Cordless grease guns

[MikePA]

Does the synthetic grease have the same smell as non-synthetic?

 

[MChalkley]

Mike - Um, well, I gotta tell ya - ya stumped me on that one. I don't see that listed in the specs, so I guess I'll have to go stick my nose in a tube of it. I'll letcha know...

 

[MikePA]

After reading my post, I guess that does sound like an odd question. /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif I've always thought that brown/black grease had a horrible smell and wondered if they'd 'cured' the problem with synthetic.

 

[MChalkley]

Mike - First of all, I hope you appreciate that I don't go sticking my nose into 14-oz. cartridges of grease for just anybody. Now, with that out of the way...

I just finished a thorough olfactory examination of two tubes of grease. On my left, I have a tube of Coastal #1 multi-purpose grease (which I purchased at Advance Auto parts this evening for $1.99 just for you - so if you don't switch to Amsoil grease right away, I'm sending it to you postage collect). On my right, I have a tube of Amsoil Multi-Purpose #2 grease.

Test, phase 1 (Eyes open, because objectivity and completely unbiased evaluation is no problem for me): Remove cap from Coastal crap. Sniff. Gag. Smells like, well, like crap. Familiar grease smell. Remove cap from excellent Amsoil product. Sniff. Inhale deeply. Exhale completely so can inhale aroma of Amsoil grease once again. Wow, man, like, rad, it's like taking a trip without ever leaving the farm. The unmistakable aroma of cherry is present, or is it raspberry, maybe grape. Ok, so maybe it's not unmistakable, but it's reminescent of some kind of fruit.

Test, phase 2 (just in case some bias crept into phase 1 of test): Close eyes. Shuffle tubes around a while. Stand up, spin around 5 times. No, sit down after 3rd rev. Feel sick. Go have a beer. Come back. Sit down. Close eyes. Shuffle tubes around a while. Forego spin this time. Pick up one tube with eyes still closed. Sniff. Wipe grease off nose. No question, this is Coastal crap - that same horrible grease smell - like it's spoiled and it hasn't even been thrashed by the raw power of an EarthForce machine yet. Open eyes for verification. Correct. Close eyes. Sniff other tube. This is clearly wonderful Amsoil product. If only I had a little whipped cream and a spoon...

I hope you're happy. I'm going to have another beer. I feel I've earned it. (And, just for the record, I'm serious about the smell of the two products. I don't understand the "fruity" smell of the Amsoil, but it's there. It was even there before I started the beer.)

 

[MikePA]

I am overwhelmed by your dedication (spinning and whirling) and sacrifice ($1.99 + a beer) in pursuit of the truth. The same passion you display in improving your hydraulic steeds, you have brought to the Great Grease Mystery! I will be buying Amsoil, if for no other reason than the new and improved smell, that I would not know of except by your experiment. /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif Your are, indeed, a STAR member of TBN.

Now, what are you going to do with the tube of Coastal grease???? /w3tcompact/icons/eyes.gif

 

[bphillips]

What - no taste test ....

 

[Dozernut]

Sir I am humbled. I stand in the shadows of a great literary author. When you publish I will be one of your first readers. Your writing is mindfull of Patick McManus or Dave Berry, who are writing about tubes of grease. Good write!

 

[MChalkley]

Mike - This is perhaps the first time in history that someone has chosen a lubricant based solely on its "nose". I've personally chosen single malt scotch, and wine, based on their bouquet, but grease, no.

As for what's in store for the tube of Coastal grease: I thought I'd use it for nasty tricks at the next TBN gathering, whenever and wherever that is. /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif In the meantime, I plan to convince everyone that I've given the tube to you. That way, when they find something on their shoes (or brake pedal) that smells like cat dung, and discover that it's really just grease, they'll think it was you...

 

[MChalkley]

bphillips - I had decided to leave the taste test out of my report, but since you asked: The Amsoil is a bit gummy, like creamy peanut butter mixed with a little cream, perhaps. Not a bad texture at all, though I think I'd give better palatability ratings to the #1 grease, based on consistency alone. From a taste standpoint, though a bit bland, it's not bad, for grease.

The Coastal grease, alas, like chitterlings, or chitlins, as we call them in these parts, never made it past my nose. Anything that smells that bad ain't passing my lips, not even for Mike.

(Just for the record, for the humor-challenged, I did not taste the Amsoil grease either. It's probably toxic, though I didn't check.)

 

[MChalkley]

Dozernut - By now, you have no doubt received countless private messages from TBN long-timers begging you not to encourage me. I apologize for their behavior in filling your inbox with all those passionate pleas. Though you may find this so hard to believe that you suspect me of jesting again, very few people find me funny. You are to be congratulated on having one of the world's truly great senses of humor. Either that, or everyone else is right. Nah, couldn't be. /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

I've always wanted to be an author, but I think my gift truly lies in "How-To" books, much in the style of Bob Newhart's character. I'm currently on sabbatical from the writing profession, following the poor sales performance of my first endeavor in this field, a booklet entitled "13 Easy Ways to Disassemble a Crowbar". Still, few authors found literary success with their first work, so I'll soon start my second, "Large-scale Earthmoving With Your Lawn Tractor". Based on your encouragement, I plan to follow it with "Grease Nosing for Beginners". One of the chapters, "It's Only Brown-nosing If It's Not Amsoil", will thoroughly develop the reasoning behind Amsoil's bright red color, as well as its delectable aroma.

(Seriously, though, thanks for the kind words. And welcome to TBN!)