Prom Date Application???

Varmintmist · Apr 20, 2005

Fathers rules for dating daughters

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RULE ONE: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

RULE TWO: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.

RULE THREE: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips... You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants 10 sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.

RULE FOUR: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you painfully over time. I am the barrier and I will kill you, painfully and over time.

RULE FIVE: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other we should talk about sports, politics and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house.

RULE SIX: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is OK with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

RULE SEVEN: As you stand in my hall way, waiting for my daughter to appear, and an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. Instead of just standing there, why not do something useful, like change the oil in my car?

RULE EIGHT: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, police or nuns. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Romantic movies are to be avoided. Hockey games are OK. Old folks homes are better.

RULE NINE: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter I am the all-knowing merciless god of your universe. If I ask where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I have a closet full of firearms, a tractor with a loader, and fifty acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

RULE TEN: Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange acts up the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my little girl home. As soon as you pull onto the driveway, exit your car. Announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home early then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

bczoom · Apr 20, 2005

Thank you Varmint,

That's a good start for the list I need for my daughter. I've come up with a couple more.

RULE ELEVEN: I brought her into this world but can take you out.

RULE TWELVE: When Mrs. Zoom says to have her home by 10:00, that means you better have her home by 9:00 to make me happy.

RULE THIRTEEN: If you split my firewood or paint my house, the other rules still strongly apply but I may allow you back.

RULE FOURTEEN: If you EVER, I mean EVER drive my daughter home with alcohol on your breath, think of the consequences of RULE FOUR and apply and think of what I will do to you (using RULE NINE).

getut · Apr 20, 2005

Oh man.. these rules and applications have made my day. I'm wiping tears off my face.

Its so hilarious to think that people would be this "free" with their daughters. heheheheh

/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Nasty135 · Apr 20, 2005

Varmintmist, Great STUFF!! /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Spiffy · Apr 20, 2005

/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gifI'm partial to guns, dogs, and other scary objects for driving home a point, but in today's world of "twisted legaleeze" maybe the rules need to be slightly modified:

perhaps something like:
'You point your "gun" at my daughter and I'll be pointing my rifle back at you..." /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

At least that way when the kid finds one of these new age lawyers to sue for the "threat of bodily harm" you can maybe have the defense "protection of a family member against a 'loaded weapon'." /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

or fight fire with fire:
If you even think of doing or saying anything that could in any way allow myself of others to imagine this girl in any less than a perfectly pure manner, my lawyers will destroy your life during a long painful "defamation of character suit". /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Chad

JDGREEN4ME · Apr 20, 2005

( I suppose it is necessary... )
The sad thing is if they didn't try and do something prior to the event if there was a problem all the "Monday morning quarterbacks" would be grilling them because they did not at least try. Not saying I agree with "prom applications" but I also understand that the "good old days" are gone. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Varmintmist · Apr 20, 2005

Actually, if you try to kill someone it is a felony. If you beat him within a inch of his life making it clear all the time that you are not going to kill him, it is a misdemeanor. Mostly /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

gws · Apr 20, 2005

How does this help keep out trouble makers? Does the guidance counseler and principal know every kid that might attend? Are they going to do background checks to see if the out of area kid is OK? Seems to me this is a CYA if something happens and has nothing to do with stopping anything from happening. What is the criteria for keeping a kid from the prom? What dispute process is there if your rejected? I can see the law suits flying now.

(
Yes it is only for students from other schools as they would already have info on their own students. When you purchase tickets you must give them the names of both parties.

The form states that the person must have graduated within the last three years. Then the home school signatures are waived. I guess if you got out 4 years ago you can not attend.

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Bob_Skurka · Apr 20, 2005

I've been reading this thread for the past few days.

First, I have no problem with a school protecting its students by requiring some of these things when a non-student is brought into the school.

Second, I think the boy needs to fill out an application with ME to take my daughter to prom! My backhoe may be seldom used, but I could find a use for one if the wrong boy showed up & was not a polite gentleman /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

getut · Apr 20, 2005

I know you are joking when you say that Bob.. but I think the point is that it is insulting to a parent that cares.

I would be inclined attach a piece of paper to their application saying that "I police my own children, Thank you very much" and that "I approve xxx person to be my child's date and that is about all you need to know on the matter".