ustmd
Platinum Member
This is from "The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog" (The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog | Given the choice between a cube dweller and a tractor. Talk to the tractor.)
I thought you would all get a kick out of it.
Note: His language is adult.
1.You have much less money than you think.
2.Don't quit your day job. See #1.
3.Baby skunks are the sweetest cutest little fluffballs you've ever seen. Shoot them; in the head.
4.Every redneck with a spare acre of overgrazed farmland will put a cow on it. If you automatically buy a cow, you may be a redneck. If you ponder the best use of your pasture you may be on the path to homesteading. If you buy a llama you are doomed.
5.If deer eat your garden; eat the deer. Humanity evolved to be a bad ***. Rise to the occasion.
6.Hippies, God bless them, become a lot more realistic after raccoons kill their chickens and the pipes freeze.
7.Squirrels, birds, snakes, and other woodland creatures enjoy ruining your plans. It is your job to demonstrate your superior position on the evolutionary ladder. After a while they'lllearn that you are not nature's ***** and back off. Unless you are; in which case they'll take over your house and party like the Green Bay Packers on acid.
8.Get this month's copy of Mother Earth News. Then burn it.
9.Jackie Clay is smarter than you.
10.Tools, chainsaws, buckets, mauls you need a whole lotta **** to reduce materialism. Go figure.
11.The closer you are to carbon neutral the more ridiculous the concept will seem.
12.If you need to consult with zoning rules before buying a chicken move.
13.Debt will beat your *** like a tambourine. You have been warned.
14.There is a vast gulf between the critter you are raising in a barn and dinner on a plate. Cross it.
15.When all else fails and you think there's no hope; swallow your pride, drive to town, and eat at the diner.
16.It is entirely possible to know six languages and have mastered advanced particle physics yet screw up planting an apple tree.
17.Pay attention to geezers. A lot of old people know their ****.
18.A lawn is not landscaping. It is a flexible use storage facility and a defensive perimeter between you and nature.
19.Ideally a dog should be roughly the size (and possibly the intelligence) of an eight cylinder engine block.
20.It is entirely possible to spend two grand making a gallon of maple syrup that you'll sell for $60. Do not try to explain the logic of this to your accountant.
21.You have an accountant? Well lah de dah! I suppose you've got a butler too?
22.If you find a real mechanic treat him well. Ladies, you may want to consider marrying him. The rest of us are trying to swim against the tide of a disposable society and it sucks. We want your mechanic's number.
23.You may find yourself daydreaming of backhoes and fences when you used to dream about yachts and Lamborghinis.
24.It is said that the average person can go only three days without outside resources like grocery stores. You will soon realize that the average person can't read this sentence without a support team.
25.If your doctor says that homesteading is not exercise, punch him with the flabby unused muscles you developed lifting 100 pound bags of feed.
26.Flannel sheets are worth it. Lumberjack plaid goes with everything. Denim jeans aren't officially worn out until the third round of patches.
27.Keep a jackknife in your pocket.
I thought you would all get a kick out of it.
Note: His language is adult.
1.You have much less money than you think.
2.Don't quit your day job. See #1.
3.Baby skunks are the sweetest cutest little fluffballs you've ever seen. Shoot them; in the head.
4.Every redneck with a spare acre of overgrazed farmland will put a cow on it. If you automatically buy a cow, you may be a redneck. If you ponder the best use of your pasture you may be on the path to homesteading. If you buy a llama you are doomed.
5.If deer eat your garden; eat the deer. Humanity evolved to be a bad ***. Rise to the occasion.
6.Hippies, God bless them, become a lot more realistic after raccoons kill their chickens and the pipes freeze.
7.Squirrels, birds, snakes, and other woodland creatures enjoy ruining your plans. It is your job to demonstrate your superior position on the evolutionary ladder. After a while they'lllearn that you are not nature's ***** and back off. Unless you are; in which case they'll take over your house and party like the Green Bay Packers on acid.
8.Get this month's copy of Mother Earth News. Then burn it.
9.Jackie Clay is smarter than you.
10.Tools, chainsaws, buckets, mauls you need a whole lotta **** to reduce materialism. Go figure.
11.The closer you are to carbon neutral the more ridiculous the concept will seem.
12.If you need to consult with zoning rules before buying a chicken move.
13.Debt will beat your *** like a tambourine. You have been warned.
14.There is a vast gulf between the critter you are raising in a barn and dinner on a plate. Cross it.
15.When all else fails and you think there's no hope; swallow your pride, drive to town, and eat at the diner.
16.It is entirely possible to know six languages and have mastered advanced particle physics yet screw up planting an apple tree.
17.Pay attention to geezers. A lot of old people know their ****.
18.A lawn is not landscaping. It is a flexible use storage facility and a defensive perimeter between you and nature.
19.Ideally a dog should be roughly the size (and possibly the intelligence) of an eight cylinder engine block.
20.It is entirely possible to spend two grand making a gallon of maple syrup that you'll sell for $60. Do not try to explain the logic of this to your accountant.
21.You have an accountant? Well lah de dah! I suppose you've got a butler too?
22.If you find a real mechanic treat him well. Ladies, you may want to consider marrying him. The rest of us are trying to swim against the tide of a disposable society and it sucks. We want your mechanic's number.
23.You may find yourself daydreaming of backhoes and fences when you used to dream about yachts and Lamborghinis.
24.It is said that the average person can go only three days without outside resources like grocery stores. You will soon realize that the average person can't read this sentence without a support team.
25.If your doctor says that homesteading is not exercise, punch him with the flabby unused muscles you developed lifting 100 pound bags of feed.
26.Flannel sheets are worth it. Lumberjack plaid goes with everything. Denim jeans aren't officially worn out until the third round of patches.
27.Keep a jackknife in your pocket.
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