Foster kids

Trev · May 28, 2002

Hey Dan,

There might be something in the law requiring him to stay away from children. The judge in his case may also have imposed restrictions on him being near children.

Oh, yes. This guy is legally not allowed anywhere near children. This is all well-known to all involved. The problem is that we doubt he or the mother will respect such orders. If the mother, who doesn't drive, gets an apartment right near the jail he's in, stores his stuff with her own money although she can barely afford to eat, and refuses to divorce him.. what are the odds that they may bend the rules a bit? This is our concern.. and I find it hard to believe that any judge would feel these kids would be safe with her. But what do I know? We'll just take it as it comes, especially as we have no choice whatsoever.

There is an underlying principle in the law that says one NEVER separates biological parents from their children unless there is NO other choice. I suspect this is what we are all running up against. They gave her a bunch of things she had to do, and, to everyone's surprise, she did them. This leaves the system with little recourse, apparently.

Anyone who feels so inclined, please pray for these kids. They are good kids.. very confused.. but they really don't need any more trauma in their lives (so says Bob the All-Wise.. what do I know what they need?) It's important to stay humble in all of this. Difficult, but important. /w3tcompact/icons/hmm.gif

TerryinMD · May 28, 2002

Bob,

Keep your focus on the children. Forget the mother - she has her agenda and will stick to it. /w3tcompact/icons/mad.gif

It sounds like you have had some positive results in taking care of the children and they will not forget your love and kindness. Remind them that you are there for them and that they can contact any time they wish - give them the permission to call and reverse the phone charges in case they need to talk. Talk to the social services to remind them that they can drop the children off any time a problem occurs. Ask the bio-mom if you can visit occassionally - never hurts to ask. Maybe you guys can become a big brother/big sister to provide the additional support.

I guess what I'm trying to say is remain envolved - but keep your distance if it becomes an issue with the bio-mom.

Terry

dmccarty · May 28, 2002

Bob,

I'm just throwing out an idea. Not sure it is a good idea or bad. But
can you talk to the judge or the DA who handled the husband's case?
The courts are all about the law, its not about right and wrong but the law.
But maybe DA or the judge could look at what the mother is doing and
the fact that the kids are going back into an environment that once the
husband gets out is not going to be safe. Maybe the DA/Judge can
stop this.

Now the flip side is SHOULD someone including YOU try to stop this.
The kids certainly could hold it against you.... But sending a child into
the home of a molester should be a crime. I really don't see how the
mother can be allowed to have the children when she is still with
the molester. Somebody in social services needs a real big clue.

GRRRRR... I'm saying GRRRRR because what I'm saying but not writing
when get our moderators in a tissy.....

If this was just about the kids going back to a mom that likely can't handle
the children, well that would be one thing. Putting the kids into a home
with a convicted molester is criminal. (I do realize he is in jail but it sure
sounds like he is coming home when he gets out.)

GRRRRRRR.....
Dan

dtm2 · May 28, 2002

My wife and I adopted 2 kids from state care in 1996. They had lived in 9 different homes by the time my oldest was 5 yrs old. As a person who has to live daily with the mess that the bio mom AND the SYSTEM has created I firmly believe that these kids should never go back to the bio family and should be adoptable within 12 months of them first entering the system.

The mess that the system has made of these kids lives is shocking. Thank god and our families that almost 6years later they are doing much better. They will always have there demonds to battle but I think they will be ok.

I give you an enormous amount of credit to go the foster route. To work so hard with these kids to have your heart ripped out when they are sent back to bio mom is just horrible. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

best of luck.

Dan in RI

Wingnut · May 28, 2002

My sympathies!
I've come to believe that the only two things worse than dealing with the government, is dealing with either the EPA or the social system. And all because they're run by people with their own agendas and to heck with what's good for the kids, environment, society, etc.
On one hand these clowns yap about how kids raised well by loving parents benefited from "an accident of birth" ... and then reverse themselves totally when it fits their ideals.
Oh well, if it's any consolation at all .... we could be as socialist as Sweden where a mere accusion of child abuse can result in your kids being removed pending a review/investigation ... and where they tell you where you're allowed to live and what kind of housing you can have .... and have the taxes to support that level of interference.

Trev · May 28, 2002

P.S. Here is Jake. We adopted him two years ago. His had been the light of our lives. At 50 I'm trying to keep up with a two year old.

He's adorable! Gonna be the next Robert Redford, probably.

Thanks Kevin, and thanks to everyone else who has replied. It means a lot to me.

Next update when it's available, unless of course the moderators feel it might be better taken elsewhere. The thread is getting kind of long. Does this put any extra strain on Muhammad's system?

Thanks again,
Bob

TerryinMD · May 28, 2002

Bob,

Take a look at the Signatures thread under News/Feedback or JMIII's thread about the demise of QFF.

IMHO, this is what the "Off Topics" discussion is all about and it hasn't gotten into one of the threads that "crash and burn". I find this has much more significance that my "What a way to start a weekend" thread.

It's nice to be able to bounce ideas and get some feedback.

Terry

TBone · May 29, 2002

"Anyone who feels so inclined, please pray for these kids."

I do and I will.

TBone

rf33 · May 29, 2002

Bob,
I applaud you and your wife taking in foster children. My wife and I adopted from Russia, and know how dealing with the social services system can be. (And if you think they are beaurocratic, try the Russian govt or the US Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS)). I pray that you and your wife get custody of these children, because to me, being a parent is about alot more than giving birth.

No doubt that these children love their mother, and also enjoy her lack of rules and structure, but IMHO it is certainly not in their best interest. I am deeply saddened for you and especially your wife, that these children have had to go back to their biological mother. Sometimes I think that the states give the biological parents too much weight in deciding these cases, and although it is nice for the children to be with their birth parents, it certainly should take a back seat to their being in a safe, healthy environment with a family who love them enough to give of their time and energy.

Hats off to you, and please try to keep your hopes up.../w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

Muhammad · May 30, 2002

The thread is getting kind of long. Does this put any extra strain on Muhammad's system?

No. Just keep it under 150 there Bob. /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif