What is wrong with middle aged people?

[Dftodd]

Yep, like trying to be your child's friend when you should be your child's parent.

My grandsons momma is that way. Thankfully when he's with my son and daughter in law, he gets the structure and discipline he needs. His younger brother (different dad) is horrible. We've been around them before at a birthday party or similar event where he starts acting up. His momma tries to reason with him. This kid will flip out, call her some pretty serious names. The boys 5.

He tried that with my wife once Boy had no idea what to think when my wife snatched him up so she could talk to him nose to nose. Then made him sit next to her for the rest of the birthday party. The momma got miffed and started with my wife. My wife told her that she could have the same punishment since she wanted to talk to her kid like a friend instead of being a parent

 

[dragoneggs]

Yep, like trying to be your child's friend when you should be your child's parent.

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

 

[ultrarunner]

Words meanings vary... and it comes down to perception and that is without getting into the generational age gap...

 

[tjkubota93]

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

My 5 year old told me I was his best friend. It felt awesome. I just said thanks you are mine too.

A month later I spanked him and he said I wasn't his best friend anymore. I said I'm your dad, I have to be better than your best friend. I have to make sure you turn out good and are safe. Haha I dont think he cared or got it, but he looked like he was thinking.

 

[MossRoad]

Moss, your comment really struck a nerve with me. 15+ years ago while going through a divorce with teenage kids, my son made a comment to me when it was just him and me talking. He told me that I was his best friend. I commented back that he wasn't my best friend but I loved him with all my heart, and I hoped to always be the best I could be as a father.

This really crushed him at the time and was bitter and held it against me for several years. I didn't realize how he felt with all the sports coaching and just being there for him. During his elementary to high school days, he had three 'best' friends move away and I guess I was his friend that remained. I think the divorce really, really scared him and looking back I understand it much better from his perspective.

We haven't broached the subject for quite a few years. He is now 30 and married. Some day I would like to bring it up to him but I don't want to risk opening up an old wound. I think I need to now that I have thought this through. I have the lyrics of "Cat's in the Cradle" running through my head now.

I can't give you any good advice, as I'm not a professional counselor, but I did sleep on an air mattress at my kid's apartment for the past 4 days (man, my back is tight! :laughing

I think of that song several times a year when I wonder if I spent enough time with my kids, should I have done this, or should I have said that.... I could drive myself nuts with guilt if I let me do it.

As a parent, you do the best you can with the tools you have at the time and that's all you can do. I have talked to my kids about things that maybe I could have done better, or wish I could do over. For the most part, now that they are adults, they are pretty forgiving and also very appreciative for the things we did for them, and the sacrifices we made in our lives to give them a good upbringing. That right there is very satisfying.

 

[MossRoad]

Who's gotten the "You're not the boss of me!" from your little kid? :laughing:

 

[dragoneggs]

Who's gotten the "You're not the boss of me!" from your little kid? :laughing:

Or threatening to emancipate? :laughing:

 

[MossRoad]

My oldest told us she wanted to go away to military boarding school around 7th grade because we were too strict.... we laughed hard. She even got pricing for it. $40K per year. Oh, look... SCUBA diving costs extra and you have to bring your own horse. :laughing:

She grew out of that phase.

 

[MossRoad]

Or threatening to emancipate? :laughing:

On a serious note, one of my sisters did just that. Then she moved in with my grandmother across the driveway and changed her address. Once she was emancipated, she was legally poor, so she qualified for education benefits that our parents couldn't afford, and she went away to school in another state. After a year, she moved back to Indiana and went to a state college for lower tuition costs. Worked out well for her, but I could tell it bothered my folks a bit. While it was only on paper, it was still hard on them.

It's kinda like when you hear horror stories about married couple's finances and they have to get a divorce to avoid losing everything. We have friends that had to do that. Husband made a bunch of bad business decisions and ruined them financially. They tried keeping separate finances after that, but somehow he did it again. So they got divorced so the wife could keep the house and have a place to raise their child. He'd still stay there even though he had a different address as a sham apartment somewhere. It was pretty strange. I think they got remarried and re-divorced again, but continue to see each other on the side between other relationships. It's just weird, but that's their deal, not ours, so what the heck. None of my business..... but YIKES! :laughing:

 

[2LaneCruzer]

I can't give you any good advice, as I'm not a professional counselor, but I did sleep on an air mattress at my kid's apartment for the past 4 days (man, my back is tight! :laughing

I think of that song several times a year when I wonder if I spent enough time with my kids, should I have done this, or should I have said that.... I could drive myself nuts with guilt if I let me do it.

As a parent, you do the best you can with the tools you have at the time and that's all you can do. I have talked to my kids about things that maybe I could have done better, or wish I could do over. For the most part, now that they are adults, they are pretty forgiving and also very appreciative for the things we did for them, and the sacrifices we made in our lives to give them a good upbringing. That right there is very satisfying.

That's it in a nutshell. We did the best for our kids that we knew how; tried to give them a stable home life, in a place where they could be safe, with good schools; in a rural area with plenty of space to play and grow. We made a few mistakes, but there's very few things I would do differently. I tried hard to avoid the mistakes I think my folks made.