hr3
Veteran Member
Steve nailed it,, Offer to fly her there...that way if it's a scam she will back out,,,and the boy should be able to see this,,well maybe,,men in general follow... well you know...
What would you do?
- Thread starter N80
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alchemysa
Veteran Member
Generally a road trip is a great experience but in this case No Way! Does the kid have any idea how far 2000 or 4000 miles really is? He could get tired, emotional, impatient etc. Put him or her on a plane.
OP
N80
Super Member
Thanks for the advice guys. Lots of good thoughts. The parents involved also feel that if they pay the bills then they still have some say in matters. The boy, of course, wants it both ways. He wants the money, the car the tuition and all the freedom.
I think that Moss Road has hit on the big concern. He gets there, he likes what he sees, skips out on college and then, because it was an internet relationship, things go south and there he is.
Anyway, it is my understanding that his parents have offered to communicate with her parents, pay for her to fly to him/them, pay for her hotel, guarantee her safety and allow them a to get to know each other.
It was my advice to the parents that there is no way they should let the boy go out there on his own under those circumstances. I just needed to see if you guys generally agreed.
I agree that he could still do it without their blessing but that they would have to decide how much that was going to cost him in terms of tuition, car, car insurance, cell phone, etc, all of which they provide for him. (He's been pampered). If he was paying his own way, or had a job, or was in the military, etc, it would be totally different.
I think that Moss Road has hit on the big concern. He gets there, he likes what he sees, skips out on college and then, because it was an internet relationship, things go south and there he is.
Anyway, it is my understanding that his parents have offered to communicate with her parents, pay for her to fly to him/them, pay for her hotel, guarantee her safety and allow them a to get to know each other.
It was my advice to the parents that there is no way they should let the boy go out there on his own under those circumstances. I just needed to see if you guys generally agreed.
I agree that he could still do it without their blessing but that they would have to decide how much that was going to cost him in terms of tuition, car, car insurance, cell phone, etc, all of which they provide for him. (He's been pampered). If he was paying his own way, or had a job, or was in the military, etc, it would be totally different.
Dutch445
Elite Member
Yes it is scary,
a couple red flags,
the girl doesn't get along with her parents
the boy has been somewhat sheltered, and is a little withdrawn
it sounds like the parents are trying to carefully
work with the first one, and offer to communicate with
her and her parents, which is a good thing.
if the young man has been somewhat sheltered from
these situations to this point, it could be his first real
crush, and in his eyes love. if he's never dated before,
then it could be a very sketchy situation with this girl
2000 miles away.
if this was a friend of mine and his son, i'd recomment they try
their best to get the girl's parents involved, and even do a little
investigating of her "story". verify high school, college, work history,
just to make sure she really is who she says. I would think his parents
could communicate with her, openly, and get a better idea of how the
girl comes across. maybe in the end, it is still best to have the girl travel, bus or plane trip, on a school break.
it does sound like it has been ongoing, and now that he is in school, maybe he doesn't care for it as much as he thought, especially with his thoughts off
in the distance with her.
good luck to the familes of both
a couple red flags,
the girl doesn't get along with her parents
the boy has been somewhat sheltered, and is a little withdrawn
it sounds like the parents are trying to carefully
work with the first one, and offer to communicate with
her and her parents, which is a good thing.
if the young man has been somewhat sheltered from
these situations to this point, it could be his first real
crush, and in his eyes love. if he's never dated before,
then it could be a very sketchy situation with this girl
2000 miles away.
if this was a friend of mine and his son, i'd recomment they try
their best to get the girl's parents involved, and even do a little
investigating of her "story". verify high school, college, work history,
just to make sure she really is who she says. I would think his parents
could communicate with her, openly, and get a better idea of how the
girl comes across. maybe in the end, it is still best to have the girl travel, bus or plane trip, on a school break.
it does sound like it has been ongoing, and now that he is in school, maybe he doesn't care for it as much as he thought, especially with his thoughts off
in the distance with her.
good luck to the familes of both
EddieWalker
Epic Contributor
Even though 18 is legally an adult, I've found that most people are not mature until about 25. Some take longer and some sooner, but it takes about five years on your own to really get a clue about reality.
I met my wife on the internet and we chated online for months before actually meeting face to face. It wasn't because she lived that far away, but that we were getting to know each other online without any sort of pressure. In my opinion, I really liked gettting to know her better this way then any other method that I've experienced.
There are way too many variables and unknowns to judge or make a call one way or another on the two people involved. Besides their age and my prejudice towards all young people not having a clue, I'm against this because long term relationships have a very high probability of failure.
If it was me, I'd tell him that I couldn't afford to give him the money for the visit. If he wants to go, he's going to have to pay for it himself. If he has a credit card for expenses at school, I'd be sure to restrict his usage of it and tell him thathe is not allowed to use it for travel or vacations. Then tell him that you're all for it and to have a great time!!!
Eddie
I met my wife on the internet and we chated online for months before actually meeting face to face. It wasn't because she lived that far away, but that we were getting to know each other online without any sort of pressure. In my opinion, I really liked gettting to know her better this way then any other method that I've experienced.
There are way too many variables and unknowns to judge or make a call one way or another on the two people involved. Besides their age and my prejudice towards all young people not having a clue, I'm against this because long term relationships have a very high probability of failure.
If it was me, I'd tell him that I couldn't afford to give him the money for the visit. If he wants to go, he's going to have to pay for it himself. If he has a credit card for expenses at school, I'd be sure to restrict his usage of it and tell him thathe is not allowed to use it for travel or vacations. Then tell him that you're all for it and to have a great time!!!
Eddie
hitekcountry
Gold Member
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My thoughts run somewhat parallel with Eddie Walker
Id say OK great you want to stand up and be a man and make a huge decision such as this on your own, fine. Of course a real man capable of making this kind of decision doesn't need his parents to provide him a car or insurance or any of his travel expenses and or support him any more. You're 18 you're now an adult and now you want to take on full responsibility for yourself. That's your choice
If you drop out of college, and stay with this girl then you're going to support yourself and your new girlfriend. If this is what you really want then you should have what you want.
The thing is I would not be kidding. I never bluff on a thing like this. Bluffing won't work.
He wants to be independent, make his own decisions, let him. He thinks he is qualified to make his own life changing decisions, then he must feel he is capable of taking care of himself and living with the consequences.
He needs to understand that Independence and responsibility go together He wants one, he MUST take the other. He is free to choose.
He needs to face reality. He needs to be presented with reality.
He wants to act like a man then treat him like a man and not a child.
Id say OK great you want to stand up and be a man and make a huge decision such as this on your own, fine. Of course a real man capable of making this kind of decision doesn't need his parents to provide him a car or insurance or any of his travel expenses and or support him any more. You're 18 you're now an adult and now you want to take on full responsibility for yourself. That's your choice
If you drop out of college, and stay with this girl then you're going to support yourself and your new girlfriend. If this is what you really want then you should have what you want.
The thing is I would not be kidding. I never bluff on a thing like this. Bluffing won't work.
He wants to be independent, make his own decisions, let him. He thinks he is qualified to make his own life changing decisions, then he must feel he is capable of taking care of himself and living with the consequences.
He needs to understand that Independence and responsibility go together He wants one, he MUST take the other. He is free to choose.
He needs to face reality. He needs to be presented with reality.
He wants to act like a man then treat him like a man and not a child.
tallyho8
Elite Member
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I was going to express my view but hitekcountry said it exactly the way I feel.
Soundguy
Old Timer
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that's probably a good 30-35 highway hours of driveing!
soundguy
soundguy
RedRocker
Veteran Member
My daughter was grown but still pretty young when she decided to work
at a place I didn't approve of. I simply told her that I would cut all financial
ties if she took the job, but she was free to do as she wished. She passed
on the job. I'd offer your son the same deal.
at a place I didn't approve of. I simply told her that I would cut all financial
ties if she took the job, but she was free to do as she wished. She passed
on the job. I'd offer your son the same deal.
Sigarms
Super Member
Interesting, my wife had me take some classes on child rearing, which honestly I didn't think I needed, but I found it both interesting and amazing.
The problem I see with your course of action is for better or worse, this is not how the parents raised the child, and the child, who has now become an adult is now "trained" on how his parents will react. Bottom line, the teen is spoiled, and in more cases than not, the teen has never had to account for his actions if there were negative results to either the teen or family. At this point in time, the teen makes a choice, and that choice is disasterous, and the parents aren't there as they always have been, I'm guessing there will be horrible results for both the teen and the parents (which will be guilt ridden).
When I first took these classes developed by some child shrinks, my first thought was it would be a very "liberal" view on what not to do to children. I was surprised to find out that children need to be held accountable for their actions and the belt (or it's my way or the highway) for negative stimulous is not always the best course of action, and it actually makes some sense.
The problem I see with your course of action is for better or worse, this is not how the parents raised the child, and the child, who has now become an adult is now "trained" on how his parents will react. Bottom line, the teen is spoiled, and in more cases than not, the teen has never had to account for his actions if there were negative results to either the teen or family. At this point in time, the teen makes a choice, and that choice is disasterous, and the parents aren't there as they always have been, I'm guessing there will be horrible results for both the teen and the parents (which will be guilt ridden).
When I first took these classes developed by some child shrinks, my first thought was it would be a very "liberal" view on what not to do to children. I was surprised to find out that children need to be held accountable for their actions and the belt (or it's my way or the highway) for negative stimulous is not always the best course of action, and it actually makes some sense.