R.I.P crash325

[drssg]

So Crash died about 7 years ago. His long lost daughter comes on recently to introduce herself so to speak and saying she enjoyed reading his old posts as a way to get to know him a little better. She also says he abandoned her years ago and didn’t want to get in touch with her really. All this back and forth about abandoning children isn’t probably helping anything at this point. She has sorted her feelings out and he is still dead. Let him rest in peace and his daughter move on.

IIRC, the five stages of the grieving process are denial, bargaining, anger, sorrow, and acceptance. Not everyone experiences all stages, but we all have some sort of process that is required to move on in a healthy manner.

I can't judge whether her feelings are now sorted out, but I wouldn't want to discourage her from sharing.

 

[ultrarunner]

Not saying this is what’s happening but only one side is currently presented without opportunity for the other to refute… for what it’s worth.

 

[Sigarms]

Not saying this is what’s happening but only one side is currently presented without opportunity for the other to refute… for what it’s worth.

Not saying it's right or wrong, but the reality is there are some people who for whatever reason do not have "parental instincts" what so ever, and for the most part, most likely should never should have had children to begin with.

Our first son already had his parental rights handed down by the court on his birth parents when he was in foster care. With our second son however, we had no clue how it was going to play out with the courts. We ended up going through the termination of parental rights way through the court system.

Ever sit in family court? It's interesting... You show up when court session opens up and you have no clue when the child in questions case is going to be heard by the court (could be the first case in the morning or the last case in the day, and sometimes, it doesn't happen at all).

"Interesting" is a understatement because if you're unlucky enough to have a case being heard at the end of the day, you’re stuck watching everyone else’s case before yours. Anyone with any common sense IMO would be left scratching their heads when you hear other cases about why kids are in the court system when their families can’t or won’t care for them.

I used to believe that people became the adults they were due to their own decisions in life. After having to spend some time in family court and watch some of these cases, I’ve come to the understanding that some kids can just get so screwed up by their biological parents lack of actions and common sense that they were kind of screwed up from the day of their birth because they have no clue what “normal” is. I’m not making excuses for grown adults who have grown up in “un healthy” families, but saying I now have a better understanding of why.


I don’t know the truth in this instance on Crash’s life story and why he did what he did, but assuming crash’s daughter isn’t making up her own life story, I can only assume for whatever line of reasoning Crash really didn’t want a family at the time, and for whatever reason (right or wrong) didn’t want to have contact with his daughter (there are people like that as I believe some members here have stated so with their own life story or spouses life story).

I might have missed it, but Crash was around 80 years in age. Per the original post announcing Crash’s death, no where is it mentioned that Crash had a wife or Children (if I’m mistaken, my apologies and a bad assumption on my end).

However, assuming Crash’s daughters life story is true as she she’s lived it, I can only assume that for whatever reason, Crash didn’t want either Crash’s daughter or her mother in his life.

Long story short (yes, way past that now LOL) after reading what Crash’s daughter had to say, the way it played out was that she had a wonderful mother who cared and supported her, and it seems like Crash may have actually done her a favor by his own actions. Who knows, it may have been his act of love even though it could have been hard for him? I don’t have the answers, nor is it my job to have the answers, and at this point in time, it wouldn’t be right to assume anything IMO.

 

[Sigarms]

On a personal side note dealing with babies…

Even though I’m 60 right now, I’ve never changed a diaper in my life (both our boys were past that age when they came to live with us originally in foster care). We’re helping a younger couple at our church with some baby sitting, and they have a 2 year old and 6 month year old. Spent around 5 hours with those two little ones last night with my wife by ourselves. I found it funny because I’m a grown man and I’m sincerely getting freaked out because I thought I’d have to change a diaper (I did the manly thing and let my wife handle that job LOL).

Actually, we feel privileged that the mother actually trusts pretty much only my wife when she’s working the nursery at church with her new baby, and they trust us enough with their own children by ourselves. Driving home last night, I told my wife I’m not sure how some parents do it. Having a baby and little one who needs constant care and supervision 24/7 can be exhausting (which we missed with our own boys).

That said, even though my wife has never had children of her own, I find it amazing how she handles babies, as it seems like second nature for her, but for me? well lets just say I don’t feel like I’m that good at it.

Really gave me a better understanding of what my own mother went through with me as a baby. Thing is, some times when my father was overseas, my mother had her own family help her with me.

Some moms don't have that help, and to do it by themselves I find amazing.

 

[MossRoad]

On a personal side note dealing with babies…

Even though I’m 60 right now, I’ve never changed a diaper in my life (both our boys were past that age when they came to live with us originally in foster care). We’re helping a younger couple at our church with some baby sitting, and they have a 2 year old and 6 month year old. Spent around 5 hours with those two little ones last night with my wife by ourselves. I found it funny because I’m a grown man and I’m sincerely getting freaked out because I thought I’d have to change a diaper (I did the manly thing and let my wife handle that job LOL).

Actually, we feel privileged that the mother actually trusts pretty much only my wife when she’s working the nursery at church with her new baby, and they trust us enough with their own children by ourselves. Driving home last night, I told my wife I’m not sure how some parents do it. Having a baby and little one who needs constant care and supervision 24/7 can be exhausting (which we missed with our own boys).

That said, even though my wife has never had children of her own, I find it amazing how she handles babies, as it seems like second nature for her, but for me? well lets just say I don’t feel like I’m that good at it.

Really gave me a better understanding of what my own mother went through with me as a baby. Thing is, some times when my father was overseas, my mother had her own family help her with me.

Some moms don't have that help, and to do it by themselves I find amazing.

On the bright side.... you missed out on the brown mustard-like blowouts up their backside! It's amazing how much stuff can come out of a baby, out of the top of their diaper, up their back to the base of their neck, and all over everything they are wearing, what they're lying on, etc... can actually be shocking the first time you witness it.

 

[MossRoad]

Oh, and the faces they make while they're doing it!

 

[KubotainNH]

On a personal side note dealing with babies…

Even though I’m 60 right now, I’ve never changed a diaper in my life (both our boys were past that age when they came to live with us originally in foster care). We’re helping a younger couple at our church with some baby sitting, and they have a 2 year old and 6 month year old. Spent around 5 hours with those two little ones last night with my wife by ourselves. I found it funny because I’m a grown man and I’m sincerely getting freaked out because I thought I’d have to change a diaper (I did the manly thing and let my wife handle that job LOL).

Actually, we feel privileged that the mother actually trusts pretty much only my wife when she’s working the nursery at church with her new baby, and they trust us enough with their own children by ourselves. Driving home last night, I told my wife I’m not sure how some parents do it. Having a baby and little one who needs constant care and supervision 24/7 can be exhausting (which we missed with our own boys).

That said, even though my wife has never had children of her own, I find it amazing how she handles babies, as it seems like second nature for her, but for me? well lets just say I don’t feel like I’m that good at it.

Really gave me a better understanding of what my own mother went through with me as a baby. Thing is, some times when my father was overseas, my mother had her own family help her with me.

Some moms don't have that help, and to do it by themselves I find amazing.

Having young grandkids now, I really enjoy the time with them but wow do they take you energy. My wife and many ladies I know, are naturals with babies and kids in general. Not so much for the guys it seems, we need learning. Women's intuition seems to be real. With that said, at one point (for a bit we had 3 kids in diapers) I would come home, after working o/t to make ends meet, just for my wife to leave and get some no kid time. She needed it to survive. That time frame is a blur for both of us.

As for Crash, I enjoyed his musings (crazy that it's been that many years already) but you never know what is going on behind the scenes. Something must have kept him away whether it be lack of confidence, not wanting responsibility or just wanting to be a loner. I've seen it happen not just for the guy side but also the mom leaving the family behind. More common of course for the man. Sadly, some people just fail at things and give up or just don't want to deal. Hopefully Crash's daughter can put this aside but from what I see reading her comments, there is still some bad feelings which may never go away.

 

[Sigarms]

Hopefully Crash's daughter can put this aside but from what I see reading her comments, there is still some bad feelings which may never go away.

From my post # 30 per this thread...

"The way I see it, we all have some closure in our lives to deal with someone in our lives that will never seem to actually be closed for whatever reasons, but sooner or later we will no longer be on this earth, and I'd like to think that is when everyone will have their closure they are dealing with."

I don't see her coming here on this forum where her father frequented as having bad feelings, but more along the lines of having some closure. That said, I can not speak for Crash's daughter, but I could see reading up on his posts being a treasure cove of information.