Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[newbury]

<snip>

In the last 20 minutes 3 different cars ignored traffic lights and I don’t mean as the light was turning but simply driving on through the reds…

The driver is driving through the red lights?
or
The driver was on reds (secobarbital)?
or
Both?

 

[ultrarunner]

The driver is driving through the red lights?
or
The driver was on reds (secobarbital)?
or
Both?

Almost exclusively young male drivers and often in cars less than well maintained.

I was doing work outside yesterday at a small residential apartment building that is a corner property with 4 way stop signs.

Not a single vehicle except for a utility owned pickup did a full stop… all the other vehicles either slowed or just continued through not slowing.

We use to have a fleet of traffic officers on Motorcycles…

This is no longer the case as it is deemed to dangerous for individual officers both being without backup and the exposure having no cover such as a patrol car.

I was friends with a well liked officer very involved with youth sports and he was murdered at a traffic stop by a driver that blew through a stop sign… guy was on parol and shot the officer almost point blank.

The police are afraid to confront unless in overwhelming numbers and lack of public support has more than a few just counting the days to retirement and then out of California…

 

[ultrarunner]

I'm at the age where a lot of my friends are clearing out parents home...

I was asked this morning if I wanted China and Crystal...

This year gifted washer and dryer just come and get it...

The estate sales are no longer much if a thing...

Most goes as donation or paid to hall away..

I probably have a lifetime supply of bath towels... growing up I was always detailing cars and now turning over rentals and towels and always could use more... I learned at an early age don't dare take one of mom's!

 

[ArlyA]

She is still working to have her dad declared incompetent. He is driving.

 

[kenmbz]

My dad is stuck in a rehab and can't drive anymore.
His partner/GF still drives, poorly.
Since they are on the west coast and my brother and I on the East coast it's been difficult to do much.
Plus my Uncle is now need full time care, he is also on the West coast.

Planning for my Uncle is proceeding well, as he is working with my brother to do so.
Planning for my father is through his GF, who is extremely difficult to work with.

This family stuff is not fun.

Hope you can get the keys back, that's always a tough one.

 

[ArlyA]

After my brother in-law gave there dad a tour of the house they had vacated AND his car back, my spouse and him and only spoken once. He is helping you know!

 

[ljjhouser]

That is a tough time. Hope it gets better. When my mom passed away, we had a sale and sold what we could, then called a used furniture dealer and sold most everything to them, then dumpster. Save what you want of pictures and memories. You may look for them years to come if you don't. My dad passed 20 years before mom, and I now have only 2 pictures of him. They are special.

 

[MossRoad]

We were blessed as well when my dad lived with us.

He moved in with us at age 86, but you have to keep in mind, he was very active until he fractured his back at the same age (use to drive 8 hours one way to visit regularly).

Luckily at age 88, his grandson's were getting their learners permits for driving, so my dad would let them drive his car, so anytime he wanted to go out somewhere, they would drive him and he'd "instruct them" giving them practice. The conversation of my dad not driving again really never came up.

It came as a shock to me that just this year, my one boy who is in the Air Force now was telling me (as we were driving together) he learned all about fishtailing with "gramps". I was actually kind of peeved what I found out my dad let those boys do in his car, but at the end of the day couldn't help but smile.

I told my boy he was lucky as my father didn't seem so forgiving driving his car when I was learning to drive his 5 speed as a teen. My son told me not to worry, it wasn't all fun. I asked him what he meant, and he said if they didn't do what gramps told them to do, he's slap them. We both laughed over that one because that's the dad I remember (very fondly, mind you).

Please excuse the picture. The first or second year when he lived with us and he was still able to drive on his own. Caught him going out when I was coming up from work. House is down the road a couple hundred yards, rural road and we stopped to talk to each other as he was going in and I coming in...

View attachment 1159237

Mom had me doing donuts in the parking lots to learn how to control the car in skids and such. So I did the same with our kids.

I didn't have to deal with cleaning out my mom's stuff after she passed until my dad passed about 7-8 years later. Fortunately, my 4 siblings all helped in one way or another and there were no arguments.

So, I haven't had to deal with parents that are still living but becoming unable to live on their own. Might find out with my mother in-law, as she's slowing down a bit. But fortunately, still pretty competent on her own.

 

[California]

I'm at the age where a lot of my friends are clearing out parents home...

I was asked this morning if I wanted China and Crystal...

The estate sales are no longer much if a thing...

Most goes as donation or paid to hall away..

We were surprised that the Yard Sale to clean out inlaws house netted very little and left a couple of trailerloads of usable unsold stuff to take to Goodwill.

But Dad's packrat barns were far worse. 20+ years now, and I'm still distinguishing what I saved as usable, but now could never use in my lifetime.

Photo: Dump run #7 (?), 2002. Under the house was filled with rolls of insulation that were laced with Ivy roots and mouse nests. First year was just digging down to see what was worth keeping.

 

[ultrarunner]

We were surprised that the Yard Sale to clean out inlaws house netted very little and left a couple of trailerloads of usable unsold stuff to take to Goodwill.

But Dad's packrat barns were far worse. 20+ years now, and I'm still distinguishing what I saved as usable, but now could never use in my lifetime.

Photo: Dump run #7 (?), 2002. Under the house was filled with rolls of insulation that were laced with Ivy roots and mouse nests. First year was just digging down to see what was worth keeping.

I’ve done a lot over 40 years with my little 4x6 box trailer… use it just about every week… appliances, pallet of concrete, 1 yard of dirt/gravel.


Still have not reached a point with a block of time to do some trash out… probably start with old paint and solvents…

With some it takes the better part of a year outside with the lid off to solidify like some oil paints and then they qualify for regular disposal.

If and when I retire I will never run out of things needing to be done.