Loss of Civility on the Forums
- Thread starter SteveH_CT
- Start date
- Views: 4850
- Status
sweettractors
Advertiser
<font color="blue"> It sure is hard for me not to say red when I see red though! </font>
Henro--I had a Uncle that has been dead for 15 years now and I remember when asked for advice or how he thought something should be done, he always told you exactly what the deal was. He was very much "Direct and to the point". When he was living, most people said that was his worst fault and after he died, the same people say that was his best trait. His wife and family of 3 boys and 1 girl took his advice and all are worth several million $ today--If it is RED, say so!!--Ken Sweet
Sweet Farm Equipment LLC *Truck Accessories and Graphics Division*
Henro--I had a Uncle that has been dead for 15 years now and I remember when asked for advice or how he thought something should be done, he always told you exactly what the deal was. He was very much "Direct and to the point". When he was living, most people said that was his worst fault and after he died, the same people say that was his best trait. His wife and family of 3 boys and 1 girl took his advice and all are worth several million $ today--If it is RED, say so!!--Ken Sweet
Sweet Farm Equipment LLC *Truck Accessories and Graphics Division*
MikePA
Super Moderator
There are a number of people on TBN (Bird comes to mind) who do not call 'red', 'pink' yet manage to do this without offending or being uncivil. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif There's a difference between being clear in what we say and being rude. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif Many people I know who brag about being 'direct', are actually rude. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
Henro
Elite Member
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Messages
- 4,982
- Location
- Few miles north of Pgh, PA
- Tractor
- Kubota B2910, BX2200, KX41-2V mini EX
Mike,
I hope I did not come across as promoting rudeness!
That is a tough call though...gets back to personal sensitivites...
You know, like " Boy is that guy rude! You know it's red, and I know its red, be he sure did not have to say it's red." He could have said pink...
While at a different table one hears: "Why's that guy have to be saying pink all the time when he knows it's red???"
I'll give you an example of how I innocently (in my mind anyway) get in trouble with the wife sometimes. She is Japanese and I'm not. But we do share a lot of both cultures between us. Occasionally I will raise my voice in surprise about something. . I think in the typical American way of talking(I'm generally a quiet spoken guy, pretty much).
Well, occasionally, she takes my expression as an expression of anger, then she reacts to it that way, then I react to her reacting to me wrongly, wrongly...and later we laugh about it, but it is a situation that doesn't feel good for the moment. And this is after 30+ years together. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif
You are certainly right there is a difference between following the Golden Rule and being rude. Tone of voice can be enough to make the difference.
In my mind this tread started because someone was overly sensitive to a comment someone else made, that I did not personally have a problem with at all. Now if the original comment was a fraud and troll, I would have a problem with that. But it did not appear to be.
So one comment is made and two (or more) people react to it in different ways. Was it rude or was it not?
I guess that is just life. (Sometimes it is just wife... /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif) Things can be taken different ways by different poeple for different reasons...
And the world continues to turn... /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif Politely most of the time, hopefully...
I hope I did not come across as promoting rudeness!
That is a tough call though...gets back to personal sensitivites...
You know, like " Boy is that guy rude! You know it's red, and I know its red, be he sure did not have to say it's red." He could have said pink...
While at a different table one hears: "Why's that guy have to be saying pink all the time when he knows it's red???"
I'll give you an example of how I innocently (in my mind anyway) get in trouble with the wife sometimes. She is Japanese and I'm not. But we do share a lot of both cultures between us. Occasionally I will raise my voice in surprise about something. . I think in the typical American way of talking(I'm generally a quiet spoken guy, pretty much).
Well, occasionally, she takes my expression as an expression of anger, then she reacts to it that way, then I react to her reacting to me wrongly, wrongly...and later we laugh about it, but it is a situation that doesn't feel good for the moment. And this is after 30+ years together. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif
You are certainly right there is a difference between following the Golden Rule and being rude. Tone of voice can be enough to make the difference.
In my mind this tread started because someone was overly sensitive to a comment someone else made, that I did not personally have a problem with at all. Now if the original comment was a fraud and troll, I would have a problem with that. But it did not appear to be.
So one comment is made and two (or more) people react to it in different ways. Was it rude or was it not?
I guess that is just life. (Sometimes it is just wife... /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif) Things can be taken different ways by different poeple for different reasons...
And the world continues to turn... /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif Politely most of the time, hopefully...
MikePA
Super Moderator
<font color="blue"> I hope I did not come across as promoting rudeness! </font>
Nope, not at all. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
<font color="blue"> get in trouble with the wife sometimes...But we do share a lot of both cultures between us. </font>
Doesn't even have to be two different cultures! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif At least 99% of the, ah, discussions, yeah, that's the word, my wife and I have, after 28 years of marriage, involve one of us, usually me, taking something wrong. She meant something as a joke, and I took it seriously. I've tried to 'train' her by saying, "I know you think that's what you said, but here's what I heard." If we can misinterpret a verbal conversation when we can see body language, it's so much easier when reading what others type, even with all the Instant Faces available. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Nope, not at all. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
<font color="blue"> get in trouble with the wife sometimes...But we do share a lot of both cultures between us. </font>
Doesn't even have to be two different cultures! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif At least 99% of the, ah, discussions, yeah, that's the word, my wife and I have, after 28 years of marriage, involve one of us, usually me, taking something wrong. She meant something as a joke, and I took it seriously. I've tried to 'train' her by saying, "I know you think that's what you said, but here's what I heard." If we can misinterpret a verbal conversation when we can see body language, it's so much easier when reading what others type, even with all the Instant Faces available. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
<font color="blue"> "I know you think that's what you said, but here's what I heard." </font>
With no apologies whatever to the ladies who may read this, I'd like to disclose the results of my research on this subject.
There is no question that there are differences between the male and female anatomy. However, there is one difference that has escaped attention. There is a filter in every female's head. It's located between the brain, the ears and the mouth. It's connected from the brain to the filter to the mouth on the output side, and from the ears to the filter to the brain on the input side. This filter works precisely the same in both directions.
Here's an example of how it works. Woman thinks "black". Thought passes through filter, changes to "white", and comes out of mouth, "white". Woman hears herself say "white", but word passes through filter, converts to "black", and brain recognizes "black". Woman is satisfied she said what she thought.
Now, men have no filter. They hear "white", brain receives "white". They are convinced woman meant "white". So, they proceed accordingly.
Now, the woman's eyes are not connected to the filter, so she sees man proceeding with "white", and understands that it's not what her brain intended. Since she heard no contradiction in what she said, it must be the man's fault.
This is an infallible principle. I won't go into all the permutations, but you can chase it around in as many directions as you want, and it always comes out to the same thing. NOTE: the physical existence of the filter has not been established, but any examination of male/female interactions proves the existence without a doubt.
With no apologies whatever to the ladies who may read this, I'd like to disclose the results of my research on this subject.
There is no question that there are differences between the male and female anatomy. However, there is one difference that has escaped attention. There is a filter in every female's head. It's located between the brain, the ears and the mouth. It's connected from the brain to the filter to the mouth on the output side, and from the ears to the filter to the brain on the input side. This filter works precisely the same in both directions.
Here's an example of how it works. Woman thinks "black". Thought passes through filter, changes to "white", and comes out of mouth, "white". Woman hears herself say "white", but word passes through filter, converts to "black", and brain recognizes "black". Woman is satisfied she said what she thought.
Now, men have no filter. They hear "white", brain receives "white". They are convinced woman meant "white". So, they proceed accordingly.
Now, the woman's eyes are not connected to the filter, so she sees man proceeding with "white", and understands that it's not what her brain intended. Since she heard no contradiction in what she said, it must be the man's fault.
This is an infallible principle. I won't go into all the permutations, but you can chase it around in as many directions as you want, and it always comes out to the same thing. NOTE: the physical existence of the filter has not been established, but any examination of male/female interactions proves the existence without a doubt.
L
LarryRB
Guest
Funny how these things go. In my mind, it comes down to interpreting the written word. Now, not to start a fight or keep an on going argument.. What I read says, red is red,, period.. Is this thing, (it may be a shade of pink) part of the "new" we must be politically correct society? If it is red, then ****, it's red.. Not some off shade to satisfy the local neighborhood.. Red is red and that's all there is to it!! See what interpreting the written word means? For those who feel politically correct is the way to be,, I am against it, totally. I think long term and short term political correctness is very dangerous. Now, I can go back to my bunker and see what interpretations come now...
MikePA
Super Moderator
<font color="blue"> Since she heard no contradiction in what she said, it must be the man's fault.</font>
Amen, amen and amen! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Of course, in my feeble attempt to learn from my misinterpretations of the words spoken by my bride, I have inserted a 'if...then...else' instruction right before I engage the vocal cords for an anger response.
'if spousal joke, then branch around anger.'
This improvement in the male program has simply moved the coding error to the 'if' statement. Invariably, I hear a joke, when none was intended. Therefore, I have removed the 'if' statement and assume no statements are jokes. I have also branched around the command to engage the anger response. /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Amen, amen and amen! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Of course, in my feeble attempt to learn from my misinterpretations of the words spoken by my bride, I have inserted a 'if...then...else' instruction right before I engage the vocal cords for an anger response.
'if spousal joke, then branch around anger.'
This improvement in the male program has simply moved the coding error to the 'if' statement. Invariably, I hear a joke, when none was intended. Therefore, I have removed the 'if' statement and assume no statements are jokes. I have also branched around the command to engage the anger response. /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
JerryG
Super Member
Don,
I think that you have it. That has got the be the best explanation for my mistakes, that I have ever heart. I know that, no matter, what my wife says, it seem like I heard it differently. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
I think that you have it. That has got the be the best explanation for my mistakes, that I have ever heart. I know that, no matter, what my wife says, it seem like I heard it differently. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Interesting reasoning, Don.
True problem isn't in what/which words you use when talking.
True problem is those people who claim themselves are knowledgable aren't "listening" to people -
Here is an example story showing this (this one was translated from Turkish to English by an American friend who was speaking Turkish almost perfectly for me 6-7 years ago.)
---------------
A learned foreign scientist came to Aksehir and said he wanted to challenge the wits of the most knowledgeable person in the city. The townsfolk called for Nasreddin Hoca.
When the Hoca arrived, the foreigner drew a circle in the sand with a stick. The Hoca frowned, took the stick, and divided the circle in two.
The foreigner then drew another line through the circle that divided it into four equal parts. The Hoca pretended to gather three parts toward himself and to push the remaining part toward the foreigner.
The foreigner then raised his arm above his head, and wiggling his extended fingers, he slowly lowered his hand to the ground. The Hoca did exactly the same thing but in the opposite direction -- moving his hand from the ground to a height above his head.
And, that completed the foreigner's tests -- which he explained privately to the city council..."Your Hoca is very clever man," he began, "I showed him that the world is round -- and he confirmed it but indicated that 'it also has an equator'. And when I divided the world into 4 parts, he indicated that it is '3 parts water and 1 part land', which I can't deny. Finally, I asked what is the origin of rain? He answered quite rightly that 'water rises as steam to the sky, makes cloud, and later returns to earth as rain.'"
When they got him alone, the ordinary townsfolk asked the Hoca what the challenge was all about? The Hoca said, "Well, that other fellow first asked, 'Suppose we have this round tray of baklava [a Turkish dessert]? So, I said, 'You can't eat it all by yourself, you know. So, I'll take half.' Then he got a little rude, saying, 'What will you do if I cut it into 4 parts?' That upset me, so I said, 'In that case, I'll take three of the parts and only leave you one!' That softened him up, I think, because then, with the motion of his hand, he said, 'Well, I suppose I could add some walnuts and pistachio nuts on top of the baklava.' I cooled down too and said, 'That's fine with me, but you'll need to cook it under full flame, because an ash fire just won't be hot enough'. When I said that, he knew I was right, and gave up the game..."
------
Ps: some may ask who Hoca is. To me, he is an international humorous philosopher teacher who had lived among ordinary folks of the world. I have web pages about him which I had made in 1994 the beginning year of world wide web. They are hidden pages to the public; Pictures and Main Hoca page
True problem isn't in what/which words you use when talking.
True problem is those people who claim themselves are knowledgable aren't "listening" to people -
Here is an example story showing this (this one was translated from Turkish to English by an American friend who was speaking Turkish almost perfectly for me 6-7 years ago.)
---------------
A learned foreign scientist came to Aksehir and said he wanted to challenge the wits of the most knowledgeable person in the city. The townsfolk called for Nasreddin Hoca.
When the Hoca arrived, the foreigner drew a circle in the sand with a stick. The Hoca frowned, took the stick, and divided the circle in two.
The foreigner then drew another line through the circle that divided it into four equal parts. The Hoca pretended to gather three parts toward himself and to push the remaining part toward the foreigner.
The foreigner then raised his arm above his head, and wiggling his extended fingers, he slowly lowered his hand to the ground. The Hoca did exactly the same thing but in the opposite direction -- moving his hand from the ground to a height above his head.
And, that completed the foreigner's tests -- which he explained privately to the city council..."Your Hoca is very clever man," he began, "I showed him that the world is round -- and he confirmed it but indicated that 'it also has an equator'. And when I divided the world into 4 parts, he indicated that it is '3 parts water and 1 part land', which I can't deny. Finally, I asked what is the origin of rain? He answered quite rightly that 'water rises as steam to the sky, makes cloud, and later returns to earth as rain.'"
When they got him alone, the ordinary townsfolk asked the Hoca what the challenge was all about? The Hoca said, "Well, that other fellow first asked, 'Suppose we have this round tray of baklava [a Turkish dessert]? So, I said, 'You can't eat it all by yourself, you know. So, I'll take half.' Then he got a little rude, saying, 'What will you do if I cut it into 4 parts?' That upset me, so I said, 'In that case, I'll take three of the parts and only leave you one!' That softened him up, I think, because then, with the motion of his hand, he said, 'Well, I suppose I could add some walnuts and pistachio nuts on top of the baklava.' I cooled down too and said, 'That's fine with me, but you'll need to cook it under full flame, because an ash fire just won't be hot enough'. When I said that, he knew I was right, and gave up the game..."
------
Ps: some may ask who Hoca is. To me, he is an international humorous philosopher teacher who had lived among ordinary folks of the world. I have web pages about him which I had made in 1994 the beginning year of world wide web. They are hidden pages to the public; Pictures and Main Hoca page
- Status
