Had to clean this one up a little...hope it passes muster here.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are girly. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, but no dog you are girly. A cat is like a dog, but girly--it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your butt over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so girly.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are girly. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish heads, pickled pigs feet, or mamalian protuberances. Anything else and you are undeniably girly.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom, pee in a parking lot, or behind the barn you are girly. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A manly man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you're girly.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream, cake, cobbler and pie, you are girly. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out mauve or you know what a 'fressier' is you're girly. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton, wool or denim, you are girly.
7. If you drive your tractor with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're girly. A man only puts both hands on the wheel when he's in danger of tipping over. The rest of the time he needs that hand to operate the hydraulics, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely girly!
The above list does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the poster, his family, employer, employees, friends, pets or business associates.
