GPintheMitten
Elite Member
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- Flushing, Michigan
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You don't need our council. Make your own mind up.
Resonsibilty for your step kids?
- Thread starter Retiredguy2
- Start date
- Views: 14665
CurlyDave
Elite Member
A lot of good advice here.
Left me add an observation and then some more advice.
Observation: Education is expensive, but it is usually purchased on the installment plan. You don't have to pay for it all at once. It is done one semester or one quarter at a time, and if the results are not satisfactory, you can stop anywhere along the way.
Advice: I would write it all down, especially since there are 2 of them and they may very well have different outcomes.
I like the idea of 4.0 grades pay 100%, 3.0 pay 75%, 2.0 pay 50%, below that they should pay on their own.
Only buy books, pay tuition, and school expenses. They are old enough that they should be on their own.
You, your wife and the girls need to sit down and agree on a major, living arrangements etc. This is an education to improve their marketable skills, not the growing experience college right out of high school can be.
Set a time limit. What course load is reasonable, and how long will it take for a degree? Have them talk to counselors at the college and then you go in with them and talk. Will their existing courses be accepted toward the degree they want? Sometimes they do not transfer.
Make them work for it. They will not value it unless they have to really sacrifice and work for it.
No loans from you. If you choose to give them money, that is OK. If they have to pay it back it will cause a family rift.
Left me add an observation and then some more advice.
Observation: Education is expensive, but it is usually purchased on the installment plan. You don't have to pay for it all at once. It is done one semester or one quarter at a time, and if the results are not satisfactory, you can stop anywhere along the way.
Advice: I would write it all down, especially since there are 2 of them and they may very well have different outcomes.
I like the idea of 4.0 grades pay 100%, 3.0 pay 75%, 2.0 pay 50%, below that they should pay on their own.
Only buy books, pay tuition, and school expenses. They are old enough that they should be on their own.
You, your wife and the girls need to sit down and agree on a major, living arrangements etc. This is an education to improve their marketable skills, not the growing experience college right out of high school can be.
Set a time limit. What course load is reasonable, and how long will it take for a degree? Have them talk to counselors at the college and then you go in with them and talk. Will their existing courses be accepted toward the degree they want? Sometimes they do not transfer.
Make them work for it. They will not value it unless they have to really sacrifice and work for it.
No loans from you. If you choose to give them money, that is OK. If they have to pay it back it will cause a family rift.
CADplans
Elite Member
I do not care if it is a vacuum cleaner, new tires on the car,, or continuing education,,,
at age 28+,, if you do not pay for it,, you do not appreciate it.
A self paid education will be appreciated more,, and put to use better.
If you want, a year after the new job is started, help pay the loans,,,
no - more - free - lunch!!
at age 28+,, if you do not pay for it,, you do not appreciate it.
A self paid education will be appreciated more,, and put to use better.
If you want, a year after the new job is started, help pay the loans,,,
no - more - free - lunch!!
RSKY
Veteran Member
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Just to make things clearer, and to brag a little bit, both my daughters worked their butts off during school. Oldest had one B during the last semester, her golf coach nearly got in a fight over that when the teacher bragged about giving K--- S--- a B but that is another story. She ended up with a 3.965 average. Youngest had a 4.16 due to AP classes not available to the older.
They both got scholarships and with their state money it paid their way thru college. Both lived at home and the state money paid for their books and even their gas. One had a 3.92 in college, the other a 3.95. That is why my wife and I were able to retire in our late fifties!!!
So when it came time for the youngest to get her MBA, and the oldest to get her National Boards passed guess who paid for all that? We did!
Girls did not ask for help, we volunteered and pushed them to continue. We paid for their tuition and books and testing and whatever they needed. Both had already married and one had a child. They were in their early thirties and late twenties respectively. Now they are making more money and have better positions. Well,...the oldest teaches middle school and I can't imagine anything worse than that but she loves it.
My point is that if a person can do so financially it is OK to help adult children further their education. As a matter of fact we have helped another young lady, who is no kin to us, with some issues even to the point of me representing her at a lawyer's office for a real estate deal. This was after we spent two weeks working 8-10 hour days flipping a house for her. My wife also slipped her a $100 bill every now and then when she was out of work but finishing her MBA. And although no kin she is like a third daughter. Hmmm...maybe like a step child.
Anyway...
Step children from who were already grown and out of the house before the step-dad arrived on the scene.......
This situation has bugged me all night. Are the women, they are not girls, married? If so can their spouse aid them? Do they have children? Are they responsible? Is your wife pressuring you to cough up the money? You are apparently the third spouse, what about the women's natural fathers?
RSKY
They both got scholarships and with their state money it paid their way thru college. Both lived at home and the state money paid for their books and even their gas. One had a 3.92 in college, the other a 3.95. That is why my wife and I were able to retire in our late fifties!!!
So when it came time for the youngest to get her MBA, and the oldest to get her National Boards passed guess who paid for all that? We did!
Girls did not ask for help, we volunteered and pushed them to continue. We paid for their tuition and books and testing and whatever they needed. Both had already married and one had a child. They were in their early thirties and late twenties respectively. Now they are making more money and have better positions. Well,...the oldest teaches middle school and I can't imagine anything worse than that but she loves it.
My point is that if a person can do so financially it is OK to help adult children further their education. As a matter of fact we have helped another young lady, who is no kin to us, with some issues even to the point of me representing her at a lawyer's office for a real estate deal. This was after we spent two weeks working 8-10 hour days flipping a house for her. My wife also slipped her a $100 bill every now and then when she was out of work but finishing her MBA. And although no kin she is like a third daughter. Hmmm...maybe like a step child.
Anyway...
Step children from who were already grown and out of the house before the step-dad arrived on the scene.......
This situation has bugged me all night. Are the women, they are not girls, married? If so can their spouse aid them? Do they have children? Are they responsible? Is your wife pressuring you to cough up the money? You are apparently the third spouse, what about the women's natural fathers?
RSKY
I've got two step daughters that went to college for their Nursing degrees. We did what we could for them, free babysitting (got more time with the grandkids that way) and interest free, low payment loans when they could give us a good reason why they needed it. It took them awhile to repay the money and I'm not complaining about that.
I'm a strong believer in furthering one's education, the wife went back to college in her early 40s and earned her nursing degree, so we always encouraged the two girls and two boys to get more education as long as it was in an area that would help them further along in life. Both boys decided not to, but it was their decision.
But for some reason, they both think the free babysitting is still in effect and since the wife and I like to live our lives, we've had some conflicts with the daughters. One of our grandsons spends more time here than he does at his house, so we've had a lot of discussions with them that while we didn't mind helping them get their education, now it's time for them to use some of the money they make from that education to perhaps save a little of it for babysitters.
Now the youngest girl wants to go back and get an advanced degree in Nursing, and this time the wife and I decided that while it was fine for her do want that, she's going to have to support herself in the effort. Kind of like as the kids grew up and got their drivers license, we told them that we'd help them get their first vehicle, after that, it was up to them.
I'm a strong believer in furthering one's education, the wife went back to college in her early 40s and earned her nursing degree, so we always encouraged the two girls and two boys to get more education as long as it was in an area that would help them further along in life. Both boys decided not to, but it was their decision.
But for some reason, they both think the free babysitting is still in effect and since the wife and I like to live our lives, we've had some conflicts with the daughters. One of our grandsons spends more time here than he does at his house, so we've had a lot of discussions with them that while we didn't mind helping them get their education, now it's time for them to use some of the money they make from that education to perhaps save a little of it for babysitters.
Now the youngest girl wants to go back and get an advanced degree in Nursing, and this time the wife and I decided that while it was fine for her do want that, she's going to have to support herself in the effort. Kind of like as the kids grew up and got their drivers license, we told them that we'd help them get their first vehicle, after that, it was up to them.
jack707
Veteran Member
Here's another way to look at it till I don't know how old you are you maybe you're in your fifties maybe you're in60s college let them go to night school and work for it!!!. Save the money For your retirement there old enough to pay there way.
MF283
Platinum Member
Fossil Farm
Platinum Member
If they are "middling" through work and life with a 2 year degree, what makes them think a 4 year degree would be any better? The person makes the job, not the degree. I have a couple friends, one only a high school graduation and one with a 2 year degree. Both now own or co-own their businesses because of their hard work and people skills. Both are doing very well and did not ask for financial help from any outside sources.
I guess if they want to better themselves and their life's outlook, it is up to them. Even if you have a crappy job, your attitude and willingness to succeed has a lot to do with it. As I was once told a long time ago, the only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions of the hole. If you want to get out of your rut, you had better get your behind in gear. Hope they finally realize it is up to them to push on. If you see them finally starting to work hard and excel, then maybe you could help them out later, but I guess I would hold off for now. Good luck to you and them.
I guess if they want to better themselves and their life's outlook, it is up to them. Even if you have a crappy job, your attitude and willingness to succeed has a lot to do with it. As I was once told a long time ago, the only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions of the hole. If you want to get out of your rut, you had better get your behind in gear. Hope they finally realize it is up to them to push on. If you see them finally starting to work hard and excel, then maybe you could help them out later, but I guess I would hold off for now. Good luck to you and them.
buckeyefarmer
Epic Contributor
I'd buy the new truck instead.
Citydude
Elite Member
I have a daughter that I helped through college by paying her housing. Over four years that added up to $24000.00. I've bought her 3 used cars for a total of about $25000.00. I would have never given her a dime if she didn't have a daughter.