Update from an old visitor

[Cowboyjg]

Bob,

You short change youselves. You "selfeshness" was based on your need to help others and the realities associated with it. I didn't see anything about you're being millionaires. The reality about things is that we really all need each other to make this "Thing" work.

I feel bad for the kids

I'm sory that your efforts didn't work.

It is what it is and no amount of trying will make it otherwise!!

There are more analogies than I care to list that reflect your situation.

There are far more folks with issues than there are willing to help.

Find someone you can help so they can help someone else. This lightens the load for all of us.

What ever you do...I applaud your effort and wish there were more folks willing to take on the challange.

May God bless you with the insight to decide what is right for you in this difficult circumstance.

 

[MossRoad]

Welcome back.

Tell your wife standing up to the penguins is a sweet treat few get to sample. /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

One of my best teachers was a nun and so was the worst. There are all kind of folks in every profession, and, as you have found, in life. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[Trev]

Thanks very much, Moss!

I should have probably worded my note a bit differently.. it was a story about my wife.. and I don't want to touch off any religious discussions here. I thought it was funny. It's so typical of her. She once saw a huge guy offering "candy" (yeah, right) to some kid, and next thing you know she's right in the guy's face screaming at him to get the *&^% away before she did something they would both regret. Those French-Canadian ladies are not to be messed with lightly! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Thanks again,
Bob

 

[Egon]

Trev:

" Salt of The Earth "

Egon

 

[Trev]

Okay Egon, I can live with being sodium chloride. But "Saint Bob" just doesn't seem to have the right ring to it. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

Thanks!

Bob

 

[riptides]

Wow!

Happy holidays.

There is nothing wrong with "wanting", don't even think that.
"In a hundred years" - ahhh, well your kids, kids maybe kids may make some contribution to man kind in such a positive way that you cannot imagine.

There is hope.
There is "doing it everyday" and then there is
"18" and "21".

I hope sincerely, that your reward is to see some good come out of your efforts.

Good luck. Best wishes.
-Mike Z. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[kevincook]

Bob,

Just wondering if you have had any other kids earlier in life? If not, that is a tough place to start learning how to be a parent. Kids don't come with an instruction manual. I think most parents learn as their kids are growing and kind of have it figured out before they have screwed up their kids too bad.

You started with kids somebody else already messed up and now you need to fix it.

All I can say is Patience, Patience and more Patience....easier said than done. Be absolutely consistent with your expectations and actions and make sure they know that your love for them is unconditional...even when your angry with them. It sounds like every adult in their life has abandoned them or potentially abused them....so I can imagine it would take them years to recover from that and actually trust someone. Keep up the good work.

If all else fails encourage them to join the marines when they are 18. The discipline would do them a world of good, they will also have a new appreciation for everything that you have done for them.

Good Luck,
Kevin

Merry Christmas Everyone.

 

[Trev]

Hi Kevin,

No, I never had kids of my own.. but my wife has two great kids from her previous marriage.. both in the early 20's now.. and both doing well (after the usual rough spots in the road that all kids seem to hit.) Both of them are now married and have 1.5 year-olds who are also super kids. So, Viviane has a lot of experience, and I have none except from having hung out with friend's kids, and so on.

Part of the problem here is that Viviane has had the experience of working three jobs, and waitressing, to support her kids. She never asked for a handout, and when the dad refused to pay any support.. she said fine, I can manage, and it's better for the kids not to always have us fighting.

So when these kids act up in ways she's never imagined, it drives her nuts. Tonight was a typical night.. we found that our boy had stolen a bunch of panties from V's daugher during their last visit.. and had stolen money from them. They have a baby now, and they don't want this kid in their house again. I don't blame them.

We are slowly losing contact with our friends and families because we don't dare take these kids to other people's homes.

I'm starting to lose hope.. and agree with your thought that the military would do them both a lot of good. That's if we can stand another 4-5 years of this.

This is classic sociopath behavior in so many ways. If they are caught with their hand literally in the cookie jar, they flip out and threaten suicide or running away. If they are not directly caught, then they talk and talk and talk.. explaining how they couldn't and wouldn't have ever done such a thing.. even though all involved know it had to have been them. We keep telling them, just tell us the truth and you won't be in trouble. Lie to us, and you're in even deeper trouble. It never gets through.

I used to work as a psychologist for mentally retarded and autistic folks, and we had to learn lots of ways to restrain violent people without hurting them. This training has come in handy on more than one occassion. But I'm sure most people know, it isn't easy to restrain someone without hurting them.. and they are reaching the size/strenth/weight that makes me fear that someday soon I won't be able to control them without hurting them. I don't want it to come to that, obviously.. but when they begin the self-injurious behaviors and the furniture smashing, it has to be stopped, and quickly.. before some gets *really* hurt.

oops... I'm rambling again.. sorry!

I deeply appreciate all of the thoughts that have been offered here.. and I am processing them. Something has to change.. I'm just not sure what at this point.

That aside, life is good.. looking to retirement in about a year.. and hoping we can get on with our lives in some way. And Jez always starts for me! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Best to all.. and thanks again...

Bob

 

[PineRidge]

Bob thanks for sharing your story. It makes Christmas seem a little more special for our family and for all the things that we tend to take for granted.

We sincerely hope that the kids are able to make it through your current problems with a new understanding of what a real loving family is all about. If so it will be the most valuable lesson that the children will have ever learned. Good luck to you all, our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

 

[Trev]

</font><font color="blue" class="small">( Bob thanks for sharing your story. It makes Christmas seem a little more special for our family and for all the things that we tend to take for granted.

We sincerely hope that the kids are able to make it through your current problems with a new understanding of what a real loving family is all about. If so it will be the most valuable lesson that the children will have ever learned. Good luck to you all, our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

)</font>

Thanks, Pine... I appreciate that.. more than you can know. Best to you and yours, and yes, count your blessings.. maybe that's the best thing to come out of this thread.. paying attention to the things we *do* have rather than the things we don't....

Happy Holidays,
Bob