loaning family money

[Ken]

Not a Dave Ramsey groupie but I agree with him on this...Give them the money and forget about it if you can...Thanksgiving dinner never tastes the same when there is a financial issue stewing.

If you're just helping continue an on-going problem, just let them know you aren't in a financial position to help at this point...

Never had to do this with family, but it did happen with a friend years ago and it was difficult to say no. But I did.

Now former son in law. Listened to Dave Ramsey went to the seminars purchased the books and talked to every one about the program. Then planned to start a business and asked if would give him a loan to get started. payment plan and bunch of promises. then Chapter 7 and Judge says he is a good boy and don't need to repay the money. Dave went bankrupt also but repaid.
ken

 

[Terry1040]

Don't loan the money. Buy the pistol for $200 and tell him he can buy it back for $200 when he can afford it.

Bruce

Bruce - I think this is a GREAT suggestion ! It eliminates the Loaning of $. Let him know that you are not able to LOAN him money now or in the future, but you are happy to help out in this way !

 

[Rdr202]

I only loan money I had no intention of ever getting back.
Money between friends or families only causes those folks to suffer from amnesia.
Give them the money as a loan but treat it as a gift that way you will not beat yourself up when they don't pay.

 

[Texas Dawg]

Seldom do I ever follow a thread on this site where there has been such agreement. I think EVERYONE (or so it seems) sees any "loan" of money to a friend for family member a losing proposition. Who says you can't get a bunch of people to agree on something?

 

[Oldpath05]

My 25 year old brother in law called my wife today and said his water is turned off. His girlfriend and her young son live with him. It's $200, which too me, is not something I'm willing to loose or have in the wind for weeks and months. He says he gets paid in two weeks, and so does his girlfriend. I know for a fact, he has not paid his mom and his uncle back in the past. I'm thinking of telling him that he has to give me his pistol (only about $150-180 value) until he repays. How do yall feel about keeping collateral on family. I know it seems crappy, but I can't afford to not get the money back,

Hey uncle Paul, my snow shovel is broken, I need $40,000.00 to replace it, thanks...........

 

[Walker1]

I was giving my SIL a couple hundred a month for about a year as she got divorced, changed jobs, etc. My wife wanted to loan her the money, and I opted just to give it, less tension that way.
Several years pass after she got back on her feet and she decides she wants to pay it back, so she calls me up an contracts me to make her a security door in order for her to pay me back.??? I told her it was a gift and she didn't have to pay it back. I ended up, stupidly agreeing to make the door. She has since moved, and now wants a new door for her new house, I haven't answered the phone messages!

It's your brother. If you are going to give him the money, then just do it, if he decides to pay you back then great, if not, then it was a gift and you are not out anything.

 

[k0ua]

So how much interest do you want to close out your loan on that RedHawk

Well, I would need quite a bit Rick. I consider that Red Hawk mine now. You would probably have more use for it up in bear country than I do. The wife and I used to shoot it quite a bit at metallic silhouette, but I haven't fired a round thru in now if a few years.

 

[s219]

It's a funny situation. I wouldn't hesitate to offer money to certain family members if they got in trouble, but these are the folks who have their life in good order and wouldn't ever ask for money. But we have a couple other family members who are constantly in dire straights due to poor decisions and laziness. They have asked for money a couple times. I flat out told them no way -- I work two jobs so that my family can be secure and have a good life. These other folks weren't even actively looking for employment!

 

[jerrybob]

I feel a bit silly to report back, I'm going out on a limb for him this once. I'm getting the gun, and my wife made payment to the utility, didn't give him cash or anything. There's a pretty good chance I'll regret it later, but I figure I'll give him a chance. If I don't get 100% of the money within two weeks, I'll let his butt starve next time. Maybe I can beat some sense into him, he needs it, and his 20 year old girl friend.

Worst case, I keep or sell the gun, but I don't really want it, wife's got the same identical pistol already

I'm probably a sucker but

I keep thinking me and wife need to sit the two of them down, and try to explain how money works, it doesn't expire at the end of the week.

Edit: I guess the reaction convinced me, I expected a story about "you can trust me", and he really said that's fine, I'll have your money in two weeks. So, hopefully

Well.......if he doesn't pay you back on time......you could always fire a warning shot over his head with his/your gun!

 

[Dutch445]

That's something I think about often, now.... why do people think they should get high pay for no skill?

When I got out of high school, I started working full time at the airport pumping gas into airplanes. I worked two 10-hour shifts and two 8-hour shifts, for 36 hours a week (considered full-time back then). I had health insurance through that job. I was going to college full-time (12 credit hours per semester). I had a 2nd part-time job driving military trucks out of AM General onto rail spurs around northern Indiana. I had a 3rd job in summers as a lifeguard on a man-made whitewater course a couple evenings per week and some weekends. And I was dating my future wife. And I was eating a lot of pizza, partying fairly hard, and drinking fairly heavily as well. I was living at home with my parents, was dead-dog tired.... and I was having the time of my life.

My folks gave me and my siblings the same offer; live at home for free room and board IF you are going to school full-time, OR, pay rent to your parents, OR move out and good luck. So, I fulfilled the full-time college stipulation, got free food and a bed, payed my way through college, got out debt free, got engaged and put a down-payment on a house the year after I graduated. The last year at home I traded a LOT of labor for room and board to my folks. My wife had pretty much the same deal from her folks and took advantage of it. We both took advantage of our schooling and got OK jobs making OK wages. We lived well below our means with a backup plan of being able to make payments working minimum wage jobs. 30 years later, the plan worked out well so far.

Had we not had supportive parents, we would have been in a much different position. We now have children. We support them pretty much the same way our folks supported us. They will be fine.

I wonder, though, how a young guy (or gal) with no family support available can make it these days? Especially if, when young, they were never given the tools to succeed? What's going to happen to them? Who's going to show them how to succeed? Scary stuff.

You have to work really hard, sometimes at jobs you don't enjoy, to get a grub stake to pay for an education or training to do a job that pays you enough to live the life you want to live. And it takes a multi-year, even multi-decade plan. And it takes a little luck to avoid a job-loss or health catastrophe. But if you have the mental tools, you can usually pick up and start over and get going again faster than someone that doesn't have the tools. Its just that simple. If no one ever shows you that or you don't come to that realization yourself, you're screwed for the rest of your days.

we are going thru some fun times now with an adult son that has moved back home with us, along with his girlfriend and their 2 dogs.
very similar to what paul said about the entitled attitude, feels everybody owes him the job with the big bucks, and has no intention
of working at a box store, fast food, or similar non skilled job. no college education (had his ticket punched with admission to Embry Riddle
but after 3 semesters we had to pull the plug because his frat buddies were more important than his education and flight instruction)
still to this day can't keep a job for more than a couple months, and it's never his fault, all the bosses do the job wrong and he can't
work for someone that doesn't know how to run the business... just ask him.
and the younger girl with him is the same way, not going to apply at the grocery store because they are open 24 hrs, not going to do that.
she didn't return a phone call after a job interview at a gas/convenience store because the call came 2 weeks after her interview, when they
told her they would call her in 2-3 days. so now why would she want to work there when obviously somebody else got the job and didn't stay
for more than a week, in her opinion.
another part of this story that ties into this thread is my ex is dumping funds into his account, paying for his car and insurance, and his cell
phone, so what more does he really need? i have tried not to give cash, because he likes very expensive beer, sort of like going to star wars
but not paying for the past due bills,,
my son is 28
ugh