How not to bushhog !!

[Mart5130]

This guy has you all beat:

We have a 6 ft. Square tube and welded wire fence in the front yard, and last Saturday, when I heard some thieving Punks might be bringing their BS out to the country, I wanted to make sure they ran into a little resistance before meeting my Kimber 9mm, so I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 12.5 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, welded a 1/2 masonry bit to a piece of round rod, and sunk the ground rod 7.5 feet into the limestone. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

On Wednesday my idiot neighbors hired another idiot to trim all their oak trees, yes in June, so now they will all probably die of oak wilt but that’s a whole other story, and one of the limbs came crashing down on top of my fence leaving the main wire down in the yard. So yesterday I'm mowing the yard with my 5 hp Briggs and Stratton push mower. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger so I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

Well my sweet little wife had seen that the fence was unplugged and thought one of the dogs had accidentally done it, so she plugged it back in “for me”....How very thoughtful of her.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.21 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time.......stood........still..........

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and damn lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just **** your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a HEMI turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on ranches so I know all about electric fences ... but Grandpa always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the solid limestone rock. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam engine waiting for the go command from it’s driver’s right foot.

So here I am in the middle of June , 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own front yard , begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still average size yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the bedroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

Yesterday changed my life.

I now have a newfound respect for things.

I appreciate the little things more, and now I will always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if someone does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which will also remind me to triple check before I mow.

Yep- backed my ass up right into my electric fence the other day and screamed like a 4 yr old. Then the wife ran up and said are you ok? And she gets zapped.

 

[beenthere]

This guy has you all beat:

We have a 6 ft. Square tube and welded wire fence in the front yard, and last Saturday, when I heard some thieving Punks might be bringing their BS out to the country, I wanted to make sure they ran into a little resistance before meeting my Kimber 9mm, so I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 12.5 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, welded a 1/2 masonry bit to a piece of round rod, and sunk the ground rod 7.5 feet into the limestone. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

On Wednesday my idiot neighbors hired another idiot to trim all their oak trees, yes in June, so now they will all probably die of oak wilt but that’s a whole other story, and one of the limbs came crashing down on top of my fence leaving the main wire down in the yard. So yesterday I'm mowing the yard with my 5 hp Briggs and Stratton push mower. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger so I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

Well my sweet little wife had seen that the fence was unplugged and thought one of the dogs had accidentally done it, so she plugged it back in “for me”....How very thoughtful of her.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.21 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time.......stood........still..........

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and damn lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just **** your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a HEMI turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on ranches so I know all about electric fences ... but Grandpa always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the solid limestone rock. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam engine waiting for the go command from it’s driver’s right foot.

So here I am in the middle of June , 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own front yard , begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still average size yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the bedroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

Yesterday changed my life.

I now have a newfound respect for things.

I appreciate the little things more, and now I will always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if someone does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which will also remind me to triple check before I mow.

Don't believe a word of it.

 

[deezler]

Don't believe a word of it.

It's a joke, man.... I've seen it several times. Was a good chain email letter thing for many years.

 

[IndyJay]

Yeah, but still...

 

[xunit13]

Im glad to hear that im not the only one who lives under the wrath of Murphy's law. If anything can go wrong, it will

 

[mred2]

On my dozer yesterday. Pushing a lot of trees and brush. limb beside dozer, I had to stop going forward, not enough dozer. Tried to back up and could see limb going into engine. STOPPED before it got to radiator. I did manage to turn and get it out. Pushing on limbs with a lot of pressure may not always be a good thing.

 

[Smokeydog]

I was bush hogging an over grown field with some Mimosas. About 1/2 mile down the road from the farm. Running over some 2-3” weedy trees. One horizontal long limb bent and broke coming back hitting me across the nose and eye brows. Luckily didn’t knock me off the tractor. Looked down steady streams of blood coming down from broken nose. Felt face now numb to make sure eyeball weren’t hanging out. Needed to get help fast so put the tractor in high gear and headed for home. Passed a few cars on the way home with drivers with scared looks. White T shirt now soaked with blood. Face and neck covered with wind blown streaks. One eye now swollen closed. Got home and scared myself to look in the mirror. Luckily most the bleeding had stopped. Clean up the worst, changed shirts and woke my wife up sleeping from working the night shift to take me to the hospital. You know you messed up pretty good when you get immediate attention from the emergency room staff.
Had to surgically set nose the next day. A few stitches above the eye. Jet black and blue face for awhile.

6 or 4 post ROPS on tractors from then on and more careful. Spend lot more time clearing low limbs from around the fields and pastures.

 

[RSKY]

I have pushed over many trees bigger than the one that got me Saturday. Usually if the tractor will push it over the hog will chew it up. Operated that way for years and finally tore the gearbox up in the old Ford mower last fall. It was 45+ years old and had been used hard.

The sapling that got me was standing tall stripped of bark and leaves. It was standing alone in the field after popping up after being pushed over I guess by the rear tire on the previous round. It was just short enough to spring out from the front axle before the rear tire caught it and just long enough to catch me in the face.

I looked today at the loader mount holes and I think a very long 3/4" bolt would fit there and keep that from happening again. Tree would hit them a foot or so before they hit operator (me)!

Today I crept over the ruts left by my brother in laws IH 1206 with duals left last year when he got stuck. My sister came and made sure she pointed out exactly where they were located at the edge of a field near a tree line. She forgot to point out the ruts the tandem axle wrecker left in the middle of that same field. I found them wide open in 4th gear. About seven mph. Turned the tractor 45 degree to the right with the steering wheel not being turned. Scared the he11 out of me.

I am getting too old for this sheet. Or maybe I just notice the stupid things I do now that I'm older and (supposedly) wiser.

On a positive note I only got the front wheels off the ground once going up a steep bank AND I chased a copperhead across a field, dropped the hog down on the ground, and chewed him up. I let black racers get away but always chase the poison ones.

RSKY

 

[dodge man]

Through my work as a land surveyor I have injured my eyes on 3 different times. Once I got a piece of bentonite in my eye that wouldn’t wash out, the other two times getting poked in the eye by a tree branch. It’s no fun, luckily for me no serious damage.

 

[CADplans]

Back in the early 1950's, my BIL was clearing land with a CAT D4,,
This was before ROPS,, he was about 45 years old at the time.
A branch sprung off the blade, and hit him,,
When he realized what had happened, he spit out a BUNCH of teeth.
He got to live the rest of his life with a dental partial plate.

He used to spit that thing out and scare all of his grandchildren,,,

They welded a make-shift DIY ROPS on that dozer before it was operated again.
When they bought the Allis Chalmers HD-10, the first thing they did was add a ROPS,,,