My best buddy had a slew of sayings, He's gone now, too early at 56yrs and I prolly forgot more than I can remember but.......
If something was hard, like driving a nail into a a hard pc. of wood
That sombtch is harder than woodpecker lips!
Or Harder than a wedding d!ck!
If something (she) was ugly
She'd make a train take a dirt road, or
got beat with an ugly stick, or fell out of the ugly tree. I never understood uglier than a mud fence.
or if she was fat, and was told to haul *****, she'd have to make 2 trips!
If you were to screw up
boy, you could f**k up a free lunch.