COMPLETELY LOST!! 2010 doesn't look good

[CurlyDave]

Be thankful that it happened now.

You were putting everything you had into your relationship, and she has been planning to leave for a while and hiding it from you. You do not need that kind of a drag on your life.

Keep busy, keep going, and you will get over it. She was not the person you thought she was. You will find a better one some time in the future.

The practical aspect of this is lawyer now, and start protecting your assets. From the second she walked out, everything you make is yours alone. Get a new bank account, new locks on the doors, etc.

 

[JB4310]

Rutwad,
As has been said "time"
When I was going through a similar situation a trusted friend told me "time heals all wounds" as simple as that sounds, it's so true.
It didn't mean or help much at the time he told me but it proved itself in "time"

This site is really amazing, if you asked a question about your tractor you wouldn't get this response.
We care more about the individual than his equipment, and that's how it should be

You've already passed the first hurdle in asking for help, It would be overwhelming if you just let it pent up inside.
I can only hope I would have the courage to ask for help if needed.

Good Luck, JB.

 

[dex3361]

Great advice

 

[AlanB]

Man, that is tough. I have no advice to give other then to follow what the guys on here are giving you, one of the wonderful things about this board is it is easy to get sound advice from folks with similar values and goals to yours.

Wishing you the best and keep your eye on the distant future, not the immediate problems.

Al B

 

[IH3444]

This has happened to a few buddies of mine, especially right after a holiday event, such as Christmas, or right after the wife's birthday. My one buddy told me his wife told him she wanted to see what he gave her on her BD before making the final decison.....how's that for true love

One told me that he was on business travel, had just spoke with his wife. She was telling him how much she loved and missed him. He got home the next day from travel....she was gone, and had sanitized the house of her stuff. He was so upset, he called me, and I was on business travel at the time. I talked him down from the "tower". "Don't jump, life's worth living, think of your dog, your toys, and especially your tractor. They need you. Be there for them".

"Love, fresh as a morning breeze, love tender and here to please"

I think some famous singer sung that, may have been Anne Murray.

Time will heal all, and life will look better after some has passed.

 

[tugboat-2]

Some extremely good advice on the past few pages of your thread! I will not add much to it,...except to say: GO SLOW,...do NOT make any rash decisions that you may regret later.

I do very much agree to changing the locks and closing your bank account NOW before you find it empty. I very much agree with a councillor for needed advice and just to help you get hold of yourself for the moment.

If she has been "secretly" planning this rotten move,....then as much as you love her and for whatever the future may or may not bring,....for the moment, you absolutely cannot trust her!!!

Read your thread over a few times, some great advice there,..but GO SLOW!

My prayers are with you also.
. . tug

 

[Robert_in_NY]

I was never married but was engaged. I was done remodeling my house from the bottom to the top and everything was new and was set up for my fiance and our family (she had a 4 year old son and we also had a 3 month old daughter). We just started moving into the house and things fell apart. I know why it happened and it really had more to do with other people manipulating our life that led to us breaking up. For some reason I don't let myself get too attached to women anymore and really wasn't too upset about it but what tore me up was the uncertainty about when or if I would be allowed to see my daughter. Luckily things were civil for the most part and in the end I have my daughter 24/7. But not knowing when I would see her at the beginning kept me from eating or sleeping. I lost a lot of weight and like Eddie I buried myself in work to help keep my mind off of the things that I couldn't control.

Never look back and never try to figure out who to blame. Just accept the fact this is the hand you were dealt and move forward. Do what you can to cope at the beginning and work generally is the best way to do that. You make more money and don't get yourself into trouble. And don't worry about looking for someone to start dating right away, eventually someone will walk into your life when you least expect it and when that happens don't be shy as you may miss out on something great.

I wish you the best and I know how you feel about telling your parents but they will find out eventually. Don't hold out hope she will come back as even if she does there is no gaurantee things will be the same or even work out. You don't need to tell every one about your problems locally but you can tell the people you are close to as they will be there to help you if you need it. Take care and keep looking forward and you will be fine.

 

[rutwad]

I am overwhelmed by the responses. Somehow it does seem to help. Thank you so much.

I have planned to talk to a professional. I plan to call first thing tomorrow. I too planned to go to the bank and have her removed from my account. I maybe too naive (sp?), but I have no concerns about changing the locks or hiring an attorney.

I still hope she will come home. Guys, life is no fun alone. She was my best friend. I honestly do not think I would feel this bad had she died. That may sound stupid, but I hurt immensely.

People have asked if they can do anything for me. It's a nice gesture and I would love for help, but unless they can bring my wife back or offer me time warp to shorten my pain then I can't imagine anything that would help.

No children involved, thankfully. I guess I now need to leave her alone. She knows how I feel and that my door is open to her. Nothing I can do or say can make her come back.

And I blame myself. She was everything to me. But obviously I was not giving her what she needed.

Thanks so much for the replies. I honestly hardly ever ask anyone for anything, and I was hesitant to start this thread. I was hoping prayers would help me. But reading the response from you guys has been great as well. So much more than I expected.

And for those reading this that have never been in a similiar situation, there is truth in Alan Jackson's song "if you ain't loving, you ain't living" but it's much deeper. I realize now that a person can have everything in the world, yet still have nothing. All the material things, money, house, vacations, daily activities all mean nothing when you are alone. No one to share an experience with, the excitement, the saddness, the laughs, the joys; everything turns to nothing. I never realized how much she meant to me.

 

[bake321]

RUTWAD,

"I have failed at one of life's greatest opportunities."

Bull crap, a relationship takes two to succeed or fail. You can't figure out what goes on in another persons mind. Yes time will heal you. Your next relationship will be better and have more good in it. You will not believe this at this time. Seek out friends for support, stay busy (take a class etc.) Find a good lawyer (female would be best) and tell them to get you everything they can and then disassociate yourself from the process. Emotionally you will be very vurnable at this time of your life. You will look back someday and say this was for the best.

Cary

 

[CurlyDave]

I too planned to go to the bank and have her removed from my account. I maybe too naive (sp?), but I have no concerns about changing the locks or hiring an attorney.

rutwad:

The problem is that you are still in love with her and can not imagine her doing anything against you.

She has planned the break, and may or may not be looking at you as a source of money to her. If she isn't, taking immediate measures to protect yourself is not going to hurt anything. If she is, the sooner you move, the better off you will be.

Changing the locks can be important. I didn't, and months after she left, my ex came back to the house and searched through everything. For a reason known only to women, she became incensed when she found I had been trying to move on and had been dating. That little intrusion into my privacy cost me plenty in both money and emotional distress, just from the hardening of her attitude and unwillingness to work out an amicable separation. She demanded everything, and I had to hire an expensive lawyer just to get my half of the community property.