Samandothers
Gold Member
Prayers for you. Many here have/will give moral support. Great suppurt here.
COMPLETELY LOST!! 2010 doesn't look good
- Thread starter rutwad
- Start date
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Piperflyer
Gold Member
Take care of your mom & dad right now, they are the most important part of your life now. There will be other women who will come into your life later. You didn't mention any children, so feel fortunate that this hasn't caused any problems there. It's a tough road your on now, but guarantee things will get better for you. Just take it day by day and don't do anything stupid. Been there done it.
'Bota Fan
Silver Member
Bless your heart. Our prayers for you have already been uttered. We'll do so again. As another has already said, tell your parents sooner than later. You can't keep them from going through the forthcoming pain, regardless of their other issues. Just remember, you're not the principal source of their pain.
Keep posting, whether it's here or with someone you can trust.
Keep posting, whether it's here or with someone you can trust.
MarkV
Super Member
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Terrible time of year to have to face what was most likely long in the making. I've been there and know it is hard. My best advice is get legal advice as soon as you can. It is a difficult time to make lasting decisions without an uninvolved person guiding you.
MarkV
MarkV
RollTideRam
Veteran Member
2009 was not the best year for me. I left my home church after 30 years when there was a split.I am now part of a new church that is seeking to build because we are growing. A few months later I lost my job after 15 years. In this terrible job market, God gave me a new job at a new plant. I took a good pay cut and am starting over, but I have a job. The week before Thanksgiving I lost my Dad. He was also my neighbor and my friend. I am still struggling with that loss, but I know God is with me. Through the years,(I'm 42) I have learned that everything we go through in life can bring us closer to God if we let it. I will keep you in my prayers. JC
blueriver
Elite Member
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YOU ARE NUMBER ONE ... take care of yourself .... FIRST!!
RickO
Silver Member
Rutwad,
Man I'm very sad to hear this has happened to you. I agree with the advise these guys gave and it sounds like they all speak from experience and so do I.
However there is one step you MUST do before following all of the good advice. Maybe you have already but I'll risk saying it again because it is so important - PURSUE HER!
Don't give up too easily on someone who is "everything" to you. Not saying to lose your dignity or get yourself into trouble but you, knowing your wife better than anyone, should know where to start with your pursute.
If you don't know where to start here are a couple of steps.
1. Go buy the book by John Eldridge called "Wild at Heart" and read Chapter 10. It will take about 2 hours to read that chapter. Probably any christian book store will have it.
2. Ask yourself what you think she was needing from you that she wasn't getting. Most women want to be affirmed, pursued and told they are beautiful, feel valued and appreciated by their man. Bear in mind, I'm not saying it was all your fault or even mostly your fault - simply saying all you can do is what falls in your court. This will require a lot of humility and selflessness on your part.
3. Keep pursuing here unconditionally for a while - could be she will need to see this from you for a while.
4. In the mean time, read the rest of the "Wild at heart" book. Could be that you have some wounds you need to deal with yourself. According to Eldridge every man has wounds, some worse than others - I believe that!
5. Go get counceling, NOW! for yourself at least, and if you can get her to go too, better yet. Even if you don't get her back the councelor can possibly help you cope.
6. After you have done what you believe she is worth, in terms of pursute - follow the advice of the guys here and put her out of your mind and move on. You will have to do a certain amount of moving on even during the pursuit just to maintain your ability to function. You also don't want to be or appear too desperate.
Sorry for the long reply... and I am not a councelor but I have recently had to learn to start doing these things myself. My marriage was really taking a turn for the worse a year or so ago, my wife having anxiety attacks, and depressed and we were growing apart.
... hang in there and add me to the list of guys who are praying for you and your wife!
Man I'm very sad to hear this has happened to you. I agree with the advise these guys gave and it sounds like they all speak from experience and so do I.
However there is one step you MUST do before following all of the good advice. Maybe you have already but I'll risk saying it again because it is so important - PURSUE HER!
Don't give up too easily on someone who is "everything" to you. Not saying to lose your dignity or get yourself into trouble but you, knowing your wife better than anyone, should know where to start with your pursute.
If you don't know where to start here are a couple of steps.
1. Go buy the book by John Eldridge called "Wild at Heart" and read Chapter 10. It will take about 2 hours to read that chapter. Probably any christian book store will have it.
2. Ask yourself what you think she was needing from you that she wasn't getting. Most women want to be affirmed, pursued and told they are beautiful, feel valued and appreciated by their man. Bear in mind, I'm not saying it was all your fault or even mostly your fault - simply saying all you can do is what falls in your court. This will require a lot of humility and selflessness on your part.
3. Keep pursuing here unconditionally for a while - could be she will need to see this from you for a while.
4. In the mean time, read the rest of the "Wild at heart" book. Could be that you have some wounds you need to deal with yourself. According to Eldridge every man has wounds, some worse than others - I believe that!
5. Go get counceling, NOW! for yourself at least, and if you can get her to go too, better yet. Even if you don't get her back the councelor can possibly help you cope.
6. After you have done what you believe she is worth, in terms of pursute - follow the advice of the guys here and put her out of your mind and move on. You will have to do a certain amount of moving on even during the pursuit just to maintain your ability to function. You also don't want to be or appear too desperate.
Sorry for the long reply... and I am not a councelor but I have recently had to learn to start doing these things myself. My marriage was really taking a turn for the worse a year or so ago, my wife having anxiety attacks, and depressed and we were growing apart.
... hang in there and add me to the list of guys who are praying for you and your wife!
OP
rutwad
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So many thanks to all. I spent all day wondering if I should persue her, or sit and wait hoping she would come back. Since she had it in her mind to leave, I was scared that persuing her may push her further away. By last night I figured I had nothing to lose since she was already gone. I went to my M-I-L's house where she was. About the only thing that came out of that was me realizing that she had already decided we were over. Hoping she would return home with me, but realizing she is probably gone forever. It's just so hard for me to have to turn my back on someone I love so much.
I will try to ease back into "busy work", but right now I don't see much reason for it or anything else. So many unanwered questions.
I came here for a good word, and thanks for all the support. I'm too broke up to actually talk to someone about it. I know that I need to tell my parents, but it's so much easier to send them an email (stupid, I know). But my parents are facing enough problems without knowing that I have failed at one of life's greatest opportunities. Plus seeing me break-down cannot be healty for them. I just feel that they are going through enough emotionally without something more to worry about.
I will try to ease back into "busy work", but right now I don't see much reason for it or anything else. So many unanwered questions.
I came here for a good word, and thanks for all the support. I'm too broke up to actually talk to someone about it. I know that I need to tell my parents, but it's so much easier to send them an email (stupid, I know). But my parents are facing enough problems without knowing that I have failed at one of life's greatest opportunities. Plus seeing me break-down cannot be healty for them. I just feel that they are going through enough emotionally without something more to worry about.
rockinmywaypa
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tomorrow morning find a counseler in the phone book and go talk to them, they are professionals at handling people's feelings, I don't know where you work but your employer may have a program set up to pay for it, I was lucky that way and they really helped. today get your self to your parents and talk to them in person, they've seen you upset before, don't send them an e-mail, that's a lousy way of telling them. You haven't said a word yet about kids so I'll assume you don't have any, Thank goodness you don't have the added grief of having to fight to see them. Try to stay as pleasant as you can with your ex but it sounds like maybe this has been brewing for awhile and granted nothing like this happens overnight, Take a look at your finances, figure out what each brought in and what each will take away, start today gathering reciepts or any pertinant information to support your claim. Good luck and you'll feel good again sometime, maybe even sooner than you think.
arrow
Super Member
Rutwad, the dust is flying right now and you are correct that your parents do not need this knowledge presently. They'll find out in good time which unfortunately will be sooner than you'd like. As I and no one else has the particulars of why this marriage failed, advice is like blowing in the wind as to how to absolve this all I know is that you are going thru a figurative amputation with no less the shock of seeing yourself losing a physical appendage.
I think you are correct that pursuing this would be for naught right now and without the particulars that are totally your business, the pursuer presently is not much different than the person that was fleed from. You will go thru a metamorphosis, perhaps that change will bring new meaning into your life. It is just agonizing that we cannot put time into fast forward when life dumps on you. My prayers that you find near comfort.