Neighbors and favors.

[ultrarunner]

Run into similar a few times...

Owner of a lot needed a variance to build a home...

He made a great presentation citing all the reasons why he was building and having a home on this lot would be ideal for his family...etc., etc.,

When it came time to hear protest... the really wasn't any... just a few welcoming him into the neighborhood and asking that construction noise not happen on Sunday... everyone felt good about the meeting and his variance was granted...

I had helped his survey guy for a few hours with my Dozer and the owner kept saying how great is was to have neighbors like me... said he was going to have to think of something nice to make it up...

Less than a week later the property was advertised with approved plans and variance in place... played us like a fiddle.

Someone bought the property and for a huge price and then the market tanked... tried to sell it for 7 years with no luck... eventually it was foreclosed... guess it was used as collateral... at the bank sale... the guy that originally sold it bought it back for pennies on the dollar and wanted to take up like nothing had happened...

 

[Msgtmje]

Some years ago I had a neighbor who had a couple of horses on her too small lot and I was talking about it with her. I have two acres that are not fenced abutting her property. In a weak moment I said that if she wanted she could occasionally graze her horses there. The NEXT day I came home from work to find that area had been electric fenced. The fence was even across the gate that I used to access the area effectively annexing my property. I was unable to get in touch with her for close to a month as she kept avoiding me, not returning calls, not answering her door etc... One morning when the horses were in their stalls I dismantled the fence that was on my property and placed it over her property line. The next day the chief of police ( small town) came to visit and discuss allegations of property damage. He left saying it was my property I can do what I want with it. His next stop was to her house to explain property rights to her. She ended up short selling the house and moving back to the PRM (Peoples Republic of Massachusetts). It seem that sometimes people hear what they want to hear. I used to be amazed, now I'm just amused.

 

[Baby Grand]

I think sixdogs has expressed how I handle this. It's natural for people of good conscience to want to pay you to do something that they want done, but can't or don't know how to do themselves. Otherwise, they feel indebted. To refuse their payment can actually sting them more deeply than being charged more than they thought the work was worth.

Either let them offer (and accept) what they feel is a fair amount, or tell them what you figure the fuel & operating/maintenance cost of the machine is and charge them that. If they want to pay you something for your time, too, don't refuse.

 

[sixdogs]

This thread is difficult because on one hand we want to help those unable to help themselves. It's a natural act of kindness. On the other hand the desire to help those who don't really need it but might be looking to manipulate another for gain is fraught with potential negatives as the prior posts explained..

My approach for most people is explained in post #8. I let them pay me what they think it's worth. It's win-win and I know where everyone stands.

For those looking to gain something at the expense of another, there are risks that aren't being considered. I knew someone that helped a guy plant a new lawn. It was his business and he did it for a song to be nice guy. Well, it didn't rain and the lawn didn't grow in lots of places. Part of the problem was the homeowner rushed the guy to do the work too early in the season. The labor was free but the homeowner felt it was the good guys obligation to buy more seed. We're talking $800 here.
Even better, the homeowner didn't like how an area around the septic lids came out and wanted him to do a lot of handwork to make it look right. The homeowner was perfectly capable but since the good guy neighbor offered to help figured that meant t o do the job 100% and he got to watch from the porch. Before it was over things got a little testy and the homeowner implied he didn't want to resort to (legally?) other ways to get the job done.

Imagine if he hit a gas line or buried cable? The free job to be a nice guy could end up costing lots of $$. My point is there are risks out there and someone that is clever enough to get work for free is clever enough to be back for seconds. Again, it's one thing to help someone in need or elderly but all others require a deeper thought. After all, how many people have volunteered to work for you for free?

 

[KennyG]

I generally get along fine with everyone. However, I understand how the neighbor thing can go wrong. A few years back I bought a house that was adjacent to a fairly large property that had a secondary access next to my house. The neighbors were a bit cold, but eventually they explained that they had owned all the property but a family friend had bugged them for years to sell off part because it was an ideal property where they wanted to build and raise their family. They had the property on the market as soon as the house was built with the intent to take a quick profit and buy into an upscale neighborhood. My neighbors just hated that my house existed but we eventually got along fine.

 

[mark02tj]

GREAT stories in this thread!! Some of them just make me shake my head when I read what some people will do in order to get a "favor". Here are a couple of my experiences....

My first house was "in the city." The houses were about 10-12' apart and had tiny lawns. When I'd fire up my mower to do my lawn, I would often do my next door neighbor's lawn as well. He only had a front yard as his entire "back yard" was concreted. It only took an extra 3 or 4 minutes for me to do it, so I never worried about it. One day he was out trimming his taxus bushes by hand. I had a power hedge clipper that I'd bought at a garage sale for $10 several years earlier. I offered to loan it to him and he accepted. Once he was done using it, he didn't walk the 20' to return it to me - instead he left it sitting on a picnic table in his back yard. I could see it from my yard and decided to see how long it would sit there. After about a week, on a very rainy Saturday, I was on the phone with a buddy of mine. This was back in the late 80's and it was a cordless phone that just happened to share the same frequency with the neighbor's cordless phone (which I didn't know at the time). I was telling him how I was looking at my trimmer sitting in the rain on the guy's table. 5 minutes later the neighbor's wife showed up sheepishly on my front porch, soaked, with the trimmer in her hand! LOL!

Fast forward a few years and I'd moved to the 'burbs. There was an old couple (in their late 80's) that lived across the street from me. Their daughter's family (including a butt-head husband of the daughter!) lived down the street in the biggest house in the neighborhood. One winter I'm out clearing my driveway and I see the grandson of the old couple out using a new snowblower to clear his grandparents driveway. He was having trouble with it so I went over to see what was going on. Turns out that his dad apparently tried to assemble the snowblower and did such an outstanding job on it that all of the screws were coming loose! I grabbed a couple of tools out of my box, including some Lock-Tite and started fixing the blower for the kid. The dad pulls up on his way to work, rolls down the window and asks what's going on. I told him and he just smiled, said something about me being his personal mechanic and drove off while I'm out in the cold helping his kid. I can't understand why his wife divorced him the next year after 20+ years of marriage. Might have had something to do with him sleeping with his secretary. Needless to say, I didn't help out him any more, but I did keep the old couple's driveway clear after the kids went to college. Same for the other old couple right next door to me.

Same neighborhood, different neighbor.... We'd just moved in and the next door neighbor comes over to introduce himself and eat part of the pizza that I'd bought for all of the folks that helped me move that day. Sheesh! A few days later he comes over and says something about needing a key to the lock on my shed. I asked what for and he said just in case he needed to borrow something!!! Really???? I said that if he needed to borrow something that he needed to ask to borrow it. He got very offended saying that the previous owner had let him help himself. I said "I'm not the previous owner."

After my divorce (no, I wasn't sleeping with my secretary like my old neighbor! LOL!), I moved into an apartment that included a garage. Had a great neighbor upstairs that was pretty colorful (he was a semi-professional gambler - great stories!). He eventually met a woman and moved out and then I had a gay couple move in. One day I come home and one of them is sitting on the stairs that lead up to their apartment. He tells me that he's locked out and he can't get ahold of any of his friends that he'd given keys to. His patio door was open so I got a ladder out of my garage and leaned it up against the balcony. He wanted ME to climb up the ladder and over the rail. I told him that if he wanted in that HE could climb up there and unlock the door. He was offended at that! Several weeks later his partner came to my door insisting that I help him with something on his car. I told him that I didn't know anything about working on cars like his but would me more than happy to loan him a floor jack, etc. He said that I was lying to him because he saw me working on my Jeep from time to time and that I obviously knew about cars. I told him that I research everything on the Jeep before I do it and I don't know about cars in general. Between his attitude and the fact that he was smoking in an enclosed area outside of my apartment door - I just closed the door on him.

Now we live "in the country" and most of our neighbors are pretty self-sufficient. I do help the guy next door clear his driveway if we get really heavy snows though. He's always appreciative and says thanks!!

 

[tractorshopper]

Like I said before, I'm glad to help my neighbors whether they can help me or not. Even loan my tractor out to folks that know how to use it. I trust them to take care of any damage if any occurred, but haven't had any issues at all.

Last night I towed my daughters car home and spent nearly 4 hours working on it half pulled into my garage. My neighbor across the lane came over to see if I needed any help. Said he saw the tow dolly hooked to my truck and figured he'd offer a hand if needed. I didn't at the time, but he said if I did, text him and he'd be right over. I almost texted when trying to hold the tensioner in retracted position with one hand and trying to put the belt on with the other, but got it. The point is, what comes around goes around and pays off in the end. I'm glad to know if I need help, I can get it, but I'm also glad to provide help if I can.

 

[tractorshopper]

Like I said before, I'm glad to help my neighbors whether they can help me or not. Even loan my tractor out to folks that know how to use it. I trust them to take care of any damage if any occurred, but haven't had any issues at all.

Last night I towed my daughters car home and spent nearly 4 hours working on it half pulled into my garage. My neighbor across the lane came over to see if I needed any help. Said he saw the tow dolly hooked to my truck and figured he'd offer a hand if needed. I didn't at the time, but he said if I did, text him and he'd be right over. I almost texted when trying to hold the tensioner in retracted position with one hand and trying to put the belt on with the other, but got it. The point is, what comes around goes around and pays off in the end. I'm glad to know if I need help, I can get it, but I'm also glad to provide help if I can.

 

[bcp]

Interesting stories.

Neighbors in need vs neighbors in want.

Bruce

 

[CanuckPT]

Neighbors in need vs neighbors in want. Bruce

Well said.

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