorce (and a couple other things) is what I consider my reward for enduring them ... I guess it's a perspective thing or sumpthin /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
Cheers!