Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[Sigarms]

No surprise, its more complicated than simply moving them. There doc's are there and so are friends plus its a all day drive to here.. We'll keep you posted.

When my dad lived 8 hours away from us and fractured his back at age 86, he was still certain he could live by himself in our family home where he and my mom lived (mom since passed).

A good friend stopped by to see him, and that fried called me to tell me that my dad was in pain and I needed to get involved because he wasn't doing too well even though he wouldn't tell me anything.

Funny how kids will never tell you how they're feeling, neither will older parents.

 

[2manyrocks]

All day travel is pretty far to go check on an elderly parent. Absent special medical needs, doctors can be replaced. What do parents want most, their friends or their children at this stage of their life?

 

[riptides]

All day travel is pretty far to go check on an elderly parent. Absent special medical needs, doctors can be replaced. What do parents want most, their friends or their children at this stage of their life?

My in-laws are stuck on their stuff, they think they can handle life like they did 20/30 years ago. They do not see the ramification of their actions or decisions.

 

[kenmbz]

My dad is in rehab now, he goes in/out of coherency.
He can't walk or use his arms.
He is in California, My Brother and I in the North east.
My brother was down there for the week and tried to help where he could.
The biggest obstacle is his GF, she fights us on everything.
Not much we can do. I will be down there in a month, if he is still around.

 

[ArlyA]

Family fighting can be the worst thing on the planet when kids or parents become ill. My dad passed in the fall after a long decent and I couldn't talk to my three sister about it, at all as he became more and more ill. My spouse and her brother have been doing great so far.......

 

[ultrarunner]

All day travel is pretty far to go check on an elderly parent. Absent special medical needs, doctors can be replaced. What do parents want most, their friends or their children at this stage of their life?

The pandemic short changed many elderly…

 

[ultrarunner]

My dad is in rehab now, he goes in/out of coherency.
He can't walk or use his arms.
He is in California, My Brother and I in the North east.
My brother was down there for the week and tried to help where he could.
The biggest obstacle is his GF, she fights us on everything.
Not much we can do. I will be down there in a month, if he is still around.

What part of CA?

My friend ran into similar with the longtime girlfriend of his father…

In the end they just let it all go… the distance and dad was very unhappy if girlfriend unhappy.

 

[ultrarunner]

Some might rightfully think I’m foolish but over the course of a year I reached agreement with my siblings…

Everyone is still talking as we have other joint interests.

The solution was really very simple… they wanted cash but coming up with a value for moms place was the hard part as the appraisal was rejected… it’s actually worth less now than it was a year ago… they wanted a sale because selling is the ONLY way to know true value.

I had to go 10% over appraisal and agree not to ask for any help executing the estate covering both the business expenses and labor of clearing and cleaning and distributing.

Several at TBN reached out with words of wisdom which I truly appreciate…

I had hoped to have things wrapped up in a year but it’s more like 15 months.

 

[California]

Everyone is still talking as we have other joint interests.

Congratulations on getting this resolved without permanently dividing the siblings! Money well spent.

 

[kenmbz]

What part of CA?

My friend ran into similar with the longtime girlfriend of his father…

In the end they just let it all go… the distance and dad was very unhappy if girlfriend unhappy.

We just want to help and don't expect anything. They are down towards San Diego.
She has told us she will handle it all and does not want us to help.
He will need to either leave rehab for somewhere, or some money will be needed to keep him in rehab.