Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[riptides]

Condolences to all.

Lost my Dad one year ago at this time. Lost my FIL just a few weeks ago.

All I know is I don't want to put my kids through what they went through. We found a lot of people in the family to not be on the same page when it came to elder care. Indeed, both fathers plans changed at some point in their lives and end-state, wishes, or whatever you elect to call that planning, was never really communicated. Properly.

 

[ultrarunner]

@ArlyA and @Sigarms

Sorry to hear the news. Not the greatest time of the year to be dealing with these issues. Wishing you and your families the best.
Let the light shine brightly at these dark moments in life! Prayers are being sent for the two of you and yours!

From dads hospital bed he had me promise to look after mom and said he did the best he could adding with a level head and everything paid for mom will be ok…

His last push was a new roof on the house saying it gave him piece of mind knowing mom would have no worries about the roof.

Mom lived on social security and not once did she ever have a money problem and was able to do all she wanted… even leaving a $1000 for each grand kid the week she passed… always thinking about others.

Memory is funny in that I believe your true self comes out and lucky for me always appreciative for any kindness…

 

[ArlyA]

Dearest is heading back to northern MN on Friday for dad care. He'll be moved to a different building that's not memory care and people there tend to talk, so she hopes he'll have more people to talk to. His dementia has returned him to being mad and this and that.

 

[ArlyA]

Father-in-law got moved into a new building today. All went well.

 

[Sigarms]

Father-in-law got moved into a new building today. All went well.

Good to hear!

 

[Duds13]

The closing on my parent's house was on New Year's Eve. I said my goodbyes the last time I was at the house in November knowing that I probably wouldn't be back. Just a very strange feeling knowing that someone else is now living in the house my Dad was born in which he then purchased in his 20's and raised all of us in it. So many memories. The house was meant to be lived in so I can only hope the new owners take care of it like my parent's did and myself and my siblings did when my parent's aged and they also make the memories that we now have.

 

[JasperFrank]

"I just find it interesting in my and my wife's family how some are afraid to talk about death when it's going to happen sooner or later..." Yup. My wife, still, will not fill out and register a Will or a DNR. Its irresponsible on her part. I still love her though.

 

[riptides]

"I just find it interesting in my and my wife's family how some are afraid to talk about death when it's going to happen sooner or later..." Yup. My wife, still, will not fill out and register a will. Its irresponsible on her part.

Bring up the bureaucratic and family inconveniences that NOT having a will, will entail to survivors left to deal with her passing.

It is not pleasant. Even simple things, like bank accounts, can be a nightmare to manage. Then you get into local, state and federal government dealings...oh boy....

It's a hassle with a will. Without....ugh....can be more stress coming a persons way.

 

[garry1p]

In 1970 my first wife was given 5 years to live, she passed away on the 4th year.
Given all that time we never faced it and she died with no will, we were living in NC and had property in SC I never gave much thought about it until I went to sell it a few years later. I found I only owned 1/2 of the property and to sell it I had to have my son's permission. The 16 yr old signed the papers and the 14 yr old had a court appointed attorney. We met in the judges chambers and they made it clear to the 14yr old we could sell and he was entitle to 1/4 of the proceeds. There were other problems but this was a big one.

Fast forward 3 years ago my second wife died as collateral damage from COVID-19 (hospital had no open beds and getting her into the hospital ER was a problem then surgery was delayed).

Everything we owned was joint ownership and we had wills so no problems, 3 children 2 hers one mine.
Today 109 acres is in a trust for the kids my funeral arrangements are taken care of and a will drawn up by a lawyer.

Moral of the story is to take care of business today there may be no tomorrow.

 

[WinterDeere]

The closing on my parent's house was on New Year's Eve. I said my goodbyes the last time I was at the house in November knowing that I probably wouldn't be back. Just a very strange feeling knowing that someone else is now living in the house my Dad was born in which he then purchased in his 20's and raised all of us in it. So many memories. The house was meant to be lived in so I can only hope the new owners take care of it like my parent's did and myself and my siblings did when my parent's aged and they also make the memories that we now have.

Always weird, that last time in the house in which you grew up. I still remember when mom sold my childhood home, I was the last one out the door, retrieving the last few items left after everyone else had already moved out.

Over the last several years, we have sold off houses that have been in our family for many generations, the oldest going back to the 1690's. Always weird, driving past those places, which you've been driving up to your entire life (and also knowing your parents and grandparents had done the same for all of theirs), but which are now part of someone else's life.