Let me get this straight, you seem to have very high standards for your "rural" piece of property with a lot of requirements that need to be met on your end, you actually found an ideal pair of properties in your search, but because you think the real estate agent is a twerp, you passed on them? If you were one of my sons, I'd tell them that was a boneheaded move.
Nothing in life is free, and it's all a give and take for 99% of the population. Given your price range and what you're looking for, you're in the 99% like the rest of us.
Ironically enough my wife has been writing software for the same company for over 28 years, and has been working remotely for the last 20 years. Our biggest gripe is not having fiver optic (we currently get 3 Mbps) but after we got married when we went looking for a place that fit our requirements with land, fell in love with the property and realized that nothing is perfect.
You also stated "Right now I have 1ac less than a couple of miles to a newish NFL stadium" I apologize, but exactly what does this mean?