What would you do?

[hitekcountry]

Sigarms I agree with all that you said and that it's a little late to "get real" with this kid, it needed to happen a long time ago. The problem is if not now then when? If this girl was only an hours drive away we wouldn't even be having this discussion. But a 2000 mile one way, 4000 mile round trip is serious; H*** the drive alone will probably kill him. And there's no way he gets over there and back in 4 days. He'll need some time to rest and get to know the little lady. Going to miss some classes. Ok I know you can miss a class here and there but miss a class because you're busy doing research or miss classes to do what he's doing are two different things. How much does he understand the value of education?

I don't see this as a "my way or the highway" type of choice. I see it as the parents making it clear to this kid that if he wants a good life for himself and is willing to apply himself to get a good education that they will support him in that effort. If he is not willing to hold up his side of the effort then what more can they do?

 

[arrow]

The parents should discuss what their concerns are with their son. Preluding the discussion with "we do not plan to stop you" but feel uncomfortable with this as nothing like this has ever come up before. They should then state they could feel better about this if their boy would share w/them about what he has planned for contingencies such as accidents or if the girl has emotional problems, or if she uses him for her own means of escape or basically all the what ifs. If the kid realizes he is totally on his own and hears his own voice on what he has not planned for, sometimes that creates enough seeds for him to stop himself. He may also be doing this because he has to prove something to himself which is another conversation. Right now he is love struck and is seeing nothing else. This train has to slow down and by him thinking he is consoling his parents on the move, it may (and "may" is the long shot variable here) cause him to begin to think twice. The key here is to enforce his idea of independence enough for him to realize he may not be ready for the burdens of independence. At this point as a result of how he has been raised, short of ramming his head thru a wall for even thinking this, its the only shot they have in my mind. Getting the girl to him so easily by flying her up opens up an entire different can of worms that could be just as ugly. Now you are guaranteeing a meeting and giving up the long shot of the kid actually coming to some sort of his own sense and creating a different kind of jeopardy. Child rearing is such fun. If it were the "fifties" this would be so much easier. there would just be a hole in the plaster.

 

[Sigarms]

Sigarms I agree with all that you said and that it's a little late to "get real" with this kid, it needed to happen a long time ago. The problem is if not now then when?

I'm in the camp of flying the girl to S.C and try to have at least some control over the situation. One issue though (at least how I see it) is that the parents have always had control and never let the boy face his own actions.

But a 2000 mile one way, 4000 mile round trip is serious; H*** the drive alone will probably kill him. And there's no way he gets over there and back in 4 days. He'll need some time to rest and get to know the little lady.

My money is on the kid thinking that there is a good chance that he's not coming back to SC because this girl "is the one".

If the kid realizes he is totally on his own and hears his own voice on what he has not planned for, sometimes that creates enough seeds for him to stop himself.

I'm guessing the kid isn't only thinking with his brain here.

How much does he understand the value of education?

I'm guessing he has no clue.

Two days ago he texts his parents that over Thanksgiving break he intends to drive two thousand miles to meet a girl who he met on the internet and that he says that he loves.

I'm so out of it in todays "circles" when it comes to technology. A son texts his parents about a major event in his life? What ever happen to a phone call?

If it were the "fifties" this would be so much easier. there would just be a hole in the plaster.

yeah, the 50's, and abortion didn't exist and it was ok to kill someone driving drunk. That's another topic

Worst case in the parents shoes, I'd tell the kid he could go but first he has to earn the money to go. Give up school to work? Fine. I'm guessing the kid is taking his parents for a ride anyway on college and will graduate with average grades and still be looking for a job outside his field of study if he graduates (I love small liberal arts colleges, not exactly what they teach but you do get a BA). Tell the kid the house will be free of rent for a couple of months till the point where the kid can cover his own car insurance, fuel, shelter and other money he may need and then he can go off on his adventure. Let the door open for the kid if he falls on his face, but also let the boy know that if he comes back, some things are going to change and that mommy and daddy aren't going to be covering all of his bills like they have in the past. Time to grow up and realize that that he's blessed for having parents that love him.

What I am curious about is how it was decided that the boy would go to the west coast? I'm guessing (and I could be wrong) that perhaps the girl doesn't have the money and the kid assumes his parents will cover this?

Worst case, slip him a mickey and drive him to Fort Jackson down the road, best case, the girl in question only has looks that a father could love and the boy comes right back home

 

[Skyco]

Bad situation. Her parents may very well object to her flying here for the same reason his parents object to him going there...thats assuming they even know.
Does he even have any proof that this girl is in fact a 20 year old girl and not a 50 year old guy, weird things happen on the net

BTW my wife and I met on match.com. I met quite a few women that way, interesting experience overall, met some face to face once and that was it for either her or me, never met some, dated a few...finally ended up with a good one To me it beat the heck out of the smoky bar scene or whatever others use...we are in our 50's so current dating practices were foreign to both of us. We were both divorced after 25+ year marriages.

But- a guy my boss knew flew to California from SC to meet an online girl, she picked him up at the airport, he went to check in to his hotel while she waited outside, he came back out and she was gone. Guess she didn't like what she saw...

The young guy may be devastated if he gets there and she rejects him...I can't imagine how poor a 2000 mile drive home would be in that case....

 

[EddieWalker]

I have a new thought.

Does this girl really exist? How do we know she's real and not some Nigerian scam? Does she want money for an airline ticket or some other sort of way to cash in? What about personal information that might lead to ID theft?

Maybe it's just as it appears, but there are some people out there who are very good at pretending they are something else to take advantage of others.

Good luck,
Eddie