Are my parents to strict?

[Cub124]

Well, don't talk about it with your parents, that would be a conversation that is pointless and will not end well. Bide your time, set your goals, and when you can--just do it, skip the talk. Be polite, send birthday, etc., cards, but be true to yourself and get on with your life.

In one sense, your Mom is correct, YOUR life is at stake. If you aren't relating/committing to the religious aspects of your family's life, then you will not be happy living a lie pretending that you do. It is only going to get worse. What happens if Mom doesn't approve of the girl you fall in love with? Will you marry an "approved" wife and wonder the rest of your life about what may have been? Or, wonder if you really should have joined the Air Force?

I don't like to criticize perfect strangers, but to answer your initial question, "Are my parents too strict?", if you can't visit a family-oriented tractor forum and openly share/discuss that with your parents at age 17, then yes, your parents are a bit "out there."

I really think you would benefit from some counseling from a professional, it could be helpful in allowing you to sort your feelings out a bit. Maybe there are resources you could find in your community? You should have access to services at your local public school, even though you are home schooling.

I would send birthday cards and stuff but they don't celebrate birthdays or holidays. They've never let me celebrate one. My moms not going to approve of the girl that I've fallen in love with. It'll take some time for my mom to accept her.

 

[MossRoad]

Thank you. Yeah, I guess I just want it so bad I don't want to wait. I've always kinda had a problem with being patient. Plus being a young adult makes things seem far off when really there not.

Yeah, when I was your age I thought the year 2000 was far away... that was 1978! :laughing:

 

[Cub124]

Yeah, when I was your age I thought the year 2000 was far away... that was 1978! :laughing:

Haha!

 

[Pops15]

You are exactly right. That's why I'm scared about talking to my parents. It's either their religion or no family and support at all. My parents are so into the JW faith that they think that if I leave the faith that I will die. My mom has told me time and time again that my life depends on it. I personally believe I will be fine away from their religion once I get on my feet and be able to start my own life. Then I will start trying to rebuild my relationship with my parents, but that won't be able to happen until after I have left. I respect that as long as I live in their house I have to go to church, but since I'm 18 I do believe what I do outside of church should be somewhat up to me. I'm not going to go wild or anything. I just want to be able to get a job and have the freedom to call up a friend (that doesn't go to their church) every once in a while and grab something to eat or hangout.

I wouldn't have replied if you weren't 18. As others have said, their house, their rules. Comply as best you can while planning your future. It sounds like you've made up your mind about not following your parents religion. I'm not that familiar with their religion. If it's true that if you don't follow their religion that your family won't be involved in your life or support you, there is no use talking to them about your plans for living outside their home. Good idea waiting until you graduate to talk to them about it. When the time comes I suggest a quick informative talk then quickly (immediately) make your move. When I say informative talk I mean have them sit down, tell them what you're going to do (not what you plan to do), tell them you love them, tell them you will be in touch soon, then walk out. Don't get into a debate. Don't argue. Don't tell them they drove you to leaving. Just tell them what you're going to do. Then do it!
Use the time until you graduate to formulate your plans. Whether you join the military, go to college or move in with friends, you need to hit the ground running.
You also need to prepare yourself mentally. It sounds like the family will cut off communication with you. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to keep the lines of communication open. Send b-day cards, call, etc. If they don't respond it's on them. Move on with your life.
Stay determined. Never look back. Look forward. Keep your goal in mind. You'll find there are allot of temptations out there that your parents have insulated you from. Resist the urge to rebel with your new found freedom. Make good life choices. Associate with good people. Stay away from those that will be a bad influence.
Good luck and God Bless.

 

[Pops15]

Yeah, when I was your age I thought the year 2000 was far away... that was 1978! :laughing:

When I was his age it was 1977 and the year 2000 was so far away I never thought about it!

That young man is in a tough situation. It's a big deal for most his age just moving out or going to college. He's facing losing the support of his family.

 

[dave1949]

I see you are not alone. Google "ex-jehovah's witness" and you can find many similar sites. Perhaps there is something to be shared and/or learned at some of those. I would turn your bogo-meter up to "max sensitivity" while checking out these sorts of sites.

Ex-Jehovah's Witness Forum and Recovery Site Forums
Ex-Jehovah's Witness Meetup Groups - Ex-Jehovah's Witness Meetups
Ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses Support Group | Evidence Ministries

 

[dmccarty]

You are exactly right. That's why I'm scared about talking to my parents. It's either their religion or no family and support at all. My parents are so into the JW faith that they think that if I leave the faith that I will die. My mom has told me time and time again that my life depends on it. I personally believe I will be fine away from their religion once I get on my feet and be able to start my own life. Then I will start trying to rebuild my relationship with my parents, but that won't be able to happen until after I have left. I respect that as long as I live in their house I have to go to church,

Realizing that your turning from their church will cause a rift with your parents is very important. A question you have to ask, and try to guess at the answer, is would it be better to talk to your parents about having them loosen the reigns a bit now that you are 18 or is it better to not ask. Only you can decide what to do but think it through carefully.

...
but since I'm 18 I do believe what I do outside of church should be somewhat up to me. I'm not going to go wild or anything. I just want to be able to get a job and have the freedom to call up a friend (that doesn't go to their church) every once in a while and grab something to eat or hangout.

These are certainly reasonable things for you to do but realize that not all teenagers are allowed to do these things and being a JW has nothing to do with it. I knew kids growing up that could not date, could not socialize without a parent, nor could they hold a job. They were not JW either. Once they got into their late teens the restrictions were lifted somewhat. Parents put restrictions on kids for a variety of reasons not always religious. At 18 you should be able to do what you have listed as far as I am concerned but I ain't your parents.

Your problem is simple. You are 18, a legal adult, dependent on your parents, yet not liking their rules, and wanting to have some freedom. Nothing wrong with that at all, and from what you have said, I think your parents are too restrictive. The solution to your problem is not simple. Since you do not have a means to support yourself you have to accept your parents rules or find a means to support yourself. Joining the USAF will allow you to escape your situation but will the AF really help you reach the goals you have set for yourself? Or should you suck it up for a couple of years and get the training and certifications you have lined up? The third choice is to talk with your parents, but you seem to think that could be a problem, and it may be depending on how you approach the conversation. Those are NOT easy decisions, but being an adult means having to make hard decisions, and living with the results.

Can you approach you parents and ask about getting a job now that you are 18? I don't think you should ask them all at once

to get a job and have the freedom to call up a friend (that doesn't go to their church) every once in a while and grab something to eat or hangout.

What you are requesting is more than reasonable, but from a negotiation standpoint, start with the most reasonable request.

If you cannot talk to them about this situation, then you are back to living with the situation until you get your certifications or joining the USAF. Those are the two options you have outlined.

...That's why I'm scared about talking to my parents....

The word "scared" and "talking" can have many meanings. If you cannot talk to your parents, can you write out what you wish to do, and why, instead of talking? You are very articulate in writing, and I think you could make an excellent case for getting a job. A note is less confrontational and provides TIME for YOU to put down all of your arguments in defense of your position and provides TIME for them to absorb what you said before THEY respond. Having these types of conversations can be stressful, which can lead to things being said, that should not be said, and things that should be said, being left unsaid. Writing them out can make things a bit easier.

Stand back a bit, and realize that what you are dealing with is a PITA, but not the end of the world. What you are doing is prepping your way to be an adult and you have a good plan. You are MUCH farther along than most 18 year olds. You have outlined a couple of different solutions to your problem. Both are reasonable but maybe not perfect. Life ain't perfect. At least your parents DO care about you. I have known plenty of kids whose parents have not given a rats behind about their kids.

Later,
Dan

 

[schweizer]

I really think you would benefit from some counseling from a professional, it could be helpful in allowing you to sort your feelings out a bit. Maybe there are resources you could find in your community? You should have access to services at your local public school, even though you are home schooling.

I've thought of that, too, but how can he talk to anyone if his dad won't let him even go to the fire station by himself?

 

[wcampbell47]

Yeah, when I was your age I thought the year 2000 was far away... that was 1978! :laughing:

I was 17 in 1964 .. my mind could not comprehend the year 2000, that I would be 53 years old in 2000. As I look back I wonder where did my Senior year go? Where have the years gone? OMG my grand daughter is 14!!

The time is going to pass way faster than you think !!!

 

[Cub124]

I see you are not alone. Google "ex-jehovah's witness" and you can find many similar sites. Perhaps there is something to be shared and/or learned at some of those. I would turn your bogo-meter up to "max sensitivity" while checking out these sorts of sites.

Ex-Jehovah's Witness Forum and Recovery Site Forums
Ex-Jehovah's Witness Meetup Groups - Ex-Jehovah's Witness Meetups
Ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses Support Group | Evidence Ministries

I've posted a few times on them, but I've never felt at home there like I have being on TBN.