Resonsibilty for your step kids?
- Thread starter Retiredguy2
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Citydude
Elite Member
It's very difficult when grandchildren are in the picture. Necessities aren't black and white and fill a large gray area......
OP
Retiredguy2
Gold Member
I am nearing 66 years old ad have a VERY generous retirement pension. I help my 20-something years old pair of nephews out when I can money wise. Both of the step daughters I want to help are very hard workers and the one with three kids does her (bleep) best to be a great mom and provide what she can, but her situation does not let her work full time because child care would be too expensive. Hey I have been retired since late 2002 and am not predicting being around many years longer, my feelings are that my money is not gonna do a whole lot of good after I croak. But I do appreciate all the advice from you guys.
SARG
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Best idea so far. You'll pay only if they succeed. It will be reasonable to their Mom as well & you'll be the wonderful step Daddy. If they screw off it's on them.
jack707
Veteran Member
I hear ya but don't be a door mat!. Their grown woman and it doesn't matter how many kids she has It's their age if both were in the late teens then it would be a different story. As far as your money goes your right you take it with you but you can spend it wisely not foolishly.
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I guess I'm behind the times... we all worked our way through school... just as my parents did.
Don't get me wrong... we were all welcome to live at home as long as we were full time and making the grade... Grandmother gave my $500 for Christmas my last two years which was totally not expected but much appreciated.
Got my first real job at age 12... made $50 a week in the summer and $20 each week went to the folks for room and board... by the time I got to college they decided room and board was no longer necessary... guess being the oldest comes with some trail and error.
We recently hired two new Registered Nurses... both came from modest backgrounds and both joined the military right after High School and the military made it possible for them to become Nurses... age 26 and 27.
It does seem there are options out there and money well spent is never wasted...
I do like the pay as you go system and offering to meet them halfway is very generous...
Don't get me wrong... we were all welcome to live at home as long as we were full time and making the grade... Grandmother gave my $500 for Christmas my last two years which was totally not expected but much appreciated.
Got my first real job at age 12... made $50 a week in the summer and $20 each week went to the folks for room and board... by the time I got to college they decided room and board was no longer necessary... guess being the oldest comes with some trail and error.
We recently hired two new Registered Nurses... both came from modest backgrounds and both joined the military right after High School and the military made it possible for them to become Nurses... age 26 and 27.
It does seem there are options out there and money well spent is never wasted...
I do like the pay as you go system and offering to meet them halfway is very generous...
Dftodd
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Your stepdaughter''s made conscience decisions to get where they are at with there job and education. And they are adults 
If they aren't happy where they are at, then they need to do something about it!!!! If they want to go back to school, they can get loans and grants. If you want to help them out, then by all means do so. But they don't need hand outs!!
I have three step kids. Daughter is 22 married, owns her own home, and working her way through school. She has 1 year left for her RN license, and then needs to decide if she is gonna go for her APN (Nurse Practitioner). Wife and I occasionally help her out with books. Other then that she handles it herself.
Middle son is 25, and got his training and education through the military. He's a licensed generator mechanic, as well as drone mechanic.
Oldest son 27 is married with two kids, owns his own home, and putting his wife through college.
And before you ask, they got there houses on there own. My wife and I offered advise only in negotiating the process. We won't let any of the kids starve, but other then that, they make there own choices, and dig themselves out of there own holes
If they aren't happy where they are at, then they need to do something about it!!!! If they want to go back to school, they can get loans and grants. If you want to help them out, then by all means do so. But they don't need hand outs!! I have three step kids. Daughter is 22 married, owns her own home, and working her way through school. She has 1 year left for her RN license, and then needs to decide if she is gonna go for her APN (Nurse Practitioner). Wife and I occasionally help her out with books. Other then that she handles it herself.
Middle son is 25, and got his training and education through the military. He's a licensed generator mechanic, as well as drone mechanic.
Oldest son 27 is married with two kids, owns his own home, and putting his wife through college.
And before you ask, they got there houses on there own. My wife and I offered advise only in negotiating the process. We won't let any of the kids starve, but other then that, they make there own choices, and dig themselves out of there own holes
beowulf
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Not having the benefit of all this wisdom, we sort of went with our best judgment at the time and fortunately it worked out. We paid for college with savings and by borrowing. We borrowed some and the two daughters borrowed some. We were OK with this as both had very good grades and were responsible. While in college each - on their own - found jobs - both had several different jobs - some overlapping. There was never a time they were in school that they did not work, including the Summers.
Once they were out of school, they paid their loans, we paid the parent loans. Each one at different times received one of our old subcompact cars - each about 6 years old at the time - which we were phasing out. We explained that we would pay their car insurance and cell phone bills for the first six months, and that they were responsible to maintain the cars. They kept those cars for a very long time - one was sold with 230,000 or so miles on it, and the other one still has hers with about 190,000 miles.
After they were out of college we "seeded" a Vanguard stock account with $500 and told them we would match up to $500 a year for three years if they added to that account. They were not particularly excited or interested. . . until they began to receive quarterly statements showing that those accounts had more than $500 in them. They then started adding money and continue to do so. Each of those $500 seeded accounts now holds about $40,000 plus. And only about $1,000 of that for each was money we provided.
They always knew what to expect, what we would do for them and what they had to do for themselves. It has all worked out. It may not have been the optimum way to manage things but we were very glad to be able to help. When we are helping them out I always think about how there are many kids who have no one, no support, no one to look to when they need to, and, well, that makes me glad that we are there for them. I recognize of course, that those who have no one can equally succeed, learn great lessons on their own and so on, but that will not always be the case.
Both are now married, working, saving, one has a great home, another is looking to buy, and they need nothing from us and ask for nothing. And we have grand kids. I know that a lot of this outcome is luck, but sometimes luck needs a hand too.
Once they were out of school, they paid their loans, we paid the parent loans. Each one at different times received one of our old subcompact cars - each about 6 years old at the time - which we were phasing out. We explained that we would pay their car insurance and cell phone bills for the first six months, and that they were responsible to maintain the cars. They kept those cars for a very long time - one was sold with 230,000 or so miles on it, and the other one still has hers with about 190,000 miles.
After they were out of college we "seeded" a Vanguard stock account with $500 and told them we would match up to $500 a year for three years if they added to that account. They were not particularly excited or interested. . . until they began to receive quarterly statements showing that those accounts had more than $500 in them. They then started adding money and continue to do so. Each of those $500 seeded accounts now holds about $40,000 plus. And only about $1,000 of that for each was money we provided.
They always knew what to expect, what we would do for them and what they had to do for themselves. It has all worked out. It may not have been the optimum way to manage things but we were very glad to be able to help. When we are helping them out I always think about how there are many kids who have no one, no support, no one to look to when they need to, and, well, that makes me glad that we are there for them. I recognize of course, that those who have no one can equally succeed, learn great lessons on their own and so on, but that will not always be the case.
Both are now married, working, saving, one has a great home, another is looking to buy, and they need nothing from us and ask for nothing. And we have grand kids. I know that a lot of this outcome is luck, but sometimes luck needs a hand too.
hturner12
Gold Member
My son was pretty much self made. Myself and ex were both military untill he was in his late teens. When he graduated high school he went Army. He got out had a few different jobs, got his 2 year degree. He is now a senior project manager for a medium size construction company in Tx. He started his bachelor's degree. Asked him one day when he was going to finish it. He reply was 2 fold 1 He does not really need it now has the experience . 2 After the grandkids graduate high school and they are in college. That way he can show them college and work can be done together
RNeumann
Elite Member
What does your new wife get when you pass? Typically you have to select that option before you retire. I'm assuming you retired before you married her so not much if any? Besides the 100k in the 457 what else will she be left with? Debt? House? Other assets? Are you in a position to give a lot of the 100k away for schooling and still provide for you current wife if you pass? The defined benefit pension is tricky that way.....it's not a nest egg or or pile of money that is still there when you are gone.